(Closed) :( So sad. Best Man Married-Strip Club-Bachelor Party

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1842 posts
Buzzing bee

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@JenniferSC:  I partially agree with this look but not touch statement.

My Dh and I talked about this recently there is a resturant near by where we were recently visiting which was apparently the best meal in town…. but wan also a strip club… ugh

luckily DH doesn’t agree with strip clubs on his own account, but we agreed that under special circumstances with complete transparency it would be fine so long as he didn’t compare me to them, didn’t fund them in any way (pay for dances or whatever) and didn’t touch.

 

Post # 18
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think you should let it go 

Post # 19
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@globalmargaret:  I feel like not comparing you with them might be kind of impossible, no? Its not a conscious thing. I’d be surprised if my Fiance didn’t unintentionally compare me to other women.

Post # 20
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would not be comfortable with my husband going to a strip club, but it has a lot to do with religion as well. 

Post # 21
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Not ok. AT ALL. Not for us.

It’s not about being jealous or about being insecure. It’s about us interpreting marriage as “you are my one and only”. Which means, LUSTING over someone who is barely clothed/naked, and dancing seductively, is out of the question. Guys are visual, they don’t have to be “touched”. No matter how much he loves you, it’s going to turn him on in some way. Choosing to put himself in that position….how is this a display of our commitment to one another? How does this show any respect to one another?

Not to mention in some strip clubs the women actually touch the men over their clothes and rub up on them.

My hub would not go in, especially not for the sake of not feeling awkward. What is this, 3rd grade? C’mon. Sorry, your hubby is a grown man. He went in because in the spurr of the moment he felt like going in. He talked to you about it too. He didn’t think it would be something that you two wouldn’t get over.

With that said: maybe he didn’t realize how big of a deal this is to you. In that case, please don’t hold a grude and forgive him. At the same time, don’t feel pressured to go along with it because other people think it’s ok. At the end of the day, how others feel (even me) doesn’t matter. How does this make YOU feel? If it’s not good, then you need to have a serious talk with him, forgive him, but don’t move forward without drawing some clear lines.

 

 

 

Post # 22
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@jsa51686:  #1 he knew how you felt about stipclubs and disregarded you feelings

#2 It wasn’t even HIS bachelor party—so you can be prepared to deal with this for the rest of your life

#3 yeah yeah he felt pressured, still shouldn’t have stopped him from shooting you a text

hell yeah I would be pissed—I’m not comfortable with strip clubs in general, my fiance isn’t going to have a bachelor party (because he’s not into them not because I forbade it), but I would be even more pissed if he used someone elses wedding as an excuse to do something he KNOWS would upset me

 

Then again, once you heard they were going to Vegas it was pretty obvious what was going to happen

Post # 23
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee

Just don’t care. He’s been to strip clubs with me and without me. He doesn’t get dances, he barely even watches the dancers. He basically just gets dragged along with friends when partying. I really just don’t care. He’s mine. Of course he will find other women attractive. I find other men attractive. Doesnt mean he would ever cross any boundaries.

Post # 24
Member
39 posts
Newbee

Everyone’s opinion is different on strip clubs; some women are okay with it, some aren’t.  And it’s okay, either way, but the important thing is that your feelings are known.

With your post, I don’t understand why you’re upset that you found out, after the fact? I mean, are you against him going to strip clubs?  Did he know that?  If so, then yes, I totally understand you being upset.  If not, then you can’t really blame him for going. Also, maybe he didn’t know until the last minute that they were going to the club…

You need to express your feelings to your DH… 

Post # 25
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@LuluInLove:  Not to mention in some strip clubs the women actually touch the men over their clothes and rub up on them.

 

 

That is actually every strip club but they have to pay for that.  Think about it, those girls aren’t just gonna randomly give free lap dances.  They are there to make money, not steal your man away. 

Post # 26
Member
47377 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It woudn’t bother me. He comes home to me, that’s alll that counts.

To the OP, I doubt that you really would have wanted to know about it beforehand. You would just have been stressing out about for a longer time. He came home to you and he told you about it- nuff said.

Post # 27
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@nursemel:  No, there are some high end strip clubs where the girls are far away and there is no touching. Also, my point has nothing to do with the possibility your man getting “stolen”.  It goes way deeper than that.

Post # 28
Member
4885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Have you ever been to a strip club?  You should probably go WITH him sometime just to see what it’s like.  Sure we hear all kinds of stories about how awful it is and whatever, but to be honest it’s [usually] not that bad.  These women do NOT want your husband, they only want the dollars in his pocket. 

 

So to answer your questions, I used to be worried about strip clubs until I went to one.  We went to a couple in New Orleans and they’re a LOT wilder there than they are here.  The girls were beautiful, crazy talented, and fun to watch.  I’m totally okay with him going to a strip club.

Post # 29
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry you feel hurt. I think it’s important to let him know WHY  you dislike the idea of stripclubs and him being in them. It might be insecurity. This will be an issue that will come up in all aspects of life if you leave it be. Ask yourself why are you insecure because I’m sure you trust your man. You just dislike the fact that he is surrounded by potentially naked women and that it would turn him on. Guys get turned on by LOTS of things and no one needs to be naked for that to happen all the time. 

I have friend who is also on the same thought cycle as you are with strip clubs. She admits she’s insecure so she tries to not talk to him about what he can or can’t do but lets her bf now that how it can make her feel. This can work but it also puts too much pressure on a man to control something that’s unpredictable as your insecurity. Essentially, you should feel good about yourself in a way that the once in a while strip club party isn’t going to phase you. (I use strip club as a example but it can be ANYTHING relating to women) 

Maybe for you it’s the fact that he tried to hide it? I know my Fiance did that once and it made me angry that he would think he needed to hide something like that from me. It worried me how much faith he put in our relationship. 

Post # 30
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I”m sorry, but come on.   He went to Vegas for a bachelor party.  Of course he was going to strip club.  There would be something wrong with him if he didn’t.

Don’t let your insecurities give him reason to wonder why he loves you.   And clearly he does.

 

Post # 31
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

I am so glad that I don’t have this issue with DH. He is not the least bit interested in this type of thing.

It would bother me a great deal if DH enjoyed going to strip clubs, even if only occasionally, especially by himself. “Enjoyed” is the operative word here. Now if he occasionally tagged along with the guys because that’s what the guys wanted to do, it would bother me less. I still wouldn’t like it though.

I give him credit for telling you about it.

But I would never make apologies for feeling jealous. Ever. You always are entitled to your feelings.

And yes, I’ve been in a strip club before — not with friends or a Boyfriend or Best Friend, but in my past life as a features writer on a news assignment. LOL.

The topic ‘:( So sad. Best Man Married-Strip Club-Bachelor Party’ is closed to new replies.

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