Post # 1
Just up date on my situation and new things that have come to light.
Bit of a backround story:I have to admit I had gotten on his case about getting married because weve been together for a long time and we are at a point where we need to move forward in the relationship or re-evalute things. I want us to finally live together and of course I have a desire for children, he told me he feels the same. My SO told me that we would be engaged by the end of this past September. We have been together 2.5 yrs and we are in our 30’s.
But at the end of Sept my SO comes to me and tells me he is frusterated, hes been to 5 jewlerry stores in the last month and because he doesn’t know anything about diamonds or the style ring I want he is having a hard time deciding on anything because rings are so expensive and it is a big investment. He asks me for help to pick something. He ultimately wants to go alone to actually buy it but wants an idea of what I like.
I am annoyed at this because its the end of September and I know because of this we wont be engaged when he said we would be. My heart sunk and i was EXTREMELY dissapointed and after crying for awhile I thought about how I love this man and I understand how much rings cost and he wants me to like it and spend his money wisely so I try to let the deadline go. I go with him to a few stores and we decide on a few rings. I tell him ultimately I want it to be his decision and decide on one and surprise me. I ask him if he will go to his jewler this coming week to order it. He assures me he would.
2 weeks go by (we are in the middle of October now) and I ask him if he’s ordered the ring and if he has it. He says he did order it but doesn’t have it yet. Fine. I don’t speak another word of it until yesturday. I ask him if he got it yet.
He tells me no not yet. The jewler “went on vacation right after he went in to see him” and although he placed the order he doesnt have it yet. He tells the the jewler is suppose be back this week. GRRRRRRRRRR this annoys me to no end. I mean after he told me he was going to propose me by Sept and couldn’t meet the deadline why would he go to this jewler and order a ring knowing the jewler wouldnt be able to do the ring right away?
I am sooo angry right now, Im assuming this means a few more weeks of waiting? Am I over reacting Bees? How would y’all feel in this situation?
Post # 3
awe blueberries, i am so sad that you are feeling this way and this this is happening for you. you are one of the bees that i still follow along with and i was so sad to check in today and find this post 🙁
Does he know if it is there and just needs to be picked up when the jeweler gets back?
To be honest, as much as I ABSOLUTELY believe what you are feeling isn’t wrong, I am concerned of one thing. You asked him to go to the jeweler to order the ring at that time… so he did that. You can’t turn around now and be upset that he ordered it from him at that time, right before the jeweler went on vacation… in his mind, he did exactly what you asked him to do! SO this part of it, I think you should give him a break.
I also feel like he left this all to the last minute. WHich is such a crappy feeling, I know. It was the eleventh hour and he was admitting he didnt know what do do uggghhh!! There is nothing you can do about this but go to him sweetly and ask him if he left it until the deadline and beyond because he feels pressured/ not ready/ scared etc. which are all natural feelings when you make such a huge life changing move like this… I think if you are comforting towards him ( even though you are the one that needs the damn comfort!!!) you might get some feelings out of him, or it might remind him that he wants to get a ring on it ASAP
Despite all of this, it sounds like although the timing now sucks, things are on the right track, and it sounds like things are coming along!! I am so excited for you! Hang in there, stay strong woman! you can do this 🙂
Post # 4
Could the “jeweler went on vacation” line be a ploy? Maybe he doesn’t want to tell you that he has the ring because he wants it to be a surprise?
Just a thought…
Post # 5
I think overreacting a bit, is the jeweler supposed to put his life on hold so you can get the ring? But, I overreact to things that may be important to me and goofy to others, so it’s all a crapshoot. Just calm down and your time will come. I really don’t think one month post-timeline is a matter of life and death.
Also, there’s no law that says your SO has to propose with THE ring. Dear Fiance wanted the proposal to be a complete surprise (I always ruin anything he tried to surprise me with – I knew about my 30th birthday surprise party and helped him plan it without him knowing), but he was also too scared to purchase jewelry for me. Smart guy. He proposed with a simple gold band that was in a bag full of old jewely his Mom gave him to sell. I love it because he gave it to me with good intentions,but he really wanted to buy me something so we went shopping together and I picked my engagment ring. That’s what worked for us. Also, while my engagement ring was being sized, I had the proposal ring to wear. I’ll probably end up wearing my proposal ring on my right at some point. The engagement ring is the ego (he wanted to get me something sparkly and pretty to show off), the proposal ring was given to me with the promise of a life together.
Post # 6
To be honest, I do think you are overreacting. While I can understand the feelings of frustration and of wanting to “move forward” with your life, I also think that he has been honest with you and not everything in life happens at exactly the moment you want it to. And yes, perhaps he left it to “too late” to tell you that he was having troubles buying a ring without your input, but it doesn’t seem like he did that maliciously.
A few weeks (or even months!) is not a big thing in the scheme of living a happy life, and I encourage you to try your best to stay calm, let go of the frustration and impatience and enjoy this time in your life. Do you want your memories of getting engaged to be marred by these negative feelings? I wouldn’t.
p.s. you could always discuss with him the possibility of proposing without the ring. Blasphamy to many, I know. But possible and not unheard of. Just sayin’.
Best of luck! Hang in there, keep calm and carry on, good things are coming your way.
