(Closed) So the truth is he doesn’t want to get married, but he will to make me happy

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Amanda, I am just wondering what ended up happening with this situation?

Post # 63
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This is exactly my situation in reverse. I honestly see no point in marriage these days and am only doing so for my SO, who really wants to. I even suggested just wearing rings to show we’re commtited to each other. He’s excited about the wedding next month, but tries not to show it in front of me, which is a bit sad. I can honestly say there’s nothing about I’m looking forward to, but at least he’ll be happy. Looking forward to going to Milan for our honeymoon though ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 64
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

^ THat is pretty sad that you are feeling that way.  Wow just to go through a ceremony to go on a honeymoon. 

That is all I can say.

Post # 65
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@KatyElle:  +1

It sounds a lot like he wants all the benefits of being married without any of the legal commitment.

He has always told me that men do not get excited about getting married and he’s just like every other man out there, just doing it because the woman wants to.

Lol that is a load of crap. My Fiance was practically jumping out of his skin to propose to me. He tells me all the time that he can’t wait until I’m his wife and that he can’t wait for us to start our life together as a unit.

If my Fiance wasn’t excited about getting married, I wouldn’t be engaged right now. I’m only 21 and wasn’t expecting a proposal for at least another year at the time that he asked me.

ETA: Didn’t realize this post was from so many months back… but what I said still applies!

Post # 65
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I need help ASAP so my boyfriend future husband is just like the girls boyfriend that only wanted to marry her to make her happy. We’ve been living together for almost 2 years and at first he would always say that he would never get married. But like most girls I thought that once we put in time it would change his mind so I stayed with him. a few months after we moved in we started calling our selves husband and wife on Christmas 2013 I gave a ring and as soon as he saw it he said Im not marrying you. It hurt so bad it felt like someone stabbed me but he put the ring on and I got over it. On the month of feb he gave me a ring also because he said we were practically married. In May 2014 I told him we should get married and he said yea we should and he looked excited he told his parents that same day. But when I talked about the day he said well get married in a year so you have time to plan a wedding so I got even more excited. then when I would talk to him bout what I was planning he would get mad and say that I still had along time for the wedding and that I shouldnt be planning anything yet. Around July we got in a big huge argument because I got emotional of that fact that when ever i talked about the wedding he would get mad and tell me to not plan nun so he told me that just because he doesn’t look excited doesnt mean his not that he is excited to get married. He always says things like that his gonna spend the rest of his life with me and I’m never gonna leave him he says things will change once we get married. So so far it sounds great his excited im excited. But I asked him if he wasn’t a to actually get married because he doesnt let me set a date and he said no that he told himself that he was never going to get married the only reason why his marrying me is to make me happy and so that I dont bitch to him about when we’re going to get married. at first we were planning a big wedding but we decided we would have a small wedding to save money and so the wedding would be sooner. But again when I ask him when are we going to get married he just say soon babe. Today I asked him again if he really wants to get married or if his scared of commitment nd he said his not scared but he doesn’t want to get married that his only going to do it to make me happy. And to save himself an argument. Idk if I should marry him I love him very much his everything to me his the closest person to me since I dont have allot of family close his my best friend his my everything but like I told him when I get married I want to marry someone that wants to marry me because they love me not just to make me happy. to everyone we know where married and we always wear our rings but I want a ceremony and make it official that’s my dream to get married and start a family but I feel like that’s not what he wants. Idk what to do help!!!!! 

