(Closed) So stressed out… need words of encouragement

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I totally hear you – I would say that the guest list has directly and indirectly caused the most stress during the wedding planning over any other thing.  I can only say this – things do always seem to get better.  Despite the harder moments in this whole shenanigan called wedding planning, each day we are more excited and more apt to deal with things as they come along! Good luck

Post # 4
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m sorry you’re stressed!

I think if you took a poll, guest lists would be right up there with Future In-Laws as a major source of contention.  You say that it doesn’t work when you put your foot down – what does that mean?  Fact is, he’s not paying and, for better or for worse, that does mean that you and your Future In-Laws are within your rights to cut people from his list to control costs.  Perhaps he doesn’t realize the kind of money associated with throwing a wedding in Manhattan?

Post # 5
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Aww girl, don’t worry. You are NOT being a B-zilla. Guest list drama is a problem that so many of us have at one point. And I can imagine what you’re going through on this considering Fiance and I looked into doing a fancy NYC affair and we were like UM we could invite like three people if we did this so we went a different direction.

I think you may need to sit down with your Fiance (if you haven’t already) and decide on a concrete number that your side can invite. It should be pretty equally divided in an ideal world, but your dad should most definitely not get that many if he’s not paying. I think that’s a lot to ask of your FI’s parents if he is insisting on that. It sucks but you need to be strong and definitive with him and have your Fiance back you up if need be – Dad, you can invite X amount of people. Case closed. If he continues to argue then say something like any amount of people over X number you will have to pay for because it is not in the budget. He’ll probably choose to cut people rather than pay out of pocket for them.

Hang in there. I know it’s tough. I had the guest list back and forth going on with my mom for a while. Once it’s settled, it’s settled and you don’t look back, but it sucks getting to that point sometimes.

Post # 6
7 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

I totally understand! I’m getting married in July too and am trying to be calm about everything, but it can be pretty challenging sometimes… Like you, I just want July to be here and over with sometimes!

As for you dad, it is not his wedding. He may have suggestions, but it is ultimately up to you and your fiance. Be respectful and listen, but put together the final list without him around and stick to that list! Sometimes it is impractical to keep adding to your list. You can only invite so many people!

Post # 7
845 posts
Busy bee

I know what you mean – it can get super-overwhelming to deal with family, especially on tough topics like the guest list. Try to separate yourself from everything for a few day whenever you feel overwhelmed. A break can do wonders.

About the guest list and other thorny issues, all you can do is get everyone’s perspective, and then make a decision with Fiance and any other people who matter (in this case, his parents, since they are paying). If you let your dad add every person he thinks of, he will just keep going. A simple, “FI’s family can afford to pay for # of people, and we are splitting it 3 ways, which gives you ## of guests.” can stop the deluge 🙂 He won’t be happy, but you have to draw the line somewhere – it’s not fair to your FI’s family to have so many extra guests from your side. 

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