- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
I need help – Picking out things for some of my wedding party (my FI’s family to be exact) has been a nightmare to say the least!!! My future hubbys sister, her hubby, & their 2 kids are all in our wedding (& all their choice, they wanted to be a part of our day) & it seems they have an issue with EVERYTHING! I totally understand being in a wedding can be a financial burden & get very expensive (especially for an entire family) but I’ve bent over backwards to pick the cheapest things I could find (that I would still be happy with) & NOTHING has been good enough. My bridesmaids dresses (future sil gripe was too low cut) only cost $80 (they are long black chiffon davids bridal dresses…I like them but certainly not my 1rst, 2nd, or 3rd choice), shoes were $50 (future sil gripe was the 2.5in heels were too tall), I chose them bc they were reasonably priced, super cute & they can wear again, my flower girl dress would’ve been $75 (but that was a HUGE issue bc too) so I stalked ebay for months until I found exact dress for $40. The latest issue is with the ring bearer tux…I recently found rb tux on clearance at Ross for $10 each (& surprise, surprise there’s an issue with that too). The tux includes black pants, white button up shirt, black tie & tuxedo vests (no jackets) & then I’m having a friend make pink ties for the ring bearers to match my colors (total cost of $14 for ties, $4 for fabric & $10 for labor to make the tie)…however, my understanding is now they’re unhappy w/ tux bc theres no jacket & also bc the tie cost more than the tux (only bc I got tux at such a huge discount)!
If they didnt have the money I would totally get it but that’s not the case & I’m going out of my way to find the cheapest option ever without a thank you or anything. The other bridesmaids in my wedding & ringbearers (parents) were thrilled with everything & very thankful for me trying to save them money. This is becoming a nightmare & really making this entire wedding planning no fun at all for me!!! Everyone else in my wedding has just been so gracious & kind but my future hubby;s family (who I thought I was kinda close to). I’m just sick & tired of it all & dont feel backed up by my future hubby at all. To make matters worse, my future Mother-In-Law is the one relaying these “problems” to me & she always does it with this voice of concern for future sil like I’m doing something to hurt her or something when all along I’ve just been trying to save them money (sometimes I just want to just scream ARE U KIDDING ME???).
Of course, I want to keep them all happy so I’ve just been biting my tounge & catering to them at my own $ expense & I’m constantly doing whatever I can to try to apease them (with no regard to my own happiness). I’m sorry for this long rambling message but I really feel like I have no place to vent & noone to talk to to about it. I dont want to tell my family & friends bc I dont want them to dislike his family.
Is anyone else having these same issues (or am I the only one)??? Also, what do you guys think about the situation with the ringbearers (ages 4 & 5)not wearing jackets???? We are having a 6pm garden wedding & I would prefer them to have jackets too but my FI’s family not wanting to pay rental for one & I’m out of money & patience with them!!! I was just going with the vest only thing to save them money. I feel like they want the nicest things possible & want everything possible but they’re not willing to pay for it! (& I’m already paying for all my bm’s to have a spa day, get hair & makeup on wedding day & I’ve purchased them nice LL Bean monogrammed bags, mini jewelry pouches with their wedding jewelry in it too)…I just cant do anything more. His sis family spends tons of money on other things. What do u think???
One more minor issue that’s bothering me…my future sil & future mil are having a couples shower for us (I know etiquette says they shouldnt be doing it but they wanted to & we both feel honored & happy they want to do this). My future mil bakes cakes (it’s her hobby & she loves doing it) so at first she wanted to do the grooms cake for our wedding (but her & my Fiance later decided against that bc she’s ALWAYS late & we want her to enjoy wedding day too & not be up all night the night before, run late for pics, etc, etc) SO they talked & decided she would make the shower cake instead (she said would be something sentimental she wants to do for my FI) so that’s great & we were both happy for her to make cake for us. However, last Sat we were visiting his fam & she pulls out all these binders w/ pics of cakes she has made in the past for me to look at & asking me which ones I like. I spend an hour (or longer) looking through her books & I pick out 2 or 3 (cakes that I know she made many times & has her “signature” touches on them) & after I point out I like these a whole lot she looks at me & says, “I think since the shower is in Feb I’ll make a valentines cake for the shower instead”…I dont get it, why show me books if all along she knew what she was going to do already??? I just smiled & said whatever you make will be great & we will love it. However, today she sent my Fiance an email telling him about doing the vday cake & asking him if he likes this idea. He mentions it to me & I said it was nice but I wish she would make us a shower cake like she has done for other people & he gets mad at me. I am really grateful for anything she does for us but I dont get it bc she’s asking him so whats the big deal for him to say he would prefer a regular shower cake (she’s made tons of others & they always turn out really nice). We have Valentines Day every year for the rest of our lives that she can make Valentines Day cakes…but only 1 bridal shower cake!!! I feel like he could tell her he would prefer her not do a valentines day themed cake & I think she’ll be happy to make a regular shower cake for him…however, if I tell her that it may be perceived differently.
What do you guys think? Am I wrong? I know in a shower cake is not what’s important & maybe I’m overthinking it all but why even ask me if she didnt care what I would like to have??? Please tell me if you think I’m out of line here. Thanks so much!