(Closed) SO thinks I'm ungrateful for wanting a moissanite

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

 My SO felt the same way at first. I think you are going about this the wrong way. You need to be expressing what makes Moissy different and special not what makes it similar to a diamond.

If he feels that you prefer the moissy because it has more fire and sparkle, or because of ethical concerns. He would probably be much more likely to buy it.

 ETA: Moissanite is a beautiful gemstone on it’s own, you don’t need to sell a moissanite by saying how much like a diamond it is. I’m sure if you wanted a ruby engagement ring your whole life, he would probably consider getting you a ruby engagement ring. You need to phrase your wants in a way which shows that this is what you want, not what you will settle for.

Post # 4
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think you can… a diamond is a diamond. And if his thoughts are on a REAL diamond, then no matter what a Moissanite looks like…. it’s not “real”.

Post # 5
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you don’t want a diamond tell him plain and simple. If you do but want something that passes  fir a bigger one it may be harder to explain to his ego. 

I told my Fiance I didn’t want a diamond. I wanted the sparkly science stone that came from space because it was special to me and our relationship. A diamond just because is just a sparkly squashed bit of coal. A diamond with meaning is fine don’t get me wrong but “because you’re supposed to” is a lame thoughtless way to buy something as special as an engagement ring. 

Think about what you want, what represents you and your relationship whatever that may be. No man I’d ever want to marry would have a problem with the ring representing his lady love truly rather than buying what magazines said you have to like!

Post # 6
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Let him give you want is important to him and buy yourself a big mois for your right hand sometime.  Maybe?

Post # 7
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

ITA w/ Stoppy321.

Part of the problem is that you are trying to sell moissanite as a diamond. It’s not a diamond. It’s a completely separate gemstone.

Probably what’s going on is that when you say you want a bigger stone that is a “fake diamond”, he’s hearing this: “I really want a big stone to impress other people and I’m willing to sacrifice a real diamond in order to get it. I really don’t think of this ring as a representation of our relationship or how you feel about me; I think of it as some sort of status symbol to show off.”

I’m not really sure what you should do. I guess that you should consider that an e-ring is not something that your Fiance goes out and “fetches” for you. At the same time, yes, your taste matters. So perhaps a compromise for you both is to look at real diamonds as your Fiance would like to give you and ask jewelers about designs that can make the stone look larger and flashier. Halos often provide that effect–your center stone can be fairly modest in ct. size, but bein gsurrounded by the smaller diamonds will make it look huge. I’ve also had a friend who opted to have the halo diamonds done in moissanite/CZ. She and her husband have then replaced the tiny ones, year by year, one by one, on each anniversary. Kinda a nice idea 🙂

Post # 8
Member
732 posts
Busy bee

I can kind of see where he’s coming from and how it might seem hurtful, but I do understand your side as well. Most people aren’t used to the idea of Moissanite, so maybe if you give him a little time he will come around to it.

Post # 10
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Lillianna:  I’m guessing if you want a moissanite simply to pass it off as a diamond that he wouldn’t be able to afford his ego is getting bruised that you’re not proud to accept the diamond he would be able to afford, which then follows that you don’t think he makes enough money, isnt providing for you well enough/isn’t successful enough which are definitely hurtful things. 

I have a diamond but am all for alternative stones if people come clean about it when asked and are just comfortable with a stone that suits their financial priories, or ethics or taste. 

Post # 11
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Lillianna:  Have you seen a moissanite before? It is similar to diamond in the sense that it’s a clearish stone that reflects rainbows but it’s not exactly like a diamond. It’s a warmer different color and has a different cut. Some people are fans, and some people are not. Some people won’t be able to tell the difference and some people will. I suggest you see it in person before suggesting to your Fiance that he should get it just to make sure it is the stone for you.

Post # 12
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Lillianna:  Honestly, I can see why he is hurt. I think that would make me upset too if I was in his position. Think about it this way, he is buying you this beautiful ring, and then you are going to lie to everyone about it because you are not happy with what the ring actually is.

Now, I think you should be able to pass it off as whatever you want, although it’s not something I would choose, But can you see how that would hurt him?

Also, wanting a diamond over a moissy is not an “of course” thing. I know you probably didn’t mean it like that but it came off that way.

Could you encourage him to order a loose stone online, that way he and you could become more comfortable with the idea? I just got my moissy two days ago, and I can honestly tell you it far exceeded my expectations. It is so much more sparkly than a diamond. You and he may find that you prefer it to one.

Post # 13
Member
6535 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know I don’t have a popular opinion as moissys are popular on the boards, but I’m with your Fiance. While I think the moissanite’s look lovely, I just can’t get on board with them. To me it’s no different than carrying a fake LV bag around and telling people it’s real. For *a lot* of people, having the bag is only about showing it off. The argument for a lot is that they don’t agree with diamonds – well then why buy something that looks like one? Your Fiance probably feel like (and by your own admission) you just want to show off a big rock and he would feel bad buying you a “fake” diamond.

I don’t hide the fact that I would have been disappointed had my fiancee gotten me a smaller ring. I made a lot of sacrifices for his job (moving, holding off on getting engaged/married, etc) and we’d been together 11 years when we got engaged and he had a lot of time to save. 😉

If you want a larger ring, have you considered paying the difference?

Post # 16
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Lillianna:  I’m trying really hard to think of a congruent example, and am having a tough time. I don’t know if you’re at all into cooking or throwing dinner parties or whatever but this is the best I can come up with. So, say your SO has an important dinner coming up with his boss who’s super traditional and thinks a proper employee to promote is one who has a wife at home that handles their social business. So he decides to hire a caterer but wants you to serve it and pass it off as your own cooking. Would you not feel like he felt your best effort wasn’t good enough, and be hurt about that?

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