Post # 1
This week has been a rough one wedding wise. I am normally a very calm, non stressed out person, but wedding planning is so stressful! I am trying so hard to be a cool, calm, collected Bride but I am finding it impossible. I am trying to please everyone but myself and at this point, I don’t even know what I want. I wanted a destination wedding. Now we are having a fancy wedding in Manhattan and I am finding the planning to be overwhelming. The number one problem is the guest list. My dad has been adding people to the list for a year. I try to put my foot down and say no, and it just doesn’t work. He takes advantage! And the worst part is, he isn’t paying for the wedding. FI’s family is. And I am so grateful for this, but it is embarrassing that my dad has double the amount of family and friends on the list, and he isn’t even paying! I guess I just need someone to tell me I am not alone, and that other people who are normally very calm, non stressed out people are feeling the pressure too. I think because I don’t want to be considered a “Bridezilla” I don’t complain to anyone (except my FI). And I feel like no one is helping or caring. I call my sister (MOH) to vent every once in a while, but I always feel like she thinks I am being silly, and weddings don’t matter… Sigh…. is it july yet? I just want it to be here already.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
I totally hear you – I would say that the guest list has directly and indirectly caused the most stress during the wedding planning over any other thing. I can only say this – things do always seem to get better. Despite the harder moments in this whole shenanigan called wedding planning, each day we are more excited and more apt to deal with things as they come along! Good luck
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re stressed!
I think if you took a poll, guest lists would be right up there with Future In-Laws as a major source of contention. You say that it doesn’t work when you put your foot down – what does that mean? Fact is, he’s not paying and, for better or for worse, that does mean that you and your Future In-Laws are within your rights to cut people from his list to control costs. Perhaps he doesn’t realize the kind of money associated with throwing a wedding in Manhattan?
Post # 5
Aww girl, don’t worry. You are NOT being a B-zilla. Guest list drama is a problem that so many of us have at one point. And I can imagine what you’re going through on this considering Fiance and I looked into doing a fancy NYC affair and we were like UM we could invite like three people if we did this so we went a different direction.
I think you may need to sit down with your Fiance (if you haven’t already) and decide on a concrete number that your side can invite. It should be pretty equally divided in an ideal world, but your dad should most definitely not get that many if he’s not paying. I think that’s a lot to ask of your FI’s parents if he is insisting on that. It sucks but you need to be strong and definitive with him and have your Fiance back you up if need be – Dad, you can invite X amount of people. Case closed. If he continues to argue then say something like any amount of people over X number you will have to pay for because it is not in the budget. He’ll probably choose to cut people rather than pay out of pocket for them.
Hang in there. I know it’s tough. I had the guest list back and forth going on with my mom for a while. Once it’s settled, it’s settled and you don’t look back, but it sucks getting to that point sometimes.
Post # 6
I totally understand! I’m getting married in July too and am trying to be calm about everything, but it can be pretty challenging sometimes… Like you, I just want July to be here and over with sometimes!
As for you dad, it is not his wedding. He may have suggestions, but it is ultimately up to you and your fiance. Be respectful and listen, but put together the final list without him around and stick to that list! Sometimes it is impractical to keep adding to your list. You can only invite so many people!
Post # 7
I know what you mean – it can get super-overwhelming to deal with family, especially on tough topics like the guest list. Try to separate yourself from everything for a few day whenever you feel overwhelmed. A break can do wonders.
About the guest list and other thorny issues, all you can do is get everyone’s perspective, and then make a decision with Fiance and any other people who matter (in this case, his parents, since they are paying). If you let your dad add every person he thinks of, he will just keep going. A simple, “FI’s family can afford to pay for # of people, and we are splitting it 3 ways, which gives you ## of guests.” can stop the deluge 🙂 He won’t be happy, but you have to draw the line somewhere – it’s not fair to your FI’s family to have so many extra guests from your side.
Post # 8
Thanks sooo much guys. It is nice to know I am not alone!
Kittyachi- Would you believe we sat down and made that list. Told my dad there was a concrete number of people. Then he sent me back a list with 15 extra people?! Since he was so concerned, to smooth things over we asked my Father-In-Law if it would be ok if he had those extra people. FI and I took people out of our list to make it work for him. Then we sent out STDs and I finally thought I was past it! And then my dad told me two days ago he needed another 6 people!
miss jarren – You are right! It is not his wedding. The problem is, he is engaged too. And isn’t planning on having a big wedding. That is why I think he is pushing for so many people I am starting to feel like I am being taken advantage of you know!
The 6 extra people are his fiance’s family. We orginially wanted 130 people. Our guest list is at 202. I mean really people.
Lucky for me, Fiance and dad have a great relationship. So Fiance called him last night and they figured some stuff out to get us all on the same page. Now hopefully my dad is realizing how stressful it is for us every time he insists on more people.
It’s also stressful because everyone has to give me their opinions. I am trying to remember that no one will be happy at the end of the day, so I have to make myself happy. It is just easier said than done…
All the little things add up and up and I just feel uncomfortable spending so much money that is not mine… Anyone else feel like this?
Oh and @Girlwitharing… I wish we were still at a place to say we are splitting the guest list 3 ways, but at this point, my family is having way more people than theirs. My family is big, and I have a lot of close family friends. FI’s family is smaller and they don’t really have a lot of family friends they kept in touch with. Makes for such an awkward situation.