(Closed) SO suggested engagement watch

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 19
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Is a Rolex in your budget? If not he needs a reality check. It would be lovely if you wanted to gift him a nice watch, but it’s not cool if he’s demanding an expensive gift you can’t afford. That would be just as off base as a woman demanding a ring her fiancé can’t afford. It’s interesting that you describe your SO as “narcissistic” based on the anecdote about the Rolex, I might think he was a bit entitled or materialistic, but narcissistic wouldn’t come to mind…are there other behaviors that are troubling you? Regardless, it sounds like you are feeling a bit resentful. It might be a good idea for the two of you to sit down and have a heart to heart. 

Post # 21
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

talula23:  ok. Just read your update- personally I couldn’t deal with a relationship where my partner was always keeping score. 

Post # 23
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee

I would get Fiance an engagement ring if he wanted one because that would be an outward symbol of our commitment, as is the purpose of an engagement ring. Watch? Not so much. I didn’t get to “pick” my “expensive engagement present”–I don’t see an engagement ring as a gift per se, I see it as a symbol. If I got to pick a several thousand dollar gift, a ring would be pretty low on my list 🙂 FWIW, I also was not involved in selecting my engagement ring. 

Post # 24
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee

I bought my Darling Husband a gaming system as an engagement present. I feel an engagement present for a man is a nice gesture, since they have to buy the ring. However it was my idea, I just let him choose which he wanted. 

Post # 26
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

talula23:  Edited for the updates. I could never stand someone constantly keeping tags on who got what, or who paid for what. I could never marry someone like that 🙁

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  anonybeez2011.
Post # 29
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This all sounds disasterous…

He nickel and dimes you to make sure everything (down to a cup of coffee??) is split 50/50. He feels entitled to a Rolex watch if he must buy you an engagement ring. Yet, you find all talks of finance and budgets to be awkward? If you can’t talk about money now, good freakin luck being married!

How did we have that conversation? We first talked about getting engaged, we discussed both our financial situations (though we already knew our salaries, bank account,s and expenses before then), and then discussed expectations as far as ring, wedding expenses, and future living situation (we didn’t live together prior). I expressed my expectations/concerns regarding the ring (my priorities were saving for a house/future and preferred a less expensive ring) and he expressed what he felt was a reasonable amount he could afford. If that’s too awkward to talk about with your future LIFE PARTNER, I don’t know what to tell you..

 

Post # 30
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My first response would be that honestly the “tradition” of an engagement ring really can put a large unbalanced monetary burden on the one asking (in this case your FI). In the current day and age where a lot of men and women both work, it seems outdated for a man to have to spend a crap ton of money on an engagement ring as a “sign of his love and commitment” for your future with the woman not giving anything in return. I am more of a minimalist when it comes to most things, so we spent way less than we could have on a ring so we could have money available for a kitchen remodel that benefits both of us for as long as we live in this house. However, I did not get my Darling Husband and engagement present, I did get him a wedding present and he did not get me one, so I guess if we were keeping track its even? 

However, I do see an issue with your Fiance requesting a Rolex “to keep things even,” and becasue some Rolex’s cost more than our entire wedding did! That being said, I have no idea what your ring budget is, or what your salary is, so a Rolex could totally be in budget. I also think it’s kinda weird that everythign up to this point has been 50/50. That kind of stuff gets old quick. Is that how it’s going to be when you are married? Are you ok with that? Darling Husband makes more $ than I do, and I am well aware that he does most of the heavy monetary lifting, and that worsk for us. I still will “treat” him to dinner or a movie  or a gift sometimes, since we have some shared $ and some not. I think you need to have a serious talk with your man, about the Rolex and about money handling expectations for your relationship in general. 

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