Post # 1
Hey Bees! I need some advice about this situation…
So my SO and I have been talking engagements for the past few months, and how he loves the idea of an ‘engagement watch’. He has a ton of great qualities and I love him very much, however one of the only negative ones is he can be quite a bit narcissistic (thanks to his helicopter mom). It’s not a problem 90% of the time, because I have no problem letting him know the universe does in fact revolve around the sun! Anyway, it just feels to me like he’s not comfortable making a grand gesture unless he gets something in return! The situation would have been totally different had I suggested the idea, but we were at the mall and he pulled me into a jewelry store, beelined to the Rolex display and pointed out “what he would want for an engagement watch”. I just laughed and joked it off “yeah yeah, okay.” But now I am really concerned! I don’t want to let the guy down if he is expecting an engagement watch but come on… women already get the short end of the stick in life and engagements??
What do you all think of the idea? Am I being a little looney about the whole thing? Or should I actually have a convo with him that I think the romantic grand gesture of a proposal from a man to a woman is kind of ruined if she also has bought him an engagement watch?
Post # 2
If my husband wanted a watch to signify our engagement, I would buy that for him. If it would make my husband happy, I would do it 100 times.
Post # 3
I got DH a Rolex as a wedding present (kind of an engagement watch too, but he got it a month before the wedding after we had been engaged a while). If he had been expecting it, it would have been offputting for me, or if he had been pushing for something so expensive (he actually has ended up paying for almost half of it himself). Can you afford to get him a Rolex? I think that’s where my main concern would be.
ETA I was also the one that told him I wanted to get the Rolex for him. He didn’t push the idea on me. I wanted him to have something very special from me that he could wear forever.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
I think it’s cute and much better than a “man-gagement ring,” especially if you can engrave it with something cute or special.
I also don’t see how women get the short end of the stick (except for having periods ..those suck haha). You two are in this relationship equally and I assume both want to be treated as such.
Post # 5
I mean will he be going 50/50 on everything?? Including the effort it takes to plan a wedding and all that and paying for it? Then I guess yeah, engagement watch. It is pushy to ask for a Rolex though IMO. I mean, do you have 10-20k sitting around for a watch?
Post # 6
I gave my husband a watch on our wedding day. If you don’t want to give him a watch for your engagement, could you suggest that you might like to do something like that? I think he just wants you to give him a watch. So unless he’s especially into this engagement watch idea, just tell him you won’t be getting him an engagement watch, but you’d be happy to buy him a watch for his birthday/christmas/wedding day. Whatever. If my guy wanted an engagement watch, I’d probably just get it for him. I like getting things, he likes getting things. We like to get each other things…and usually we’re both happier if we just specifically ask for exactly what it is we want.
Post # 7
I think it’s kind of weird that he seems to think that if you get a gift, he should have one too. Is he going to ask for a push present in the future as well?
Post # 8
I got my Fiance a small variety of nice daily-wearble items (wallet, cologne etc) tailored to his tastes as engagement gifts, and spent around what he spent on my ring. Exchanging thoughtful tokens of affection/commitment was extremely romantic and didn’t “ruin” diddly squat for either of us. I assume your dude is planning on dropping Rolex-level money on your ring; if you’re not comfortable with doing the same for him, speak now.
Post # 9
I surprised my Fiance with a trip to Japan as an engagement present. I knew, roughly, what he would be spending and wanted to do my part as well. No, he didn’t ask for anything, but I felt uncomfortable that he had to spend money to cement our relationship while I did not. He was so surprised and touched, and he loves telling people that I bought him an “engagement ring” of his own.
Why does it bother you so much? And how is it narcissistic that since he plans on dropping some money on you, he would like the same?
Post # 10
I think engagement gifts for the guy are awesome! Nice and egalitarian 🙂 I did get my fiance an engagement gift, and we had discussed it beforehand. However, it sounds like your issue is not with him wanting an engagement gift, but with the potentially unpleasant motivations behind it. If that’s the case, you should have a talk with him about it! E.g., does he think it’s a nice gesture for the man to get an engagement gift as well as the woman, or does he have a hard time with you getting something nice and not him?
Post # 11
I think you should sit down and have a conversation about expectations with the engagement process. That’s fine if he expects a gift, just as other PPs have said some men do, but if you don’t know of these expectations I could see how you could feel like he’s being little presumptuous.
This way, if there are any other expectations that either of you have, they’re all out in the open ahead of time.
Post # 12
I think if the woman is allowed to drag her boyfriend to the jeweler and point out which expensive diamond she wants for an engagement ring, a guy should be able to point out which expensive watch he wants. Personally, I find both scenarios equally annoying/entitled but I see no problem in the guy receiving an equal ‘gift’ for the engagement.
I also don’t understand the ‘women get the short end of the stick’ comment or how it would ‘ruin’ the proposal to gift your future husband with something that would make him really happy…
Post # 13
How do women get the short end of the stick in regards to engagements?
Anyway, I think it’s pretty silly to expect a fancy ring yet balk at the idea of your partner also wanting a symbol of your engagement.
Post # 14
I think it would be sweet to exchange engagement gifts! You get the fancy ring and he gets the fancy watch. I don’t see anything wrong with this unless he’s planning on spending $200 on your ring and wants you to spend $2000 on his watch.
Post # 15
As an engagement gift or wedding gift yes. As a ‘I’m giving you this, heres what you should give me’ I don’t think I would be into that.