Post # 1
So, all along one detail we were for sure about was to have no kids at our wedding. We are having an evening (6pm) ceremony and mulitiple course dinner at a very fancy restaurant.
About 2 weeks after we set our date, my sister (MOH) finds out she’s pregnant, and no idea when the date is. I asked my sister/mom should I wait to find out her due date before I book our wedding in case the dates are too close? They say, no, don’t plan your day around other people, go ahead and book.
Fast forward to last week- my sister finds out her due date, and instead of her being pregnant at my wedding, which was originally thought to be the case…she is going to have a 3 week old baby instead.
So…now my mom is telling me that I can’t not allow my sister to bring her baby to our wedding. The problem with that is…how can I tell the 4 other couples that will have under 6 month old babies that they can’t bring their baby then allow my sister to have her baby there? And further, where does it stop? What about the older toddlers/children that aren’t invited? We really wanted NO children AT ALL> there.
The restaurant is a stand alone building…there is no hallway or anything to sneak out with a crying baby. Our wedding is in the middle of winter, so sneaking outside is not an option either. The bathrooms are downstairs…no change tables.
I am so stressed out…my Fiance and I were very adament that we wanted no babies/children at our wedding. I don’t know what to do. We have things booked, so can’t change our date.
Can babies that old not be separated from their mother? Is a few hours really too much to ask?
Post # 3
Ooh that’s an icky situation! I’m sorry I’ve no useful ideas for you, but good luck with it! Weddings just seem to be complication central, don’t they!
Post # 4
That is definitely a tough call. if I were you though I would stick to your guns. Clearly your wedding is not designed to accomodate children and there is reason for that. You put the idea os holding off to your mother and sister before setting the date and they told you to go ahead knowing that you didn’t want kids at the wedding. I know your mom thinks the baby should be there but what does your sister have to say about it? Is there a compromise you could reach? Like the baby can’t come but your sister doesn’t have to stay…she could leave right after pictures after the ceremony and forego(sp?) the reception? Good Luck!!
Post # 5
I would say to let your sister know about the amenities (or lack thereof) at the restaurant and let her know that you don’t think she would really be comfortable there with a baby, but not say outwardly that she should not bring the baby. Even if she does decide to bring it, I’m sure she recognizes that this is your wedding and it is very sacred, and I would hope that she would make sure the baby wasn’t disruptive at all. I don’t think other people should be offended by you not allowing most children, because she is your sister, and the baby will still be very young.
That’s just my opinion, but I know many people have very strong opinions on not having kids at weddings, which I definitely don’t agree with.
Post # 6
I would talk to your sister about it. Does she live near the reception location or will she be traveling out of town? As a mom, I don’t think I would feel comfortable leaving a newborn with someone else. Would she have someone to stay at the hotel with the baby if she does have to travel. These would be my main concerns, see how she feels about it.
As far as the other children a baby who is a few weeeks old and mostly sleeps is a lot different then a baby who is sitting up and a wake and wants to be entertained. And its your SISTER, I think they would understand.
Post # 7
I am very supportive of weddings without children (we had one!).. but I think you have to make an exception here. It’s usually generally understood that nursing babies are the exception to the rule. I’m not sure if your sister is planning to breastfeed, but if she is, she absolutely can not be seperated from the baby when it’s only three weeks old. Babies that young pretty much just eat and sleep… so most people will barely know there is a baby in attendance. I would hate for your sister to miss out on your big day because of this.
ETA: We had a rule of no children.. but my MOH’s sister (a good family friend) did bring her nursing daughter and she was a perfect angel. They left after dinner when the music got too loud of the baby but she was able to enjoy the most important parts of the day.
Post # 8
I would leave it up to your sister if she wants to bring the baby. Most babies that age will sleep most of the time but she may want an hour or so out of the house w/o baby. As for the other parents, explain to them that you made an exception because she is your sister and the baby is so young. Personally I wouldn’t want to bring an infant to a wedding so many of them might feel the same way.
