(Closed) so sick of being broke…

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That is so tough living on one income.  It sounds like maybe he needs to take on some of the responsibilites at home.  You have a lot going on and I think you have too much responsibility on yourself.  Is there any way that he could pick up a second job until he starts making income from real estate?

You might always have to deal with some income instability since real estate isn’t really predictable.  I would suggest trying to keep as much of his income saved as possible to help you through the times when he isn’t selling.

Post # 4
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know how you feel. The last 9 months we’ve been living off my income while my fiance was job hunting after relocating to my state so we could be together (4 years of long distance). Try not to go off on him, especially if you know that he’s trying.

I was honest and up front with my Fi and let him know that I felt like I was under a lot of pressure and could really use him to help out. So he started cooking more and cleaning up to really help pull the weight. I’m sure your Fi feels bad enough already that you have to keep the household a float, but try not to lose heart.

 

Post # 5
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 1999

Vanilla Frosting,

Do not go off on your Fiance. Once everything has calmed down and on a different day, talk to him about the household financial picture. This gives you a good opportunity to discuss what both of you would like to see happen with the household finances during your engagement and in marriage.

Oftentimes, this situation happens once people are married and it gets to be too much stress for a husband or a wife and some leave.

Let me caution you about him feeling down about himself. When men are not able to provide for their households, it does something to them. Ask him what else would he do if he was not in real estate. Maybe there is something he can begin on the side that would bring in some income that would not cost him money to start.

An ideal situation would be for marriages to have two incomes but base their bills off of one so that the second income could be used for savings, emergency funds, vacations etc. My husband and I did that when we first got married and got out of debt and it was great. Fourteen years later, we are still great at money and marriage talks.

I wish you all the best.

 

 

  

Post # 6
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve been there.  First off, it WILL get better.  Sounds like you are frustrated, but he is allready pent up, so you don’t want to say anything… ugh.  Maybe start by assigning him some chores.  Maybe he can be responsible for cooking one night a week, something like that.  I am really sorry, that sounds really stressful.  We have a similar situation- Fiance works fulltime and is in school fulltime.  I am in school, so I do all of the chores, cooking, cleaning, everything.  I am fine with that, but as far as getting by goes, it is so hard right now.  He has no time at all… Just try to keep the responsibilities as close to balanced as you can, so you two don’t boil over ;).

Post # 7
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i had the same problem too.  my fh was receiving unemployment which helped but now it’s just my income.  let me add, we have a 1 year old daughter and his brother here (their parents are deceased).  i had the talk with him and he really didn’t realize how much i was doing.  now he is helping more than ever.  for example, i pulled a 13 hr shift yesterday and when i got home, he made sure i got my rest and was not interrupted. 

have the talk when you have calmed down.  i know it may sound crazy, but sometimes they don’t know how much we do because it’s routine.  i hope this help.  i guarantee after you have the talk, you will feel better.  i may sense your frustration but think it only surrounds money.  i mean, they are natural providers right?

Post # 8
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

We are going through something similar right now- I know it is hard!  My husband is used to being the breadwinner, now we are living off my small paycheck and a little bit of savings.  When he says he feels guilty job hunting while I work- I really make an effort not to even tease him about it.  It is a big pride thing for guys to take care of us (despite the year we live in, they still want to take care of us!), so even when it is frustrating I try not to make too big of a deal.  Have an honest talk, but try to see his side too, it helps!

I don’t know how long it has been for you guys, we are only going on a couple of months of this setup.  I know the real estate market is rough right now too, which I am sure is frustrating for him too!  Trust me, if we could afford to sell our house and move to another state right now, we would!   

I think my biggest thing is being jealous of the time my husband has off right now- I would much rather be home with him than working, it is so hard to leave in the morning!  The big thing that helped us out since he is home a lot (I don’t know how much your guy is home right now) I let him know what house projects and cleaning I need to finish, and he takes care of it- that obviously won’t work if your guy is at the office all day too. 

PS- entry level sucks too for you, it is rough doing just as much work as senior people and not making as much, hang in there! 

Post # 9
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am in the same position- hang in there. My Fiance makes about 50% of what I make and that is not saying much since we are both in non-profit. It is a blow to his ego and frustrating for me when I hand my entire first paycheck over for rent- yuck.

Just last night he mentioned quitting his job and I begged him not to quit.  Just that few extra hundred dollars a month makes a difference.

We have a very balanced approach to housework and chores.  When the timing it is right, you can bring this up gently. It’s not about who makes more money- it is about us both living together and pulling our share of the workload.  He walks the dog in the morning and I walk her at night.  I organize/pick up the clutter and he wipes the counters and floors. Very balanced and helps us appreciate each other (not resent).

Post # 11
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I have a BSW and was a CPS caseworker for a bit, it’s a tough job with very little reward.  I wish you lots of luck, it’s not easy being broke. Stay strong and know that it is temporary.

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We’re kind of in the same boat. I work full time and am taking classes (done next Monday, woohoo!) and my husband has been looking for a job since he got out of the Army.

That being said, covering ALL the bills (which previously had been just me, but now that he’s home all day, electricity and gas skyrocketed, plus food bills) with him included took an adjustment. It takes a lot more than I thought it would to feed and house another person. He was spending a lot of his time job hunting and doing his laundry, but not really doing things for the house.

One night I got super frustrated and came home to a huge mess and him playing videogames. NOT ok. I told him it wasn’t fair for him to not only NOT be contributing, but to not help out. That if he was essentially going to be a housewife all day, he had to help out around the house. Now, I realize your husband DOES work, just doesn’t have an income yet…but talk to him about doing more of the household work. I don’t see why (unless you prefer to do 90% of the housework+cleaning) you should have to take on the cleaning AND the bringing home the bacon when you should be able to split the cleaning so you don’t feel like you are doing everything. Doing EVERYTHING breeds resentment. Been there, done that, got over it.

Since my husband has started making dinners, vacuuming, organizing, cleaning, etc. (i mean everything…except for the things I like to do, like i still cook, i clean the kitty’s room, and I do my own laundry and I organize my crap) it has taken a HUGE burden off my shoulders from being the sole provider of this house. Now i go, “yes, i may make all the money, BUT, i also come home to a tidy home” and i’m much more relaxed. Yes, things will change when he gets a job (and maybe when your Fiance has an income you can hire out some of the cleaning and stuff), but talk to him about going 50/50 on the household chores. Sure, he feels crappy, but he kinda has to get over it and stop sulking and start helping! Every time one of you hits a bind in your career, you can’t just mope. It’s much better to be proactive and help out in other ways. But until you speak up, he’ll be content to keep things the way they are. Heck, before, my husband thought I LIKED doing the cooking and cleaning (ya know, my way). I just kinda tell him now, “hey defrost some chicken” or “spaghetti would be good tonight” and I email him things to grab at the grocery store when he goes. He’s done a LOT of work around the house lately, too–drawing up our house plan, pricing out the hardwood floors, painting the kitchen, landscaping the backyard, etc.

Post # 13
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I am so sorry.  I hope the real estate market picks up soon.  Is there anyway he can get a part-time job to help out (I don’t know too much about the responsibilities of a real estate agent).  He should contribute more to the cooking/cleaning though.

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