(Closed) :( So sad. Best Man Married-Strip Club-Bachelor Party

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry you’re feelings got hurt, but be happy he was honest with you. Boys going to Vegas for a bachelor party equals strippers. At least he didn’t lie to you! He LOVES YOU. Cut him some slack. It doesn’t sound like you two have trust issues. It was just a party with his friends. 🙂

Post # 63
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@jsa51686:  I think the most important thing is that you guys have some sort of agreement and talk about these things even if its a topic you dont feel comfortable with.  Everyone is different, and whats ok for others may not be ok with you.

That being said, I was TOTALLY opposed to any man I was with going to a stripclup.  But like someone said before, it was more about insecurity than trust.  Now, I wouldnt tell my Fiance “OH YES GO”, but I have learned from experience that the more we tell anyone “you can’t” the more you want to do it.  My opinion is that there MUST be bounderies, and remember that MEN are MEN they will look at women with or without clothes, thinking that they will never look at anyone else but is again, in my opinion, just plain nuts! lol

Post # 64
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t care if DH goes to strip clubs.

He went to one recently for a friend’s bachelor party and I didn’t care. Although I’ve been sworn to secrecy because the other wives/girlfriends don’t know. I feel sorry for them but its not my place to tell. 

Post # 65
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

I agree that I would want my husband to tell me before hand if he was going to a strip club for a bachelor party. That being said, I wouldn’t care at all if he went, because I trust him, and I know he thinks strip clubs are nasty and would only go because that’s just what they were doing. But if he went and didn’t tell me first, I would feel like he just wasn’t telling me because he wouldn’t want me to tell him no or something.

Post # 66
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i guess maybe im weird, but i would really have no problem with my Fiance going to a strip club once in a blue moon or even getting a lap dance on a really special occasion like his bachelor party. i feel like when guys go to strip clubs, they are viewing those women in a way thats very very different from the way they view their girlfriends/wives etc. i mean do you really think hes going to run off with a stripper? guys are sexual beings–i dont see a difference between a guy looking at porn and a guy being at a strip club & looking & i dont have a problem with either. Fiance & i went to a few strip clubs in new orleans just for fun & i guess maybe im so laidback about it because Fiance is not the type of guy to get a lap dance and be all serious into it–if his buddies were all around it would be more like a joke.

that being said, i absolutely do NOT think its ok for him to do that without telling you, espcially if its something you are uncomfortable with. 

Post # 67
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Going to a strip club for a bachelor/bachelorette party is pretty norm to me. I have no big issues with DH going for special occasions as such. I’ve gone to the strip club with DH before and find them comical to say the least.

Post # 68
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I honestly don’t care if Fiance goes to a strip club for a bachelor party.  I’ve been to them around here, I have a very close friend who worked as a dancer for years (she actually put herself through medical school that way, and is thriving as a hot shot Dr. now!!), so I know the women there aren’t that big of a deal.  

That being said, I am not OK with him going to the strip clubs on random Friday nights for no reason.  Bachelor parties are OK, but on a random night I don’t like the idea of him spending money on strippers when he could be spending it on something useful for our home, putting it away for that new car he wants to get, etc.  I don’t feel like he needs to spend his money on me, but don’t take all the money out of your pocket and give it away when there are plenty of things he wants for himself as well.  

Post # 69
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

View original reply
@SuperKate:  In the same place as you on that one.

Post # 70
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I never had a problem with strip clubs and for the most part still don’t.  The only time I have ever been truly offended was when my now ex-husband went with some work friends and they paid some girl to go out to the car and give his boss a hand job.  His married boss.  Ever since I heard about that, I wonder how much of that goes on at strip clubs.  I never minded the dancing, or the boobs in the face, etc.  But if they actually take money to touch my man, I would be livid.

Post # 71
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

UHHH…that’s horrible. I know this is an issue so many people disagree on. Personally, I have a huge issue with strip clubs. I know some people don’t, but I do. In conjunction with that, I have a HUGE problem with bachelor parties in general. I think they’re unnecessary since the whole “last night as a single man” concept is moot. You’re not single if you’re engaged. And I know the argument that it’s more for the friends than for the groom BUT that’s not the point. I have complete trust in my fiance, however I don’t trust his friends to put him in a compromising position. I have big anxiety attacks over just talking about them (Ex-husband kind of gave my a complex, and yes I know they’re completey DIFFERENT people). If Fiance did it behind my back knowing I was uncomfortable with it, whether or not he told me after I still wouldn’t be OK with it…Lying by omission is still lying. Yes, when attending a bachelor party in Vegas this should be expected, but Fiance SHOULD have talked to you about it first. Or at least mentioned the possibility of it to see how you would take it. As an adult, you should be able to overcome peer pressure if presented with it!

Post # 72
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you’re being unreasonable.

1) you should have been able to GUESS it was gonna happen… it’s a stag in Vegas.

2) he should have been able to guess it was gonna happen… it’s a stag in Vegas.

And I’m sorry but I don’t think you would have “loved” to know before hand. I think you would have been just as upset if you found out he was ABOUT to go, than you are now that you do know.

Post # 74
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t have a problem with my Fiance going to strip clubs for bachelor parties or the like, but I would have a problem with him randomly going alone.

In all honesty, what gets me the most is… why do bachelor problems bother you so much in the first place? You mentioned that you were upset when he went to one 3 years ago, but why? Is it just because of the strippers? If so, and you have made yourself clearly known on the subject, then I would say it’s time for a talk with DH. He’s not grasping the severity of his actions.

If it’s not just about the strippers, then what is it about? Please understand, I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just letting you know what I heard from your post. It sounds like you want him to inform you of every decision he makes, whether you are involved or not. If I had to check in with my Fiance every time I did something, I would be highly upset. My Fiance and I have discussed our boundaries for situations such as this, and that was that. I trust him completely. If he wants to go to a strip club, which he wouldn’t bc he thinks they’re skeevy, he can. He knows the boundaries because he helped create them, and they are boundaries we are both comfortable with.

You are an amazing woman, otherwise your DH wouldn’t have married you. I suggest you have a talk with him and explain everything. Explain why bachelor parties/strip clubs bother you so much. Try to create some mutually acceptable boundaries. Oh, and go do something that makes you feel sexy. Have your friend teach you some burlesque moves. I think that’d be awesome! The point is, it’s not DH’s job to make you feel good about yourself, it’s yours. YOU ARE AMAZING! Now, go be amazing!

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