(Closed) So sick of people telling me we NEED/HAVE to have kids!! ARGH!!!

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I am the same way. Fiance and I have decided we don’t want them but everyone is our lives is telling us that we have to have “at least 1 kid” and we have to see our pretty kids. *sigh* 

Its just not for us – to quote Carrie – we love kids but we just don’t want them. Why is it anyone’s business anyway?! If we don’t want them, then its our business and our lives will still be complete without them.

Post # 4
Member
2443 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow, I can’t stand people like this. How is it selfish not to want children? It’s not like your decision is affecting her life in any way. I say just don’t discuss children with your friend. If she brings it up just say, this is our life, not yours. 

(Full disclosure: Darling Husband and I plan to have children but because we want to, not because we feel like we’re supposed to)

Post # 5
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m going to use the phrase “crickets and disgust” whenever possible now!  Anyway, I could not agree with you more.  I think that you and your SO are actually taking the responsible route by refusing to have kids simply because “that’s what people do.”  If you do have kids in the future, you will probably do it for all the right reasons and be prepared to actually raise them when they come along.  If you don’t, you’ll know you made that decision for the right reasons, too.  That sounds like the opposite of selfish to me!

Post # 8
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

you cant win.  If you have kids, people insult, and if you dont have kids, people insult.  What people really need to realize is that making the decision to have kids (or not) is HUGELY personal for a couple and is NONE of their business in trying to alter their thinking.  That makes me mad for you…and Im having a child next month. 

Post # 10
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you are being very logical. I wish more people would take all factors into consideration before they made the decision to become parents.

Darling Husband owns a business and they work with the government to employee people from welfare. Many of his employees are chronically poor, meaning they have never made enough money to live above the poverty line. They ALL have multiple children (and pets, and smoke, and have made tons of other non-essential money draining life decisions). It drives me crazy that they continue to populate the planet with children they cannot afford to raise all because society tells them that they should.

I applaud you for setting your priorities and not bending to societal pressure!

Post # 11
Member
1759 posts
Buzzing bee

I feel the same way. Except, I don’t really like kids to begin with. I think having kids when you don’t really want to is bad for the poor kid. Also, we are already extremely over-populated, so it’s actually a good thing that some people don’t want children. The whole selfish argument makes no sense to me. I’m doing people a service by not making them put up with my kids in the future, lol.

As for the argument that there won’t be anyone to take care of you–well, I wouldn’t want my children to feel like that had to take care of me anyway. AND, all the money I’ll have saved up not having kids can go toward other people taking care of me–people who have chosen to do it as a career choice. As for the money leftover, there’s always charities and whatnot.

People who want children, who have the means and strength for them should certainly have them. But no one should be forced one way or another.

Post # 13
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

AMEN SISTER!!! I get so tired of having to defend myself to people for something that is no one’s damn business (yes, even you, family members!!!). I deal with this all the time from family members, friends, even strangers, and honestly, it makes me want to punch people in the face. Hubs and I are not having kids, so stop trying to talk us into it!! For example, on Fathers day, we were at the ILs house and I was feedling my adorable baby niece, and my SIL  (not baby’s mother) looked at me and said, “that doesn’t make you want one?”. Umm no it doesn’t, it make me grateful that I can give her back and go home to my quiet selfish life where I can do whatever I want! So her Mother-In-Law looks at me and says the same thing she says when this gets brought up, “Yeah, but you’re only 27, you still have time.” “Yes, I do still have time, but time will not change my mind, The older I get, the more sure I am of this decision. So lying to appease you people is just stupid!”

I get so frustrated with people telling me all these things, and convinced I will change my mind.  I am seriously debating cussing out the next person who says something, but am going to basically say, “I can’t have children, so have decided against putting my life at risk to try, Thanks for dredging up those memories though.” Can’t wait to say that to someone!!!

Post # 13
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@VegasSukie: as a parent, ummm…. being a parent IS NOT FOR EVERYONE.  Those who are demanding you have a kid obviously don’t know what it’s like to NOT want a kid (which is really weird because there’s ALWAYS a time as a parent where you go “I sooo wish I didn’t have kids”. It doesn’t last long, but it DOES happen.)

If you change your mind, fine. great. but it should ALWAYS be YOUR choice as a couple.  

Ignore the idiots who are trying to say you’ve gotta have a kid.  you don’t.  There are lots of people in this world (past, present, and future) who CAN NOT have kids due to medical reasons.  

Just tell them, it’s not for you, and if they can’t accept that, well, too bad for them. 

Sorry you gotta deal with people like that. 🙁  

 

Oh, and as to the why, here are two possibilities: They probably love being a parent so much, they think everyone MUST be a parent or they think you’ve gotta continue the ‘family name’. 

Post # 14
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@VegasSukie: You arent selfish.  If anything, you are quite the opposite for thinking about this so logically.  SHE is being irrational with how insistent she is on the topic.  I mean jeez, people are entitled to free choice here, your decision is NOT hers.  I have friends who dont want children, and they are more than happy to dote on mine and their nieces/nephews/kids friends, etc.  Let them be the cool fun aunt and uncle, who cares?

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