Post # 1
Okay, I might just need to rant here, but I am in full-blown panic mode right now. Our wedding has always been very low-budget from the start. Fiance is a teacher and I am a veterinary technician, and living in San Diego, we barely make ends meet. We have to pay for our entire wedding ourselves, which we thought we could do. And honestly, we probably could have. Inexpensive photographer, florist and officiant, it’s on the beach with the reception on the beach right after. It’s on Camp Pendleton, and they have beach houses for rent, so we’re setting up big tents by the beach house we’re renting and just doing a bbq-style reception. However, things like dress, hair/makeup, food, alcohol all add up quickly. Here’s where it gets horribly stressful. We got all our save the dates done last week, and haven’t mailed them, but STUPIDLY delivered the ones to our co-workers. I just found out the day after I delivered them, that my wrist sprain that hasn’t healed for the last month is not in fact a sprain, but a torn ligament. I have to have surgery to repair the ligament and shorten one of the bones in my arm. I will be all healed by the wedding, but it’s going to cost ALOT. Between the copays for the MRI, the hospital stay and the surgery itself, thats half our wedding budget, gone. Not to mention the 4 weeks I’ll be out of work. And no, I don’t have temp disability insurance. We have been trying desperately to figure out how to make this work, and have trimmed down our photo pkg and our flowers. Our biggest problem is the guest list. There are waaay too many people on it. Almost all the guests will be from out of town, but even if half our guest list comes, that’s too many at this point. We need to go from about 100 to about 30. But we already delivered the save the dates to our co-workers. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. I know how incredibly rude it is to rescind an invitation/save the date, but our coworkers add up to 28 by themselves. OMG, this wedding isn’t supposed to be this stressful! help!
Post # 3
you poor thing, it is so stressful. it will be very hard to uninvite them, but anything is possible. have you told them about your wrist? you could say with all the costs you can no longer have the wedding, but then you should really have a small wedding. or maybe would it be cheaper to have a Destination Wedding to vegas where you can get packages, photgrapher, flowers, food all cheaper and that would naturally cut the guest list down? That way you arent uninviting people but moving locations?
Post # 4
I think you are just going have to be honest and tell people why the guest list has been cut down. It’s not like you’ve suddenly turned around and decided you don’t want these people at your wedding, you have a legitimate excuse!
I hope your surgery goes well. Hearing stories like yours, I’m glad in I live in the UK and our health service is totally free…
Post # 5
I think eloping is perfectly fine. Vegas has some cheap packages that wer elegant and not your typical Elvis kinds (although if this is what you want, you should go for it too).
If you are still bent on having a wedding, maybe you can do a pot luck to help with food costs? I know there are people out there with smaller weddings that do a pot luck wedding and it seems to work out beautifully. Plus I think it makes it extra special to have your guest take part in something for the wedding. Just a thought. 🙂
I hope you all your medical procedures go well. 🙂
Post # 6
This is exactly the situation that elopements are meant for! Go off somewhere quietly, the two of you, and get married. It really is incredibly romantic that way. Then you can just send people a note (or mention it to them)
“just so you know, you don’t have to save the date! Fiance and I just couldn’t wait any longer to be married and we ran away together! You’ll have to forgive me, I’m just crazy about him and couldn’t stand one more minute of not being married!”
Everyone will understand 🙂
Post # 7
Univiting people can hurt people’s feelings and make them feel like they didn’t “make the cut”. I mean, you can do it, but expect them to talk about it to your face or behind your back. If it were me, I’d tell my co-workers I’m cancelling the wedding due to some complications with logistics. Then, change the date, and slash the guest list. You’ll have more time to save money. The money you’ll “lose” from having to make new save the dates will be worth it in the long run. If you want to get married real bad then elope and have the wedding of your dreams later.
HubFi and I got engaged in Sept. 2010. We were hoping to marry in August 2011. Planning a wedding in our situation was too stressful and one thing after another kept making things impossible. I was about to lose my mind. In fact, I had numerous breakdowns where I snot face cried on FI’s shoulder “WE’RE NEVER GETTING MARRIED!WAHHH!” Seriously.
