- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
If its going to be that horrible for her i would ask someone else. Its going to make you both uncomfortable knowing she does not want to be there. I do thinks its kind of rude of her to wait to tell you all of this. I dont understand why she cant suck it up for a couple of hours for you.
Do I just repeatedly tell her how much I appreciate her suffering on my wedding day? Yes 🙂
Do I tell her that this day is supposed to be about me and my Fiance and it’s not about her (dress or no dress)? No
Do I see if I can rush order a dress for someone else? No
As someone who also hates to dress up, I get her POV 🙂 You shouldn’t even want to replace her though, that seems kinda drastic. She’s gone this far, she probably just wants to see if you appreciate her, dressing up and all that jazz. A simple “Thank you so much for agreeing to be my bridesmaid, I know how much you hate to dress up and I really appreciate it” will work wonders 🙂
I would just have a talk with her and tell her that you appreciate and recognize that this may be stressful for her but it is really too late to make changes now.
I think you have been more than resaonable about making this easy for her- all she has to do is find a pair of black shoes and show up-she could even borrow those from a friend.
Reassure her that you will do your best to minimize her time in the limelight and ask her, as your sister-in-law to be there for you when you need her.
@WithoutWax: i agree with you on this. she can suck it up and it cant possibly be that bad. you asked her a year ago and she comitted and went along with everything. just because she is being whiny now, it doesnt mean she should not be in the wedding. maybe even tell her after the ceremony and pictures are done she can change?
Id pile on the compliments! She obviously WANTS to be your bridesmaid she just doesnt like being dressed up. One of my bride) bridesmaids (and best friend) HATES dressing up HATES it….never wears dreses make up or anything….she cares about her apperance just not in that girly type of way 🙂 Throughout the whole process i have been constantly thanking her for going the extra mile and dressing up because i know how against her character that is…but that is just my idea on how to approach the situation 🙂
I do understand your frustration though as a Bride to Be because you dont want to make her uncomfortable but at the same time you do have a “look” that you are going for.
*HUGS* it will all work out fine 🙂
I think it was extremely rude of her to complain about having to dress up for your wedding. She could have kept her mouth shut instead of bringing it up right before the wedding and causing you stress- particularly when you paid for almost everything! Try not to let her get you down, and just be honest with her and tell her you really appreciate her dressing up, etc. and that you’d appreciate her being more positive about it because you’re already stressed about the wedding.
Oh, brother. I can’t stand when people are ungrateful. Here you are, having asked her to stand by you on your special day, you paid for so much to make it easy on her, and she’s gotta piss all over it with her not liking to dress up. For someone that doesn’t like attention drawn to herself, she’s sure doing a great job of it now! Grr! She dresses up for a couple hours and that’s it. Done. I’m sorry this is happening and depleting energy from you that should very well be going elsewhere this close to the wedding date!
OK, so here’s the deal. Thank her for agreeing to do this soooooooooooooo long ago because you appreciate her commitment to your special day and commitment to the friendship. Tell her she’ll look lovely and yes, perhaps after the ceremony and photos she can change…? You are sensitive to her needs, but she better be sensitive to YOURS, especially after agreeing to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Then, remove yourself from the situation. You need to center yourself on your day and not be worrying about this. Do you have other bridesmaids or a MOH? If so, delegate some responsibility to them in having them monitor/guide Renee. Have them pile on the compliments, too. Have them help her into her dress, that kind of thing.
Breathe, breathe, breathe. It’ll work out. 🙂
“but aren’t I the one in the spotlight?”
No, def not. I’m begining to realize SILs are more important.
Thanks ladies for the support and suggestions! I feel much better now!
By The Way, I have three (adult) attendants total: my maid of honor, a male friend, and my sis-in-law, plus a junior bridesmaid and flower girl. The “bridesman” has been by far the easiest. I’m starting to think that all male attendants are the way to go,…j/k.
She might also be acting like this because she ordered a size too small and now has to diet (probably adding to her crankiness). I offered to pay for a larger size to be ordered, but she insisted that it would work.
I think I’ll tell her she can change after pictures. That’s a really good suggestion.
I have a personal attendant who is a wonderful source of support. Thank God for her!
@Atalanta: Haha, agreed, except it’s a Future Brother-In-Law for me :).
To the OP: She’s apparently looking for a little recognition. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it, and just give her a simple thank you. Seriously, though, she’s being ridiculous. Wearing a dress for one night can’t be that painful.
Seriously?? I wish all the brides I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for paid for all that. If you agree to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, then suck it up. Neither my sister, SIL or niece are big on the dressing up deal, but they all did it, had hair/make-up/nails done, lived to tell about it and had a good time. The day is about you, not her.
@ginnyc:Haha, yeah, dieting would make anyone a little cranky I think.To me, dressing up stems from insecurity, and if she’s put on a little poundage that probably just feeds into it. It’ll be ok, let her know how awesome she looks, then tell her its your time, Bride wars style 😀
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