(Closed) So so sad.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t call it off.  And since it’s your first wedding, even though not his, you have every right to have things the way you want them, and register for gifts, etc.  Don’t give up on it yet.  Even without help from his parents you can still have a lovely, if lower-budget, wedding. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow… it seems odd to be that they aren’t acknowledging that this is your first wedding. They must be embarassed that their son has been divorced?

Do all you can to not call it off. You deserve a wedding… regardless of the level of support coming from your FIs family.

That having been said… it’s really not fair to rely on anyone for money. If you can’t come up with the money yourself by then maybe you can delay the wedding until you can?

Post # 6
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m so sorry, that is a really curmmy way for them to be treating a new family member 🙁

Please don’t listen to them, and plan your day exactlly the way you two want it. You have every right to a beautiful wedding, even if it’s your 19th!

Post # 7
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Why is it your “first and ONLY” chance for a wedding exactly?

Post # 8
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

@ViaMinorViator:  She’s probably not planning on divorcing her husband and marrying a second time…

 

OP – Any chance you can either postpone or simply juggle things around? For example, maybe sit down with your Fiance and write down your top 3 “must haves” – anything not on that list, look into either seriously downgrading it (ex: instead of fresh flowers do silk/fake from Michael’s) or cutting altogether. You can also switch from a dinner reception to brunch, which saves a TON of money.

Or you can postpone while you try and save the rest of the money for the wedding you’ve been planning. Sorry his parents are being difficult, but sometimes that just happens.

Post # 9
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@ViaMinorViator: who gets married and plans to do it again?  If you do… don’t!

To OP:  I’m sorry you FIL’s are so down on your wedding.  I’m sure if you ask around that there are plenty other people who are thrilled for the two of you and happy to attend your wedding.  I can understand only a little how they feel – by paying for it and inviting people they’re asking for gifts for him – again.  They may be embarassed that he was divorced.  Does he have another family memeber he can ask for advice? 

Post # 10
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Sunfire:  This!  I wouldn’t call it off because your future in-laws aren’t excited.  You both deserve to have the wedding you want. 

Post # 12
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Birdee106:  i would suggest lowering your budget to what you and your fi can afford.  the best way to cut back would be to invite fewer guests.  that would mean smaller venue, less food and drink.  pp mentioned a brunch.  some venues have discounts on sundays or fridays or even waive the rental fee if off-season.  sit down with your fi to figure out a budget and be realistic when researching vendors.  i know that your wedding is your one big day and you should have it, if you can, but remember what’s important is the marriage that lasts beyond that one day.

Post # 13
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Birdee106:  It isn’t your parents job or his parents job to pay. It used to be that the brides family paid but that is a very old tradition, these days couples pay for their own weddings. This wedding is your responsibility to pay for. With that said, this is your first (and only) wedding and you deserve to be celebrated, you can register, you can have a shower and you can enjoy all the “bride” things. You just need to plan a wedding that you and for Fiance can afford, the good news is you still have time until October!! Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Well, if you read what you wrote you the sentence structure is such that it implies that you have no other opportunity to get married.  Meaning, my wedding date is the only day that I can ever get married as opposed to “I only want to be married once!”

Post # 15
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Also:  I agree with the PP, it isn’t ANYONE’s responsibility to pay for your wedding but you and your Fiancee.  Budget for that, and if anyone surprises you with a monetary gift towards the costs, great.  Just because your Fiancee’s family is wealthy does not automatically mean that they are obligated to shower you with money.

Post # 16
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry. This is a bummer that they aren’t being supportive. I think it’s really rude for them to have made some of the comments about not inviting anyone or registering, etc. 

And I in no way want to be rude or bait, but I can’t help but point out that it’s no one’s responsibility to pay for your wedding but you and Fiance. It’s great that some people’s parents can, and choose to help out, but I honestly think that the majority of people these days do pay for their own wedding and have the wedding they can afford – big or small. Telling someone you will pay them back is not the same as saving money and paying for your own wedding.  Did you talk to them about helping out before you started planning? It sounds like they are pretty up front people. 

Again, I’m sorry. It is disappointing, but I do think in the long run that you and Fiance will end up closer as a unit if you go through the trials and trivulations of saving your own money for the wedding. Also, paying for it yourself gives you the freedom to pretty much totally disregard any family members random advice, wishes, threats, etc. As someone who is planning their 1 year anniversary party/reception (We had a closed wedding because it was both what we could afford and wanted last year) that is something that is PRICELESS. 

<3 hugs. Hang in there!

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