- 6 years ago
I’m a 33 year old waiting bee. I’ve been together with my SO for almost 4 years now and I’ve been living with him for 3,5 years. He is 34 years old. So by now you’d think that he would have proposed to me. He has jokingly remarked about getting married someday. He has also told me what he would give me as an engagement seal – it’s not going to be a traditional ring (I’m fine with the prospect of not having a ring). So I waited and waited and waited. I expressed my thought in a slight-handed and joking way, but he could not have misinterpreted my feelings. Maybe the intensity of them, but not the idea.
I became really tired of waiting, so I asked him yesterday why he hasn’t asked me yet. And he said that he didn’t think that marrying was so important to him. I just started crying. I have been crying for yesterday and today. Based on his earlier remarks about marriage and engagement seals I truly believed that he would like to marry me and be happy about marrying me one day. Hinting about marriage and not making it true is very cruel.
I did say to him yesterday and today that marrying is very important to me. It could be a dealbreaker. He said: “Do you really need a piece of paper instead of me? Don’t you trust me without it? Haven’t I shown you that I’m committed to you? I did not know that you think so seriously about marriage.” So all of a sudden it’s me who’s the one to blame?! Today he said that yes, he wants to marry me some day. He says he loves me and wants to go on living with me. I’m afraid he’s just stalling. Now I don’t know what to believe.
He is a dependable person. I’ve been ill for a lot of our time together. I have gotten my Master’s degree and haven’t gotten a job so far (partly because of my healt problems). It has not been always easy.
I have not pressured him. I have been joking about the marriage in the hope of encouraging him. I tried to talk about getting engaged a bit earlier in our relationship, but he shrugged it off, so I was afraid to talk to him seriously again. So now he says that he hasn’t known my true feelings. Really…?
I don’t expect a big wedding, going to the registry office together would be fine. Possibly our parents and siblings would be present and maybe a small get-together for friends afterwards.
It would be nice to know that he appreciates me so much that the would marry me. I don’t want children and neither does he. I’m not religious and he isn’t either.
But… I have grown a bit bitter already. I’ve gone past my happy expectation point. Still I love him. He could not say when he would propose to me. This is tearing me apart. How about my goals in life? How about my feelings? If we stay together I could become more resentful towards him. And when he’d finally propose I would perhaps not be truly happy about it.
I don’t know how to get him to understand that I’m serious about this. He hasn’t seen me this upset before. Not this deadly serious upset. We have had rows, of course, but not this. I refuse to be ridiculed about this. I don’t know if I’ll move away. I will not take his jokes about getting married any more. He has to talk about getting married seriously.