(Closed) SO suggested engagement watch

posted 6 years ago in Engagement
Post # 46
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t see anything wrong with it. It’s his engagement too and an exciting time for him.

Post # 47
Member
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

When DH and I first started dating he made considerably more than I did (almost double), so he paid for things (I’d treat him here or there, but not a lot because I couldn’t afford it).  Two and a half years later we now make about the same, and he still treats me quite often, but I’m also in a position to treat him when we go out as opposed to using our joint account (we share household expenses 40/60 in a joint account and keep seperate accounts for our individual stuff).  Women (in my opinion) should be financially stable on their own, but call me old fashioned, I agree with @doberman, I still want a man who *wants* to treat me.  Hell, even though we make about the same amount now, DH will check in with me every so often and make sure I’m “good on money” lol.

Post # 48
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I was relieved to read that he wanted the watch and he wasn’t suggesting it for you instead of a ring!  LOL

Is he going to expect a wedding gift too?  I would maybe plan a weekend getaway for your engagement and get him the watch for a wedding gift. 

Post # 49
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

this is too funny. My Fiance has actually always said he would prefer a wedding watch to a wedding band. Of course I am going to have him wear a band but I want to get him a nice watch too. I’ll have to let him know he’s not the only one!! 

Post # 50
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Your story resonates with me – Fiance and I started dating in medical school and we were both broke so we always split everything 50/50. Even grocery shopping, I pay for half and he pays for half. It has never particularly bothered me, especially since we make roughly the same amount now in residency. We plan on combining everything into one pot after we get married in a couple months and I cant wait to stop putting two credit cards down for a $40 bar tab! The difference is that when it came to my engagement ring though he happily shelled out $15K. (The feminist in me offered to split the cost of that 50/50 too but he wasn’t having it) As a compromise, I did buy him an engagement watch, but it was not a Rolex! Just a Shinola that he loves very much. While I think it’s nice that he has a lifelong memory of an engagement present as well, we don’t associate the same value or sentimentality to it like my engagement ring. So it’s never felt like I had to buy him a watch of equal value as my ring. I personally think you should sit down with your bf and discuss joint expectations about money – how will you pay bills after you get married? What if you take time off to raise kids? marriage is a lot harder to split 50/50 and I hope he doesn’t expect that if you’re not board.

Post # 51
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

My Fiance and I split things 50/50, but he went out and bought an engagement ring without my input, and actually spent a lot more than I thought he would! He joked that he needed a ‘return’ on his investment and to be honest, it’s only fair he got a ring too! 

He even got his own proposal 😉

If women get something sparkly to celebrate the engagement and act as a symbol of your desire to marry, why can’t he have the same?

The only issue I have with this scenario is that he went straight to the most expensive watch. Can you even afford it? Is he even planning on spending the equivalent on a ring?  I don’t see an issue in the equality of engagement gifts, but it would be pretty crappy of him to expect such an expensive gift when he knows he won’t spend the same on you.

Post # 52
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I got Fiance an engagement symbol so I can see his point, but pushing for a Rolex is a bit much. (I think the same of a woman pushing for a designer ring if her partner can’t afford it.) 

But it sounds like he’s a bit hung up on getting what he’s giving, and I guess that part would bother me. Keeping tabs of giving is not a good sign for a spouse.

but giving a watch to the man you love to symbolize your engagement because he wants it? Totally.

 

Post # 53
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t see an issue with him wanting a watch. But like the other PPs I think that him half way demanding a Rolex is a little ridiculous.

I think an engagement gift for your man is a wonderful idea, but he seems to only want it, because he wants something in return for buying your ring. That’s not ok, to me. I think an engagement gift to him should be given freely, because you want to. Not because he wants a payback for buying a ring.

Also, unless it’s well within your means, requesting a Rolex is a little bit crazy to me. Imagine if you walked straight into Tiffany, or Cartier or something like that and demanded that was the one you wanted, and you didnt want to get anything else?  

Post # 56
Member
2340 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
talula23:  as a side bar, he should consider the practicality of getting a Rolex as a newly graduated PA. Is he going to feel comfortable wearing it to work everyday? If not, would he want to spend that much on a watch that he can’t wear regularly? I don’t know what kind of clinical environment he is going to be working in, but as a young person starting in his career people can draw conclusions about your personal finances if you wear overly ostentatious jewelry to work. (Not saying this is fair, just reality) From a political perspective, he should make note of the types of watches his supervising physicians and peers wear and it might be in his best interest professionally to not out-do them. I know this sounds incredibly petty but I work with physicians on a daily basis and a lot of them would side-eye a young PA with a Rolex. 

Post # 57
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee

My sister’s husband insisted on an engagement gift — it was a very expensive suit (although it definitely didn’t cost as much as a rolex). He’s continued to be selfish and to live off of her for the last 14 years. 

 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by alamana.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by alamana.
Post # 58
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
talula23:  I bought my Fiance a Rolex as an engagement watch. It was a complete surprise and he literally teared up and was overwhelmed. There’s very few things I’d trade that memory for. Even though your BF brought it up first, I bet he’d still be really surprised.

Rolexes are $$$ though, so I can see how it’s a little weird he flat out asked you for it. But then again, women expect to get rings: it doesn’t need to be said for the most part. Guys don’t have that luxury. If you can afford it, I say go for it! Just curious, which Rolex did he want? Some are so expensive, it’s unreasonable of him to expect one as a gift, though I don’t know your income situation. I do think it’s weird everything has to be 50/50 though. Maybe tell him you wish he would have let you come up with the idea for an engagement gift on your own?

 

Post # 59
Member
2722 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
WestCoastV:  agree. My boyfriend was told during his residency to never dress better or drive a more expensive car than his superiors. I asked him about this and he said he would definitely side eye a brand new PA wearing a Rolex.

Post # 60
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

I was the one who told my Fiance I’d like to get him an engagement gift. He’s a total watch nerd, and has always wanted a Rolex. We’re waiting on my ring to be finished, and, when it is, his Rolex is on the way. His watch will cost about $2,000 more than my ring because we are getting an heirloom diamond from a family member.

I think if it is something your Fiance wants, you should absolutely look into it. For us, it pushed our timeline for getting our items back a bit because we needed to save for both the ring and the watch. We have considered ourselves engaged without the ring/watch since we mutually made the decision to be wed. We were both fine with that and we both felt cherished by our partner’s choice to have something beautiful to symbolize our impending nuptials. Because we are both mature adults, neither of us “dragged” one another anywhere: We simply had a discussion about what we wanted and went from there. We set a budget for both items, saved together, and are excited to have those items to wear forever.

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