Post # 1
I need some advice, bees!
DH and I are dying to start TTC, but we’re holding off because I’m in my last year of a doctoral program and I graduate in June. I’m at my internship until the end of August. I have been planning on applying for another specialization internship that would go from Sept’11-Aug 12. As I’ve explained on other boards, they are super competitive and I may not get one, in which case I’d just continue on with my career, and have a baby sooner than later. I’ll know if I got one in Feb. If I get one, the plan is to not start TTC til this time next year.
The problem is that we’re both really anxious to start TTC. We have a house, have enough money saved, we want 3-4 kids, and we’re not getting any younger. (I’m 28 and he’s 33). I’m pretty sure I’m ovulating right now and we’re SO tempted to just try. We figured out that if we got pregnant on the first try right now, I’d be due in about July/August, so would just finish out my last year pregnant, and probably not appy to internship. Basically, it would throw all my plans out of whack. So why do I want it so badly???
It’s SO frustrating being a woman, trying to have a family, and have a sucessful career. I HATE that these are the choices we have to make! Can anyone relate, commiserate, or offer advice?!
Post # 3
i’m right there with you!!!!!!! we were going to start TTC immediately after the wedding in June. Technically we didn’t SAY we were and had decided to wait a bit due to finances – as we are trying to pay down some debt.
truth is – though – we haven’t been trying not to get pregnant since march. I quit BC in march and we don’t use any type of anything.
so i guess you could say while we’ve not been trying since march, we’ve done nothing to stop it from happening. but – that being said, i’m still not pregnant. 🙁
we are more in the “if it happens, it happens” boat. i’m not charting anything or figuring out when it’s best to try or anything like that. it does suck, though, to have that little twinge of disappointment every month (including today, tmi, lol) when I realize – nope, not this month!
he is 37 and i am 31. we really want to have one sometime next year.
it’s really hard when you know that you SHOULD wait and be responsible – but if you have the means to do it, then just be smart about it!
and while a lot of women DO get pregnant their first try – others (such as myself) aren’t that lucky. i wish getting pregnant was as easy as it sounds – but even if you do stop trying to not get pregnant – there’s no guarantee it’ll happen immediately anyways. 🙂
all i can say is GOOD LUCK!!!!!
Post # 4
I graduated from a doctoral program in ’09 and am almost 25 weeks pregnant. I finally found the perfect job for me and was so happy with work, etc…and SURPRISE we found out we were expecting (unexpectedly:). I was still a little disappointed because I have to take some time off of work and would probably only like to go back part-time but at least I have been working for a little over a year now. I think you are in a pretty tough spot. You just have to think about what takes priority. You can put both things off for a little while, but it may be easier to put off your internship thing until after baby.
If you don’t mind me asking, what field are you in? Do you guys plan on having more than one child and how close together? There’s lots of things that you know better than us bees that definitely affect your decision! Sorry if I wasn’t helpful at all! Good luck with everything! It will all work out in the end!
Post # 5
I’ll commiserate but I don’t have any advice.
My husband and I were going back and forth on whether or not to try since I was going to be starting a new job. Looking at it we finally decided there is no good time to try so why not just see how things go and that we have every right to have a family and are financially secure. Well, yay, we get pregnant the first try, I start my new job and all I can think about is how am I ever going to make this work once the baby comes. They seem to like me so I’m hoping they beome for flexible because right now the hours they expect are just weird. They’re very late night people and somehow think their employees should get on their schedule, which is so not happening but I’m still staying way later than I normally would, just not until midnight (or beyond for them).
It would be ideal to first find a family friendly employer or become self employed before TTC but you can’t wait forever. But it is making me frustrated about how far we have to go to making quality work and family life both reasonable goals while still getting 8 hours of sleep, and right now in the first trimester people are getting evil stares when I don’t get 8 hours of sleep, which is happening too frequently.
Post # 6
I am having the same doubts and I am 33.
You are still in your 20-ties and have some time to wait for a couple of years. If you think you can wait that long wait and work on your career, if you want to have kids right away and love them, you can manage both – the career and the kids in the same time.
Post # 7
We are getting married in 2 months. Originally we had planned to wait to be married for 2 years before we started trying for multiple reasons, but one of them being where I was at in my career. Then a few months ago I was contacted by a head hunter and switched companies for a promotion. I am now a VP and I started thinking that maybe it makes more sense to do it now at the beginning of this big role then to do it when I am in deeper and perhaps seeking another promotion. After discussion with a mentor, essentially the only other successful female in the male dominated industry I work in that I know and is at my level, she said to do it now. That I’m young and no one would promote me at 30 any higher than I am. So we decided to start right after the wedding.
Post # 8
I get the temptation. Our plan was to start TTC after Christmas 2011. That back up to our one year anniversary (July 2011), then this coming spring, then THIS Christmas, and then we ended up just pulling the goalie right after the wedding…
Post # 9
Thanks for the comments, ladies. It’s good to know I’m not alone. I’m sure I’d get a lot more responses on this topic if I framed it as a career v. family vent, but I don’t really want to go that direction/start controversies – I just want to whine about it!
@JuneBride- FYI, my friend did what you’re doing for an entire year and didn’t get pregnant. She bought a OPK and they got pregnant the first month. Turns out sometimes you really do need to “try” to get pregnant as opposed to just not trying not to!
@dchokiebride3- my field is clinical psychology. I actually can’t put the internship off because it has to be during my pre-doc training. If I don’t do it, I just don’t have it. I still have enough pre-doc training hours to get licensed in my own state, but in other states the requirements may be different and I may, for example, need that accredited internship. It’s another reason why I want one, bc I’m just not entire sure what the future holds/where we’ll be!
DH and I talked about it a lot yesterday but we didn’t come up with any decisions except not this month. I think I’m just going to go thru the application process and see where it takes me. I just hate being in this kind of situation, but I guess we all are in our own ways!
Post # 10
Post # 11
@JuneBride.. Ovulation Predictor Kit… I know a lot of people on here swear by charting, but my friends have had good luck with those..
Post # 12
@monalisa670: thanks! i will have to talk that over with the hubby. :p again – we’re more “not trying to not get pregnant!” lol
Post # 13
@ junebride…Sure! Well, maybe you might want to just try not to miss your one open window to pregnancy a month..but not officially try or anything…..heh… 😉
Post # 14
Everyone I have ever talked to says you are never really truly ready! Just do it when it feels the most right! I’m about to finish up my masters, I’ll graduate about 2 months after the wedding, and because I’m going in to parent education, a lot of jobs actually WANT you to be a mother…even though I know legally they cannot discriminate based on that or not…but it’s “strongly preferred”.
Even though I know we’re not in the most ideal financial situation to have a baby (I’m working less because of school and will have a small amount of loans to pay off when I’m done), it seems like a convienent time. Except for the fact that we will be newlyweds, and I’ve always wanted to just be with my husband for a year or two before babies, I’m dying to get pregnant, and my current job (nanny) would allow me to bring the baby to work with me! What could be better?!?