(Closed) SO spilled the beans-told me when/where he would propose- now what?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would be happy and go along and tell him to do whatever he wants to do, but you would like the ring to be present. So if its not done, no proposal. Ask him not to let you know if he piks up the ring or not.

. Sure its a little dissapointing for you to know, but you have been directing him all along. What months are OK and Off Limits so I can totally get why he told you exactly what was going on.

Post # 4
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013


Wow you sound exactly like me a few months ago. I had a simlular situatuon. My now Fiance basically told me  he would be proposing within two weeks. I didnt know how or which day though. I kinda brought it up and and he told me. I wished he wouldnt of bc I wanted it to be a surprise. However, he did it in a sweet unexpected way. Even though I know it was coming it was still special and we are very happy together.

I am that girl who dreamed about that ‘proposal” moment since I was very little. Though it wasnt exactly a surpirse or the way I envisioned it I have to say I could have never prepared myself for how I felt when I actually happened. My heart was beating so fast, I was full of giddiness and happiness. It was such a wonderful moment in a my life that I would never do over.

If you and your so really love each other, which it seems you do. The proposal will be special no matter if it is a surprise or not.  Knowing that you get to be with your best friend forever is a great feeling! I would go on your trip! You still dont know exactly which day of the trip or how he will propose yet. So you will still be surpirsed!!!


By the way Congrats on your upcoming proposal!!!

Post # 5
192 posts
Blushing bee

I’m in a similar situation. I’ve been wanting an Amora Gem for the engagement ring and SO agreed because he’s anti-diamond. The Gem isn’t for sale yet and we won’t know exactly when it’s going to be ready, but we’re hoping before the end of the year. I talked with SO about wanting the proposal to be somewhere special and memorable.

He’s a marathoner and I’m just getting into running and he tells me that he thinks the ring will be ready by a December marathon he usually runs and it would be really cool if I run the marathon with him and he proposes at the finish. I told him that that would ruin the surprise and he says that since I’ll know when he has the ring and I picked it out, it’s not much of a surprise anyway.

I’m a little disappointed, but I know we can’t afford the ring and to go somewhere special. I feel like it won’t be as special if I know exactly when it’s going to happen.


Post # 6
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Honestly, you’re bringing this grief on yourself! I think you just need to step back, relax, and put the reins back into his hands. You’re making it so much more dramatic than it needs to be!

Before we got engaged, we were going on a big vacation of the east coast. I was 99.9% sure he would propose on the trip, and I even kind of knew how he might ask me (because I would have chosen the same thing). I didn’t let it stress me out or take over my brain. I just enjoyed our time together and the memories we were making. Knowihy he would propose didn’t take one ounce of excitement away. I think we build up proposals so much when what’s really exciting that what comes after they ask you to marry them.

Post # 9
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I want to agree with all these bees and I also wanted to point out that I got engaged on a Tuesday and it was the most romantic day ever because it was the day he proposed to me.  Like said previously take a step back and let your Fiance have the control back, saying when and when he can’t propose and getting all worked up about it is what is making it not romantic.  I promise, it doesn’t really matter when or where he proposes it will be romantic and wonderful!

Post # 10
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@HeartsandSparkles:  I don’t think it’s ruined! Like you, I totally want mine to be a surprise. However, it sounds like you know exactly what you want and when, and I think he was just trying to do his best to fit everything within your timeline. Look at it this way: at the very least, you’ll be able to do your nails and hair and makeup for the perfect moment! Meanwhile, I’ll probably look like a hot mess for mine and it won’t be optimized for dress-shopping time with my family.

P.S. I’ve been writing proposal blurbs for around two months now, and some of the most romantic ones happen during the week!

Post # 12
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I completely understand your frustration over hte wait, and I don’t think he should have told you but try not to stress about how much time he is putting into it. Even if he hasn’t booked it, I am sure he has thought about it and stressed over it – it may not be a dream proposal but hopefully you have a dream man. I would rather you jusdge the moment after the fact than worry urself sad that he hasnt cared enough about it. A mexico vacation proposal sounds super romantic!

Post # 14
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

HeartsandSparkles _ The costume thing makes more sense. My Boyfriend or Best Friend is not very detail oriented so I’m expecting him to be frustrated by the proposal planning details lol. 
I hope it turns out great however it happens!
I’m a law school bee too so I understand not wanting to stress about the wedding planning while studying for the bar. I’m a 2L trying to get married during 3L so I can avoid that! 🙂 

Post # 15
2122 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

I strongly suspected/90% knew where and when for my proposal, and yet, it was absolutely perfect even though I knew it was coming.. the things he said, the fact that it was official, wearing the ring.. so perfect!!

I hope it can be for you too!

Post # 16
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My Fiance got drunk one night and let slip that he was planning to propose in Paris on my birthday (about 3 months away at the time).  But because I wasn’t working and he had to support me, he couldn’t afford to do it.

We had already discussed marriage, and I had already halfway guessed that was what he was planning.  Obviously, I was a bit upset that we couldn’t afford to do it.  We talked about it the next day during a picnic and I told him that as I already knew he was going to propose, he may as well do it straight away, and he did.   Occasionally (now nearly 3 years later) I get bummed that I didn’t get the big surprise proposal.   But then I remind myself that I’m a grown woman of nearly 45 and we are still engaged! 

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