(Closed) So So Frusterated- Bad Waiting Night/Day ugh!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

awe blueberries, i am so sad that you are feeling this way and this this is happening for you. you are one of the bees that i still follow along with and i was so sad to check in today and find this post πŸ™ 

Does he know if it is there and just needs to be picked up when the jeweler gets back? 

To be honest, as much as I ABSOLUTELY believe what you are feeling isn’t wrong, I am concerned of one thing. You asked him to go to the jeweler to order the ring at that time… so he did that. You can’t turn around now and be upset that he ordered it from him at that time, right before the jeweler went on vacation… in his mind, he did exactly what you asked him to do! SO this part of it, I think you should give him a break. 

I also feel like he left this all to the last minute. WHich is such a crappy feeling, I know. It was the eleventh hour and he was admitting he didnt know what do do  uggghhh!! There is nothing you can do about this but go to him sweetly and ask him if he left it until the deadline and beyond because he feels pressured/ not ready/ scared etc. which are all natural feelings when you make such a huge life changing move like this… I think if you are comforting towards him ( even though you are the one that needs the damn comfort!!!) you might get some feelings out of him, or it might remind him that he wants to get a ring on it ASAP 

Despite all of this, it sounds like although the timing now sucks, things are on the right track, and it sounds like things are coming along!! I am so excited for you!   Hang in there, stay strong woman! you can do this πŸ™‚ 

Post # 4
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Could the “jeweler went on vacation” line be a ploy? Maybe he doesn’t want to tell you that he has the ring because he wants it to be a surprise?

Just a thought…

Post # 5
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think overreacting a bit, is the jeweler supposed to put his life on hold so you can get the ring? But, I overreact to things that may be important to me and goofy to others, so it’s all a crapshoot. Just calm down and your time will come. I really don’t think one month post-timeline is a matter of life and death.

Also, there’s no law that says your SO has to propose with THE ring. Dear Fiance wanted the proposal to be a complete surprise (I always ruin anything he tried to surprise me with – I knew about my 30th birthday surprise party and helped him plan it without him knowing), but he was also too scared to purchase jewelry for me. Smart guy. Smile He proposed with a simple gold band that was in a bag full of old jewely his Mom gave him to sell. I love it because he gave it to me with good intentions,but he really wanted to buy me something so we went shopping together and I picked my engagment ring. That’s what worked for us. Also, while my engagement ring was being sized, I had the proposal ring to wear. I’ll probably end up wearing my proposal ring on my right at some point. The engagement ring is the ego (he wanted to get me something sparkly and pretty to show off), the proposal ring was given to me with the promise of a life together.

Post # 6
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

To be honest, I do think you are overreacting.  While I can understand the feelings of frustration and of wanting to “move forward” with your life, I also think that he has been honest with you and not everything in life happens at exactly the moment you want it to.  And yes, perhaps he left it to “too late” to tell you that he was having troubles buying a ring without your input, but it doesn’t seem like he did that maliciously.  

A few weeks (or even months!) is not a big thing in the scheme of living a happy life, and I encourage you to try your best to stay calm, let go of the frustration and impatience and enjoy this time in your life.  Do you want your memories of getting engaged to be marred by these negative feelings? I wouldn’t.  

p.s. you could always discuss with him the possibility of proposing without the ring. Blasphamy to many, I know. But possible and not unheard of.  Just sayin’. 

Best of luck! Hang in there, keep calm and carry on, good things are coming your way.

Post # 7
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think he could’ve organized things a lot better- I know that him telling you about proposing at the end of September got your hopes up, but at least it was because he wanted to get you a ring he thought you’d like! It might seem like he’s dragging his feet, but don’t worry- wait gracefully, because it’s much more becoming and it’s much less indicative of a bridal breakdown later on! You’re doing really well, best of luck πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

There is an addage that goes……

Asking a man to be home on time (or propose on time) is like asking a woman to be ready to go on time.

 

Honestly, it sounds like he was TRYING to meet your deadline.  He didn’t feel like he could make it and he came to you to re-evaluate.  Sensing your frustration he provided another deadline…… but THAT’S where he went wrong.  He shouldn’t have promised a deadline when things were beyond his control.

Because emotion is involved you are looking at this in a very rigid way.  And I think that’s unacceptable.  However, you know quite a few things:

1.   a proposal is emminent.  It’s just about timing.  But timing isn’t going to take YEARS.  we’re talking weeks or months.

2.  Here is a man who takes your preferences into account, but ultimately wants to “man-up”.  You’re job is to LET HIM.  If you continue to nag and get frustrated AT HIM for things that aren’t really in his control….. you just come off as ungrateful.

3.  Timeline shimeline.  I agree that a timeline is a wonderful and necessary thing.  But a timeline HAS to be fluid…. or YOU will spend the rest of your life unhappy.  Things tend not to work out exactly how we want them…. but here’s the thing….. they often work out.  So chill out.

4.  The WORST kind of pie to have to eat is the one where you have bitched at someone about something you want them to do and then find out they were planning to do it all along.  So….. zip it. 

5.  Go buy yourself an engagement outfit.  If you aren’t wearing it when he proposes….. wear it the first date after you are official.  Get your nails done.  Get a massage.  Have a martini.  Whatever you need to do to take your mind off this UNTIL AFTER CHRISTMAS.  Yep, that’s what I said.  AFTER CHRISTMAS.  Take the pressure off him. 

 

Lastly….. if it takes him 3 months longer to propose that you agreed to……. is that worth leaving the relationship?  If yes….. then leave.  If not.  Then stop complaining TO HIM (just vent to the bees).

Post # 9
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I feel you, I really do.  It can be SO FRUSTRATING when guys just don’t get it.  But you’ve got to let it go for both of your sakes.  If he’s the one, he’ll get it together and get the ring and give it to you soon enough. 

I’m here to tell you from the happily married other side that it will work out and you’ll be glad you gave him the space and time to get his crap together.  My husband bought a diamond and didn’t get a ring and propose for almost a year.  A YEAR! 

Post # 10
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

I would be SO upset. Wait, something similar did happen when I was waiting and I was REALLY upset! This sounds pretty typical for a guy.

@blueberries123:,  he wants to marry you and wanted to make sure you had the perfect ring. He didnt go about things in the best way possible but its beacuse he wanted to make sure you got what you wanted. Go read some of the threads about girls getting rings that cost $8 or are made of silver and CZ. This is a first world problem and will be the first of many you and your beloved have πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@blueberries123:  He found a ring you will love, it’s ordered, relax! 2.5 years together is a very short time, you need to relax and stop pressuring this man to propose, he will do it when he is ready to. If you love him, leave it be, if you care more about a ring and a party then by all means keep trying to force things.

Post # 14
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@blueberries123:  definitely be patient through this. if in fact this is the real story, he seems like he is trying hard now. I know my Fiance got really stressed (he told me after) because it was so much harder than he thought  and he knew nothing about rings. He didnt know there were so many things that he needed to consider, cut, clarity, size, carat, colour, ordering it, appraisal, insurance… then waiting to get it..  funny thing is ( i hope this makes you smile..) he was most worried and delayed a little because the box didnt flip open, it slid open and he always thought they flipped, so he didnt know what to do! 

paint your nails girlie.. i know its hard but it will be worth it some day very soon 

Post # 15
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

go easy on him blue! he’s trying!

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