Instead, we secretly eloped via JOP in August. We’re having our wedding this December with our family and best friends in the Smoky Mountains (we live in Florida). It is a totally different wedding (in a good way). Eloping was the best decision ever for us. It has put everything into perspective and made us realize all the things we thought we HAD to do, and all the pressure, was stupid. Weddings are really about love and sharing it with the most important people in your life. We can do whatever we want, invite who we want, etc. etc.
We saved money, saved on rent by moving in together, and solved all the problems that were preventing us from throwing a wedding.
I am now a huge advocate for intimate weddings and can’t believe I ever wanted anything different!
Some examples of original wedding plans vs. our TRULY US Dec. wedding:
- We thought the venue was an estate in Florida..but then to save money we were settling for a tent in the home I grew up in. Now, we’re doing it in a log style lodge overlooking the MOST dreamy mountains ever
- 150-200 guests vs. 15-50 (firm). No coworkers, friends of friends, or people who aren’t super close to us.
- 1 day event vs. 6 days of spending quality time with everyone, and having both of our intermediate families bond with us under one roof. It’s like a reunion/vacation with all the people we love. We are also paying for groceries to feed 30 people for the week.
- BBQ style and DIY cold appetizers vs. private chef classically trained in French, Caribbean, and Latin cuisine doing hot apps., a full spread, and dessert.
- No rehearsal dinner vs. welcome/rehearsal dinner for all our guests
- Bridal party had 10 groomsmen AND 12 bridesmaids. We have slashed that to 0 and having all our guests wear yellow. All our guests are our bridal party. lol.
- DIY make-up/hair vs. hiring a professional, PLUS gifting my Mother-In-Law and my mom the choice beween getting their hair or make-up done too.
- Roadtrip to TN with fun stops on the way, plus 6 days there. Including accomodations, shopping, exploring, sight-seeing!
All these wonderful changes among others and we are still spending LESS money than we would if I had gone with the original plan.
Post # 8
@LuluInLove: Wow. That sounds AWESOME. And my fave was “Bridal party had 10 groomsmen AND 12 bridesmaids. We have slashed that to 0 and having all our guests wear yellow. All our guests are our bridal party. lol.” I mean, how fun is that going to be?? 🙂
Post # 9
@WillyNilly: Thanks! I know! Sometimes I worry my wedding colors are not very wedding like (teal, honey yellow, and red) but whatever. I am super excited to see the end result! 😀
Post # 10
I’m so sorry about you wrist and about all the stress you’re going through. Since you’ve only sent Save-The-Date Cards and not actual invites I’m sure everyone would understand the situation you’re now in. Good luck!
@TheMsMittens: Our health service isn’t free! What do you think we pay taxes for? £100 billion a year doesn’t grow on trees. But true, our employers would have to give us sick pay for the time off.
Post # 11
It’s gonna be bitchin’. I am now going to stalk your profile to see if you have posted any pics of DIY stuff. If you haven’t….do, stat!
Post # 12
@ladyartichoke: And Americans pay taxes too, and then have to pay for health insurance on top of that. So they get hit twice, and we only get hit once.
I’ve been treated twice on the NHS for cancer, I know what a good service it is, and it was worth every single penny I’ve paid in taxes over the last 26 years.
Post # 13
I reckon that unless you’re straight with them, you’ll have to field some pretty awkward questions about whether you’ve broken up. You’ll also have to never mention the wedding again. I’d find that too hard. I’d level with them: explain the mammouth bill, and say that the only way you can afford to get married at all is to limit the list to childhood/college friends and family – and even then, there’s people you can’t invite. In short, throw yourself on their mercy and see if you can throw a party for them or go out for drinks with them instead. But this is because I am rubbish at keeping anything secret. If you’re better than me at white lies, I’d go for the “we just couldn’t wait” option…
Post # 15
We have the same wedding date, maybe its something about the date! LOL
I really would like to elope & have a party for everyone after BUT MrN doesn’t want that, he wants his parents there & he’d like to have a party.
I wish he’d consider eloping, I suggested even a small party with immediate family & close friends (i.e. bridal party and a few others) but he said he’d rather wait a year & have the big wedding so we’re looking @ moving it from September 22nd 2012 to June 1 or June 15 2013.