  • This reply was modified 7 years ago by thisgirl13.
Post # 66
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Rio Bravo Country Club

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thisgirl13:  Well I for one can tell you that my fiance is just as excited about getting married if not more then I am.  He is helping me pick out colors and decorations, he is helping with the decor of the wedding the planning and the whole nine yards…

I dont for a minute buy the BS that guys only do it “to make the girl happy” if they really didnt want to get married they would simply say NO!  My brother is a classic example.. he has been with his Girlfriend for 5 years every time the M word comes up he says NO!!  Plain and simple no hiding behind anything no beating around bushes simply NO!  He will never get married and thats that. So if your guy really didnt want to get married he would tell you NO…

You have only been together for 2 years or so, maybe give it a little more time and ease off the wedding planning a bit since you havent sent a date, maybe once you ease off a bit it will encourage him to want to set a date… I was with my first husband for 6 years before we finally got married… I tbhought it was never going to happen either… but everything happens for a reason and in DUE TIME… sometimes you just have to let things run their course…

Just know that you guys are committed and you wear your rings proudly and when the day finally arrives that yall are ready to set that date then set it for the next day and go elope!!! j/k

Things always have a way of working out, so just let it run its course and things may work in your favor sooner then you think… he loves you and you love him… just be in love for a while ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 67
Member
5 posts
Newbee

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SJONES2014:  ok thank you for your help I was just confused I mean we said we would get married soon and I already told him we don’t have to if he doesn’t want to and all he says is yu know we are getting married. every time I tell him we shouldn’t get married cuz he doesn’t want to he just says your stupid yu know it is gonna happen. Again thank you for your advice it really helped

Post # 68
Member
5 posts
Newbee

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SJONES2014:  ok thank you for your help I was just confused I mean we said we would get married soon and I already told him we don’t have to if he doesn’t want to and all he says is yu know we are getting married. every time I tell him we shouldn’t get married cuz he doesn’t want to he just says your stupid yu know it is gonna happen. Again thank you for your advice it really helped

Post # 69
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Rio Bravo Country Club

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thisgirl13:  You are welcome!!  You know my aunt and uncle were together for years… not married but lived together and did everything as a married couple (joint bank accounts, bought house together, cars together) I mean everything together, he never wanted to get married… she kept bugging him to get married and years later he finally gave into marrying her… well let me tell you less then 2 years later they got divorced….

there is a saying… “If it’s not broken, Don”t fix it”

They were together happy as can be for over a decade and once they got married everything went downhill they fought every day they grew to hate each other, my aunt has since found someone else to marry and let me tell you she never once pressured him or asked him about geting married for fear that the same thing would happen… they have been married 15 years now!!! They got married a little over 2 years after they got together… so what I am saying is “when the time is right, yall will know”

You are welcome for any advice I give… I just wouldnt want to see things end because of one person rushing to get married when things are going good how they are… I know we all dream of getting married one day… but as a divorcee I can tell you first hand.. going through divorce is no walk in the park!  It took me 3 years for my divorce to be final… and it was not a fun 3 years… so just take it day by day and when he is ready it will be magical for you both!!!

 

Post # 71
Member
25 posts
Newbee

When I got married I didn’t so escited but that don’t means that I didn’t love her, But I want to spend my life with her but I am not a men of ceremonies and all that :|. I like the idea of marriage but only for the legal stuffs xD. I am not religious person. And I think that my wife was thinking similar to me, in the end, we only married by the civil not by religious, we only did a little dinner with some family and some friends, and our rings are tatoos xD. We are living togeter for almos 2 years and we will have a baby in some days ๐Ÿ™‚

If you love him and he love him you can do everything, Sometimes I do some things that I don’t like at all for my wife, because I love him.

Post # 72
Hostess
45 posts
Newbee

nice story ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 73
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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BelliniChic:  i appreciate what you said about it being a compliment when a man tells you that he is marrying you to make you happy. My fiance just recently told me that he already claims me as his wife but asked bc he thought that is what i wanted. I have been really hurt by this comment but what you said helps me see it in a whole different light! He loves me enough and just wants me to be happy even if that means that he has to step out of his comfort zone.

Post # 74
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

I haven’t read through all the posts but what’s wrong with a man marrying JUST to make his girlfriend happy?  Men are hard wired to want his woman to be happy.  Not loving a woman enough to want to put her needs first is a different story.

I had an ex who was opposed to marriage and his needs in every area was always a priority.  I would have been over the moon if for once he valued my wants/needs and considered marriage just for my happiness.  

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