Post # 1
My wedding may get called off. Not my relationship, we are more in love then ever, but my wedding. We are/were getting married in October and had really done a good amount of planning. We were counting on my fiance’s parents helping out with the bill and now they are being difficult. His parents are very wealthy and have always been there to help out their kids whenever they have asked.
Now, I know it’s not their job to help with the wedding, it’s my parents, but my dad died when I was young and my mom can’t afford her own bills so that’s not happening. We have done everything we can to keep our wedding cheap, at tops it will have cost around $8000.
Well, my fiance called his dad the other night to ask about money and his dad and mom just don’t see this wedding as important at all. My fiance was married before but this is my first wedding. They have made comments here and there about just keeping it close family because it’s a second wedding. That we shouldn’t register for gifts or I shouldn’t have a shower. It really upsets me because this is my first, and only, chance for a wedding and now it’s being taken away. They told him that we shouldn’t invite anybody that was at his previous wedding and we just need to figure something else out.
Of course, I am really upset that I may not get to have a fun reception with all our friends and family, but more than anything I’m upset that his family doesn’t seem to care at all about this wedding. My family is not the most outstanding and they really have never cared much about eachother so I was excited to join a family that was excited for me and care about my (fiance and I) family. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.
Ugh…okay I’m done complaining. Thanks for reading.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t call it off. And since it’s your first wedding, even though not his, you have every right to have things the way you want them, and register for gifts, etc. Don’t give up on it yet. Even without help from his parents you can still have a lovely, if lower-budget, wedding. Good luck!
Post # 4
Wow… it seems odd to be that they aren’t acknowledging that this is your first wedding. They must be embarassed that their son has been divorced?
Do all you can to not call it off. You deserve a wedding… regardless of the level of support coming from your FIs family.
That having been said… it’s really not fair to rely on anyone for money. If you can’t come up with the money yourself by then maybe you can delay the wedding until you can?
Post # 5
@csperry2: Yes, we are already talking about some things we can do differently. And it wasn’t us just asking for some money, we told them that we completely planned on paying them back for everything. I’m just more hurt than anything. And yes, they are very devote catholics and he is sort of the black sheep of the family so that could be part of it but still, there’s no reason we shouldn’t be able to have a great wedding just because it’s his second.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry, that is a really curmmy way for them to be treating a new family member 🙁
Please don’t listen to them, and plan your day exactlly the way you two want it. You have every right to a beautiful wedding, even if it’s your 19th!
Post # 7
Why is it your “first and ONLY” chance for a wedding exactly?
Post # 8
@ViaMinorViator: She’s probably not planning on divorcing her husband and marrying a second time…
OP – Any chance you can either postpone or simply juggle things around? For example, maybe sit down with your Fiance and write down your top 3 “must haves” – anything not on that list, look into either seriously downgrading it (ex: instead of fresh flowers do silk/fake from Michael’s) or cutting altogether. You can also switch from a dinner reception to brunch, which saves a TON of money.
Or you can postpone while you try and save the rest of the money for the wedding you’ve been planning. Sorry his parents are being difficult, but sometimes that just happens.
Post # 9
@ViaMinorViator: who gets married and plans to do it again? If you do… don’t!
To OP: I’m sorry you FIL’s are so down on your wedding. I’m sure if you ask around that there are plenty other people who are thrilled for the two of you and happy to attend your wedding. I can understand only a little how they feel – by paying for it and inviting people they’re asking for gifts for him – again. They may be embarassed that he was divorced. Does he have another family memeber he can ask for advice?
Post # 10
@Sunfire: This! I wouldn’t call it off because your future in-laws aren’t excited. You both deserve to have the wedding you want.
Post # 11
@ViaMinorViator: As the above posted, divorcing my future husband isn’t in the plans….
@MissCalifornia: I am thinking maybe we’ll just forget about the reception at the venue and just do something simple at the church. And the brunch is a great idea, We were going to do a 4pm ceremony but maybe we can do it earlier and have a mid day thing so we don’t have to serve a meal. great thinking!
@almostmrsj: I don’t really know what their problem is but whatever. My fiance is soo angry with them right now he doesn’t even want to invite them to the wedding any more. Which won’t happen because I won’t allow it but he is very frustrated. And it’s not just this, history goes way back with them. I might have him talk to his sister’s and see what they think.
Post # 12
@Birdee106: i would suggest lowering your budget to what you and your fi can afford. the best way to cut back would be to invite fewer guests. that would mean smaller venue, less food and drink. pp mentioned a brunch. some venues have discounts on sundays or fridays or even waive the rental fee if off-season. sit down with your fi to figure out a budget and be realistic when researching vendors. i know that your wedding is your one big day and you should have it, if you can, but remember what’s important is the marriage that lasts beyond that one day.
Post # 13
@Birdee106: It isn’t your parents job or his parents job to pay. It used to be that the brides family paid but that is a very old tradition, these days couples pay for their own weddings. This wedding is your responsibility to pay for. With that said, this is your first (and only) wedding and you deserve to be celebrated, you can register, you can have a shower and you can enjoy all the “bride” things. You just need to plan a wedding that you and for Fiance can afford, the good news is you still have time until October!! Good luck!
Post # 14
Well, if you read what you wrote you the sentence structure is such that it implies that you have no other opportunity to get married. Meaning, my wedding date is the only day that I can ever get married as opposed to “I only want to be married once!”
Post # 15
Also: I agree with the PP, it isn’t ANYONE’s responsibility to pay for your wedding but you and your Fiancee. Budget for that, and if anyone surprises you with a monetary gift towards the costs, great. Just because your Fiancee’s family is wealthy does not automatically mean that they are obligated to shower you with money.
Post # 16
I’m sorry. This is a bummer that they aren’t being supportive. I think it’s really rude for them to have made some of the comments about not inviting anyone or registering, etc.
And I in no way want to be rude or bait, but I can’t help but point out that it’s no one’s responsibility to pay for your wedding but you and Fiance. It’s great that some people’s parents can, and choose to help out, but I honestly think that the majority of people these days do pay for their own wedding and have the wedding they can afford – big or small. Telling someone you will pay them back is not the same as saving money and paying for your own wedding. Did you talk to them about helping out before you started planning? It sounds like they are pretty up front people.
Again, I’m sorry. It is disappointing, but I do think in the long run that you and Fiance will end up closer as a unit if you go through the trials and trivulations of saving your own money for the wedding. Also, paying for it yourself gives you the freedom to pretty much totally disregard any family members random advice, wishes, threats, etc. As someone who is planning their 1 year anniversary party/reception (We had a closed wedding because it was both what we could afford and wanted last year) that is something that is PRICELESS.
<3 hugs. Hang in there!