Post # 1
Sorry Bees, but I could really use your advice! And at the same time am curious to know if you would allow your husband to go to a strip club or how you would feel? Please don’t be nice, REALLY.. tell me the truth!! How would you react!!
My husband newly married, went to Vegas last weekend. He didn’t want me to hear it from my friends so he told me yesterday he went to a strip club on Saturday. (Yes your probably thinking give him credit he told you??) He said all his friends wanted to go, and he couldn’t just not go because he was the best man.
I was upset about him going to a bachelor party like 3 years ago because I didn’t know about it before hand. Why wouldn’t he think I would be upset about it now that we are married???!!!
I just feel very hurt… I’m not a jealous wife. Heck, I support my burlesque dancing friend and ask my husband to go with me. Just the feeling sucks to know that the feeling I had on Saturday was true!!! I would have loved to just know and been loved by a msg that night!! I know stuff like this happens at bachelor parties but I guess ALL I WANTED.. WAS TO KNOW BEFORE HAND!!! It really sucks and I can’t stop to cry and think about it. Maybe it’s also the fact that im not happy with my outside appearance that makes this feeling so bad! Or maybe the fact that its SOOOOO UNFAIR!!!!
Alrighty thanks so much!!!
Post # 3
Darling Husband knows he’s not allowed to do this. I don’t mind being jealous. Plus he admitted he’d feel really awkward as a married man going to a strip club (actually ever, why pay for what you can potentially get for free? ha).
I feel like you have a right to be jealous, but also consider the situation. He would have had to be the awkward guy who makes a big deal and leaves, which would probably be embarrassing for him. If there were a few guys leaving then it would have been plausible.
Post # 4
Everyone has different feelings on this topic and is entirely entitled to how they feel. If you’re uncomfortable, there’s nothing wrong with that. I personally am completely fine with my Fiance going to strip clubs and I actually want him to go to some at his bachelor party. My only stipulation was that I told the best man that he’d better take my Fiance to some good, classy ones (yes they exist), not trashy ones where there’s shootings in the parking lot or anything.
Post # 5
im probably in the minority, but i dont care if my Fiance goes to strip clubs, we’ve been to many strip clubs together as well.
i trust him and i dont feel threatened by it one bit. you said you dont feel attractive, sounds like its partially an insecurity issue you may have.
Post # 6
I have no issue with strip clubs.
Post # 7
It’s really about the boundaries you and your husband have. If he knew it would upset you, then he should’ve let you know beforehand.
If my Fiance were going to vegas, especially with just a bunch of guys, and especially if it were a bachelor’s party, I’m assuming he’s going to a strip club. Actually, I’m assuming they will try to do a marathon and see how many strip clubs they can hit before the sun goes up. And I don’t mind.
BUT, again, if he knew it would upset you, then he should’ve talked to you about it first. ESPECIALLY since it sounds like there was a 99.9999 percent they were going to a strip club. The .0001 percent that a bunch of guys at a bachelor’s party in vegas wouldn’t go to a strip club could only be due to a natural disaster of biblical proportion.
Post # 9
I have no issues with strip clubs, and I have enough trust in my guy to know that he can manage to have a good time in the presence of mixed company without doing something I would consider crossing a line in our relationship. If you don’t have a fundamental line in the sand against strip clubs as a whole, then it sounds like it is a matter of trust. You might not be able to put your finger on why, but that’s really the only factor that would make a decision. You trust him to behave in a way that wouldn’t ruin your relationship or you have a nagging feeling that any such temptation over which you don’t have full control is potentially a problem for him.
Post # 10
I could care less if my FH goes to a strip club. I trust that he will look and not touch and leave it at that.
Post # 11
@LibertyBelle: Agreed. Very insightful.
Post # 12
I would figure that if he was going to Vegas for a bachelor party, that at some point they would visit a strip club. I trust my Fiance so isn’t really an issue for me.
Post # 13
It wouldn’t bother me if at all if FI went to a strip club. What would you really expect him to do in that situation when he’s at a bachelor party?
Post # 14
I dont mind if Fiance goes to strip clubs on occasions like bachelor parties. I think the problem would be if he went more frequently. We all do things for others that we dont necessarily want to. He would get so much crap from his buddies if he told them that he wouldn’t go. As weird as it may seem, he was just trying to be a good friend and do what the groom wanted.
Post # 15
My DH and I both do not approve of strip clubs or pornography. So, no, I would not have wanted him to go, nor would he have agreed to be there.
Post # 16
Fiance wouldn’t go to a strip club. Only one of his friends even enjoys them. They were all on a boys weekend and said friend tried to convince everyone else. All 4 guys said no.
I have a lot of ethical issues with strip clubs. Fiance and I also go to burlesque shows though, and I wouldnt have a problem with that either. They are very different things…
If he knew this was crossing a boundary that you two have, he was wrong. Peer pressure be damned.
EDIT: If he cared about those boundaries, he probably could have assumed that the BACHELOR party in VEGAS might have a trip to a strip club. He should have discussed this with you prior to the trip.