So SO anxious about reading vows — help!

posted 1 year ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
7716 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s your wedding so you can and should absolutely do whatever you’re most comfortable with, whether that means writing vows and only exchanging them in private, or simply using generic vows during your ceremony, or whatever. 

Dh and I wrote our own vows, and we read them to each other in private the night before our wedding. That was a really special moment and definitely reduced my anxiety about reading them in front of 140 people at our wedding the next day. I don’t really consider myself to have social anxiety, but reading such an intimate thing in front of 140 people was still scary to me, as was the idea of hearing what dh wrote for me for the first time! I’m really glad we read them to each other in private ahead of time, and in retrospect am also really glad we included them in our ceremony. So many guests came up to us afterward and told us how special and meaningful our vows were.

But like I said, you gotta do what makes most sense for you and your fi! There’s no right or wrong answer.

Post # 3
Member
8963 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

greeneyedgal13 :  I would ask myself what is the goal or purpose of writing our own vows and reading them during the ceremony, and then see if there is another way to fulfill that purpose with less anxiety. For example, if your main goal is to tell each other how much you love each other, the “first look” idea seems like it would work. You tell each other your private feelings during a private time and use the traditional (less-stress-inducing) vows for the ceremony. If you want to be sure all your loved ones know how much you love each other, you could speak the traditional vows but include your custom ones in a program. 

Post # 4
Member
857 posts
Busy bee

greeneyedgal13 :  Reading them privately sounds much better to me. I did not like the idea of all that public speaking and pressure to write the right thing and not sound too cheesy, etc. We just repeated the (personalized, but standard) vows after the minister “I so-and-so, take you, so-and-so,” etc. because it was easier. There’s no pressure to get all mushy and gushy and have mucus and tears streaming down your face. (No shade to anyone who loves that). 

Darling Husband and I are somewhat private people and we were a-okay with skipping some of the public displays. I would consider the same if I were you. Also, don’t feel too much pressure–we switched some things up with our minister the week of the wedding. It was totally fine 🙂

Post # 5
Member
8795 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

greeneyedgal13 :  

I too think highly personalised vows,  especially if detailing  the way you feel about each other etc are best done in private .  I confess to being a bit  bemused by the desire  to do it publically ( but then vast  numbers of selfies  bemuse me too ! ) 

Also as a guest I am a bit excruciated  hearing them too, as  if the people were reading  their love letters out loud .  I like the dignity of formal  vows in public,  of the style pp janna121215 :  details. 

Post # 6
Member
2291 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

greeneyedgal13 :  FH has stage fright, so we are going to say our vows privately. I think saving them for only each other is sweet and romantic. 

 

🙂

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