Post # 9
Oh no! Sorry things didn’t exactly turn out the way you had planned…I don’t have firsthand experience with babies yet, so I don’t actually know if they can be separated for a few hours…I understand that you don’t want to have any kids at all but I think other couples with children would understand being that it’s your sister, and she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor. Maybe you could talk to your sister and see what she thinks? Explain to her if she doesn’t already know, the inconveniences that would be present at the venue if she were to bring the baby. Is she adamant on bringing the baby? Personally, I don’t think I’d want my new(ish) born to be out and around a bunch of people just yet, especially in the winter but that’s just me (without any firsthand experience!).
In terms of where to draw the line–that’s completely up to you and your Fiance to decide. Fiance and I are only allowing children of family members and while friends have asked if they can bring their children, we politely tell them our rule and as far as I know, everyone has understood and respected that (so far…I guess we’ll see the day of!).
Post # 10
I think you could definitely allow your sister to be the only one with a baby and not worry about what other people are going to think. 3 weeks is very different from “under 6 months” so I wouldn’t worry about it. That being said your sister may not want to have a baby there if there are no ameneties for her. Have you talked with her about it? I know my mom and sister don’t always agree so I wouldn’t let my mom’s opinion be the dominant one.
Post # 11
The other babies are also people that are very close to us….
One close friend (considered asking her to be a bm) is going to have a baby maybe a week older than sisters.
One of FI’s close first cousins will have a month and half baby, and another longtime friend will have about the same…maybe 2 months.
I really don’t think I can ask them to leave their babies and let my sister have hers.
Sister and Brother in law live out of town, they will have a hotel room less than a block away.
Right now sister thinks one of them will be able to sneak away, not realizing the lack of ability to do that at this building.
One thing that particulary hurt my feelings was my mom saying she will just look after the baby that day. Seems like that is a big reason for all this…my mom is so excited about the baby, I think she just wants it there to show off to everyone. But it’s my wedding! She is already seeming to forget that! (Selfish bride moment)
Post # 12
There are a couple of other things I would consider here:
1. How far does your sister have to travel to be at the wedding. Hopefully under 30 minutes.
2. Does her in – laws live close by (or other REALLY trusted family/friend)
3. Is she breastfeeding (she may not know this until after the baby is born)
If the reception is not far from her house and she feels she can leave the baby with trusted family and friends then you are in luck. However, it is REALLY unreasonable to MAKE her leave the baby at home at that age. Even if she can leave the baby at home, you need to be prepared that she may have to leave for an emergency and she may have to be pumping several times throughout. I am not sure how long of a day you would expect her to be with you, but typically weddings are a really long affair. She may be able to leave the baby with family for a couple of hours (ie 1-3 hours) but asking her to be gone for more than that is really unreasonable and probably not feasable.
I think it would really have to be the PERFECT scenario for her to leave her baby at that age.
Post # 13
Ok, so I just read your post. They will be coming in from out of town which changes A LOT.
Assuming you do not allow them to bring their baby, who do you recommend watch the child?
If they do bring the baby, at least they do have a hotel nearby that they can leave if needed.
How are the others close to you handling the “no child” situation? Are they coming to the reception from out of town? What arrangements have they made?
Post # 14
The other thing is that it is very rare for a woman to have her baby on her “due” date. Almost everyone that I know that has had a baby (with one or two exceptions) has been at least one week late. I think you may want to look for a backup Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 16
I am also fully supportive of having adults only weddings. However, I found myself to be in the exact same situation as you- my sister in law found out two months after I set my date that she was pregnant (she just had the baby). Fast forward to today- our wedding is in July, and FI’s two cousins are due to give birth within the week of our date. My Maid/Matron of Honor also will have an 8 month old who is still nursing and since she is from Out of Town, she definitely does not feel comfortable leaving her baby with a strange babysitter.
I think you should consider being a little bit more understanding and flexible, particularly of your sister and friends who will have infants who will be mere weeks old at your wedding. A mom just cannot leave her newborn infant at home with a babysitter, and I think you would eventually regret not having your sister and friends there for parts of your wedding. There’s a big chance that the babies will sleep through the entire thing and you will never notice them- I just attended a wedding this weekend where there were FIVE infants and none of them made a peep during the ceremony or reception.
It may not be what you want, and trust me, it was hard for me to get over too, but I REALLY encourage you to make an exception for those with newborns.