Post # 1
Hey bees! I am in need of some serious support right now. All of my posts have been about my relationship with my fiance (debating whether I should marry him) and I have had so much time to think about our relationship. I have been contemplating for months now about if I should marry him or not and I have finally come to the decision to end things between us. I have NO idea how to tell him that I don’t want to be with him anymore. He is so attached to me and he will be devastated. I have had a feeling in the pit of my stomach for months that we just weren’t right for eachother. I just can’t take it anymore. I am tired of feeling so sad and anxious all the time. Plus, we were at a get together with some friends the other night and I walked away with my best friend to talk for awhile and he called me 12 times! He loves me so much that he smothers me constantly. If I am gone for more than 5 minutes at a time he is walking around looking for me or calling me. He texts me over and over again saying he loves me and I just feel so smothered. I don’t want to marry him and I am so sad for him because this is going to ruin him. He deserves someone who is going to love him the way he needs to be loved. We are too different and it is just not going to work. I am so sad bees, please help!
Post # 3
I am so sorry that you are going through this. It must have been very difficult to come up with this decision but you have to take it. If you feel this way then I think you should communicate your decison on the soonish side. *hugs*
Post # 4
🙁 I’m so sorry. This sounds really difficult. I don’t have any advice, but just know you’re doing the right thing.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Ending a relationship is never fun and even though you’re doing the right thing i know it will hurt you too.
I think it’s best to do this sooner rather than later if your mind is made up.
Good luck x
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2013 - ceremony at a gazebo outside, reception at neighboring restaurant on a lake
Arg, that sounds so rough. You’ve given it a lot of thought and have come to a decision. Hang in there and keep reminding yourself that this is going to be best for him too even though it will hurt now.
We will all be here for you!
Post # 7
I am so sorry. My advice is to be honest and stick to your guns. Don’t sugar coat it or tell white lies, those will cause more pain in the long run (he’ll always wonder what really happened)
I’d start by saying, “FI, I need to call off the wedding. I love you and wanted this to work so badly. I tried as hard as I could, but I feel smothered in this relationship and I can’t see it moving forward. As much as it hurts both of us right now, it is better to call off an engagement than go through a divorce. I’ll be moving out tonight and would appreciate you giving me a week of space before contacting me again”
Post # 8
I think you’ve made a really brave decision! I don’t envy you and I have no words of advice never having been in this situation before, but I just wanted to wish you good luck, and I hope you’ll be much happier when this is over with.
Post # 9
I think you just need to talk to him. Maybe go for a walk and discuss outside somewhere. But be 100 percent committed to your decision, if you leave any wiggle room he will try to negotiate. Just be clear that you have decided, don’t point any fingers or delve into what he does wrong, don’t make it am argument. Tell him you love him but you don’t want to be with him, that there is nothing he can do differently to”fix” it, you just don’t think the two of you should be together. Be strong and good luck.
Post # 10
Although I am still terribly nervous about doing this, all of this support has been extremely helpful. Thank you so much for all of the advice and kind words.
Post # 11
I’m so sorry that your relationship is coming to an end, but it sounds like you’re making the decision with a clear head and you’re doing it for yourself. All the right reasons. Just be completely honest with him and let him know exactly why you’re breaking up with him. Don’t leave things out to spare his feelings, b/c it might let hope harbor with him, and you don’t want him thinking that you’ll eventually come around or that he can talk you into staying with him. Be gentle but firm.
Good luck, and please come back to update us on how everything went.
Post # 12
The worst part is the 5 minutes it will take to let him go. If this is the right decision, repeat that over and over and over in your head because he most likely will beg you to reconsider.
Be happy knowing that you are making the right decision for you.
Post # 13
I’m so sorry. Ending a relationship with someone you care about is a horrible feeling. Once you do it, I think you should distance yourself from him immediately. He’s probably going to want to focus on working things out instead of ending it. Just stay strong and firm, let him know that you’ve made your decision, and then walk away. Go to your house or to a friend’s house, don’t answer his phone calls, and give him time to accept it before speaking with him again. You’re doing the right thing. You’re young and have so much of your life to experience. Good luck.
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum
Good luck. Will be thinking of you
Post # 15
I posted an update for everyone- thank you for all your support. I am going to close my account and I will no longer be posting- it is too hard to see wedding stuff right now even though I am happy for everyone who has such a great life ahead of them! Thanks everyone.
Post # 16
I am so glad you are doing what’s right for you and what feels right in your heart. if you don’t want to hurt him further, do not waver or go back and forth. The last thing you want to do is give him any hope that would make it harder for him get over this or move on. Make it a clean break and unless you ar 100% sure you want to be with him, don’t go back. The on-again/off-again is very emotionally draining for both of you. So now that you have made your choice, take care of yourself and trust that he can take care of himself too. Yes, it sucks to hurt someone else who you love and who has treated you well, but you are not responsible for him. You have to trust him to cope and most of all you both need space. Don’t feel guilty that he moved or that he is alone.
It would be far worse for you to stay in the relationshp halfheartedly and drag it out and prolong the pain that would come when you eventually break up. The sooner the better if you know something is not going to work out. Time heals all and that goes for both of you.