Post # 7
I think he could’ve organized things a lot better- I know that him telling you about proposing at the end of September got your hopes up, but at least it was because he wanted to get you a ring he thought you’d like! It might seem like he’s dragging his feet, but don’t worry- wait gracefully, because it’s much more becoming and it’s much less indicative of a bridal breakdown later on! You’re doing really well, best of luck 🙂
Post # 8
There is an addage that goes……
Asking a man to be home on time (or propose on time) is like asking a woman to be ready to go on time.
Honestly, it sounds like he was TRYING to meet your deadline. He didn’t feel like he could make it and he came to you to re-evaluate. Sensing your frustration he provided another deadline…… but THAT’S where he went wrong. He shouldn’t have promised a deadline when things were beyond his control.
Because emotion is involved you are looking at this in a very rigid way. And I think that’s unacceptable. However, you know quite a few things:
1. a proposal is emminent. It’s just about timing. But timing isn’t going to take YEARS. we’re talking weeks or months.
2. Here is a man who takes your preferences into account, but ultimately wants to “man-up”. You’re job is to LET HIM. If you continue to nag and get frustrated AT HIM for things that aren’t really in his control….. you just come off as ungrateful.
3. Timeline shimeline. I agree that a timeline is a wonderful and necessary thing. But a timeline HAS to be fluid…. or YOU will spend the rest of your life unhappy. Things tend not to work out exactly how we want them…. but here’s the thing….. they often work out. So chill out.
4. The WORST kind of pie to have to eat is the one where you have bitched at someone about something you want them to do and then find out they were planning to do it all along. So….. zip it.
5. Go buy yourself an engagement outfit. If you aren’t wearing it when he proposes….. wear it the first date after you are official. Get your nails done. Get a massage. Have a martini. Whatever you need to do to take your mind off this UNTIL AFTER CHRISTMAS. Yep, that’s what I said. AFTER CHRISTMAS. Take the pressure off him.
Lastly….. if it takes him 3 months longer to propose that you agreed to……. is that worth leaving the relationship? If yes….. then leave. If not. Then stop complaining TO HIM (just vent to the bees).
Post # 9
I feel you, I really do. It can be SO FRUSTRATING when guys just don’t get it. But you’ve got to let it go for both of your sakes. If he’s the one, he’ll get it together and get the ring and give it to you soon enough.
I’m here to tell you from the happily married other side that it will work out and you’ll be glad you gave him the space and time to get his crap together. My husband bought a diamond and didn’t get a ring and propose for almost a year. A YEAR!
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
I would be SO upset. Wait, something similar did happen when I was waiting and I was REALLY upset! This sounds pretty typical for a guy.
@blueberries123:, he wants to marry you and wanted to make sure you had the perfect ring. He didnt go about things in the best way possible but its beacuse he wanted to make sure you got what you wanted. Go read some of the threads about girls getting rings that cost $8 or are made of silver and CZ. This is a first world problem and will be the first of many you and your beloved have 🙂
Post # 11
@Seashells7: Aw seashells I always love your posts! You bring up some good points in this one as well. I never thought about the fact that I did ask him to go get the ring that week and he did just that it just so happened that this jewler went on holiday. But thats just what I’m wondering is why would he go to this particular jewler if he knew there would be such a delay. I asked him this yesturday and he wouldn’t answer the question. I know I should be happy about him ordering the ring and I feel badly about being so angry but at the same time I can’t help but feel what you wrote about him waiting until practically the last minute to do everything. It hurts alot. But I try to think that maybe he didn’t know how difficult it would be to find a ring. He hates shopping so I think he thought he was just going to be able to walk into a store choose it in an hour and walk out with it. He was probably completely overwhelmed and saw that it just doesnt work that way you have to do your research, you have to learn about diamonds ect. The rings we looked at weren’t cheap so thats why I let the deadline go 🙁
Its this last stunt with this vacationing jeweler that has got the best of me. I know it the grand scheme of things 1 or 2 months isn’t a big deal. But when your waiting to be asked the biggest question of your life it is. Thanks for your reply.
Post # 12
@blueberries123: He found a ring you will love, it’s ordered, relax! 2.5 years together is a very short time, you need to relax and stop pressuring this man to propose, he will do it when he is ready to. If you love him, leave it be, if you care more about a ring and a party then by all means keep trying to force things.
Post # 14
@blueberries123: definitely be patient through this. if in fact this is the real story, he seems like he is trying hard now. I know my Fiance got really stressed (he told me after) because it was so much harder than he thought and he knew nothing about rings. He didnt know there were so many things that he needed to consider, cut, clarity, size, carat, colour, ordering it, appraisal, insurance… then waiting to get it.. funny thing is ( i hope this makes you smile..) he was most worried and delayed a little because the box didnt flip open, it slid open and he always thought they flipped, so he didnt know what to do!
paint your nails girlie.. i know its hard but it will be worth it some day very soon
Post # 15
go easy on him blue! he’s trying!
Post # 16
You guys have no idea how much I needed all these reassuring comments you’ve completely turned my day around thanks girls I will try to be more patient with him. I know he is trying I have to trust that everything will come together soon. I really need to be more positive he is doing everything he can to get this done and I’m being a bit of a brat! Thanks for opening my eyes Bees appreciate it!