Post # 1
I have been “gone” for a while from posting but I really could use some support today. I didn’t even remember my password to my beloved Weddingbee so I had to create a new profile…
My sadness does not have to do with wedding/relationship stuff but with a co-worker… My co-worker committed suicide at work on the 1st of January. I feel really sad. I feel guilty. I feel I could have done something to help her and I didn’t. I talked over and over to my husband about her. I have met her 7 years ago and saw her “declining” over the years. It makes me mad that people at work here say: ” I didn’t know she was having a hard time” and I just want to yell: ” Really? You could not see her losing weight and red eyes every morning? You couldn’t see that she barely talked to anyone?” Well, I saw it and I did nothing!
She had left work to go to treatment in the beginning of 2012 but I think it didn’t help her much.
I think that part of the fact that I feel so guilty is that a friend from college also committed suicide and in that case I realy ahd no clue he was hurting so bad. But this time I knew she was suffering. I am a foreigner and in my country I would have said something to her, like” what is going on??” but here I feel that people are so closed off and “respect” other people’s space. I even talked about her to my husband and he always said it was not of my business…
I just wanted to vent… I am sad and sorry for his family. I liked her. She was a really good girl and if anything I have promised myself that if I ever see someone hurting again I will say something no matter if people say it is not my business…
Post # 3
@Newbeg: I am so sorry. Please DO NOT feel guilty. I don’t have alot of advice. I have never been in this situatioin but it is not your fault nor did you have anything to do with her suicide.
Post # 4
I am sorry for your loss and for the grief you are experiencing. Many people will turn a blind eye to others in need saying, “it’s not my business” because they don’t want to get involved. But that doesn’t seem to be you. Honestly, I don’t think there is anything wrong with making yourself available to a person by saying, “If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you.” or “Would you like to do lunch sometime? I am a good listener.” They get to decide if they take you up on your offer or not. You aren’t forcing a friendship. Just offering one. If they take you up on it, great! But be prepared to be a friend.
Please forgive yourself for not doing anything. It won’t change the past and living with unforgiveness to yourself will do you no good. Now you can know that moving forward you will at least offer a listening ear if they want it.
It’s a very sad and tough situation. Again, I’m sorry.
Post # 5
I’m really sorry. That is terribly sad 🙁 I don’t think there is anything wrong with you offering help or asking someone if they are okay. You never know how much that might mean to someone else who is suffering. I think it goes to show what a great person you really are 🙂
Post # 6
Imagine a world where we felt open to say something. It would be a wonderful loving place.
Once a year in Australia we have “Are You Ok” Day where it’s socially alright to ask someone….are you ok? It was born from this vary scenario so help people who might be struggling in life and contemplating suicide.
I don’t know where in the world you are from but maybe you can start something like that yourself.
Post # 7
Thank you, girls. I just came from her funeral and I feel much better. We celebrated her life. She was a nice girl and that is how I am going to remember her!
Post # 8
@Newbeg: I am so sorry. That’s just awful. I really don’t think there was anything you could have done – people who have their mind made up about suicide will usually follow through. My cousin committed suicide, and we had absolutely no idea he was feeling that way. I look back and think, he used to come around to visit late at night, as we were getting ready for bed. He would be turned away. Had we have let him in, would it have changed the outcome? Not likely. What he was dealing with, and what your workmate was dealing with, was much, MUCH bigger than any single person could have fixed.
You have to know that you couldn’t have saved her. Had you approached her, she may not have even hinted at her plans. She may have withdrawn even further. The professional help she received didn’t seem to help, so don’t think for a second that you could have changed the way she was feeling inside.
Again, I am so sorry. I know you’re understandably going through a really rough time right now. It’s a tragic story. If you’re having trouble coping, make sure you talk to a grief counsellor.
Post # 9
@Newbeg: I wish I didn’t have experience with this, but I do. My Aunt comitted suicide 20 years ago this spring. Worst fifth birthday present ever (2 weeks before my birthday). To say it changed my family completely is the understatement of the year. We still haven’t recovered. We never will.
My mom and her brothers still feel a certain amount of guilt in my opinion. Mom was her best friend and the person she told everything. She’s been a bit lost without her.
I think it’s very sweet that you wish you had helped, but please remember that this is a decision she may have made regardless of any help she might have received. And, to be honest, unless you are a trained professional there may not have been much you could have done.
Don’t feel guilty for what happened. The next time you notice someone struggling then please feel free to ask how they’re doing and let them know you are there for them if they need it. And remember that this is a decision that she made herself. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Post # 10
I am so sorry you are going through this. I used to work with a young beautiful girl. She was so sweet, but would often dabble in with the “wrong crowd”, doing things that made me nervous. I would speak to her at work, but never got to know her outside of work. I left the job to work somewhere else. I remember her telling me to keep in touch, but I never did.
Less than a year later she had killed herself. I know now that she was dealing with a lot of medical issues and was on many different medications, but I still feel guilty. I feel like I should have contacted her. I should have tried to be a better friend. Instead of avoiding her becasue the path she was choosing, I should have offered to take her on my path. Shown her life can be better.
I will always regret not trying harder and I still thnk of her at times. It will get easier as time passes, although it may not seem like it now. I wish you well, OP and please try to be a bit easier on yourself. If you can’t, I hope you contact someone who can help you.