(Closed) SO thinks I'm ungrateful for wanting a moissanite

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 137
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@Lillianna:  I’m really starting to wonder if the bigger problem here is your dishonesty.  After reading some of the PP’s pointing out things you’ve said in other thread’s plus this statement from you here in this thread

Actually it wouldn’t bother me. If I wasn’t a good cook I’d be happy to create the illusion that I was, in order to make a good impression on others. I often buy pies from this great little bakery in the next town, put them on a different plate and take them to parties, and happily accept compliments from others about how fantastic my cooking is. I have no intention of admitting I didn’t bake those pies”

I’m starting to think it’s common for you to try to give other’s the impression that you’re something you’re not.  That’s dishonest and fake.  I don’t like those qualities in other people and it wouldn’t surprise me if your Fiance doesn’t like those qualities either.  To me, your attitude towards life, yourself, and what other people think of you, combined with your dishonesty and desire for false appearances is the real problem here, not weather your Fiance wants you to have a diamond ring or a moissy ring.

Post # 139
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Motor Yacht Destiny

In my opinion, I think that while, like everyone else, the OP’s SO has a right to be upset, he should also look at the situation from a different angle. First of all, the OP by no means has to LOVE whatever she gets JUST because it’s a marriage proposal from the man that she loves.  I love my fiance very much, and yet I worked very hard with him designing my engagement ring because I am very picky, have short chubby fingers, and like only a certain cut, size, and shape of ring and stone (for myself, of course).  He knew very well what I wanted and actually had the ring custom made to my specs. He also had some very fun ideas and we incorportated them into the ring as well, so it is a very unique representation of pretty much exactly what both my fiance and I wanted for me to receive.  Secondly, I think that the OP’s SO should consider that he’ll save money as well, since a moissanite ring would be about half the price of a diamond ring (given the dimensions the OP mentioned), and why is saving money bad? Because it’s a stab at his pride? No, it’s not.  Why would he suspect the woman he loves of taking a stab at his pride? How offensive to HER is that?!  In addition, I think that telling your man that you want a bigger blingier ring is not being materialistic or a show off, it’s telling your man that you want a bigger blingier ring, with no ill intentions or undertones.  Why can’t I have something that I’ll like to wear, something that will look good on my hand, and something that’ll make me happy, just because my SO insists on getting me something stereotypically more socially acceptable? Lastly, if the OP wants to pass the moissanite off as a diamond, then that is her choice and no one has the right to judge that. In my opinion, nothing is “fake” if the meaning behind it isn’t. 

Post # 140
Member
15145 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

holy moly, this thread went nuts!  anyways… OP, you do sound pretty ungrateful.  You want a diamond, but you want a big one that your bf can’t afford.  so now you tell him to get you something that just looks like it instead.  that’s gotta hurt the guy.  I agree with maybe looking into a halo. My SIL has a half ct halo and it looks very substantial on the finger.. I believe it was only about 2k too.

Post # 141
Member
732 posts
Busy bee

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@AllTheGoodUsernamesAreTaken:  Hmmm… that’s an interesting find. I was starting to feel a little bad for OP because I felt like she was majorly getting dumped on for posting this thread, but now I feel differently…..

Post # 142
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@CorgiTales:  “You question why it is NOT okay for a woman to want a “big rock” whereas it IS okay for a man to be concerned about passing off a non-diamond as a diamond.”

I actually didn’t question whether or not it’s ok for a woman to want a big rock? I simply pointed out that often it is the women who are accused of being petty, and never the men. Which I stand by.

Post # 143
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’ve read this thread through in its entirety and I have to say I really see where everyone is coming from with their varied opinions.

OP, to be honest, you made a big mistake telling your boyfriend that you wanted a moissanite because you could get more bang for your buck. He responded poorly to that and, as it appears from this thread, there really is no going back now that you’ve said that. If you have your heart set on this moissanite above all else then I would seriously suggest YOU getting on board with moissanite yourself, as in, learn the history, see the beauty of the actual stone itself (not comparing it to a diamond, just comparing it to itself) and learn to love what a moissanite has to offer in its own right and not as a comparison to a diamond. If you had approached – or can perhaps approach your boyfriend in the future – from the angle of being head over heels for a moissy *because you LOVE the stone itself* then you just might get it. The same way that if you approached your boyfriend saying that you wanted a sapphire because sapphires are amzing because of X, Y, Z then his response would’ve most likely been very different. As many posters have stated before me your boyfriend is upset by the idea that you want to pass off a moissanite to be a diamond giving false impressions galore.

So my advice to you is to figure out how to approach this in a very different way and stop parroting the same reasoning that you’ve made to your boyfriend over and over again. 

Post # 144
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Motor Yacht Destiny

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@Lillianna:  Hey girl, you like big rocks and there is no shame in that.  You should get what YOU want and wear it proudly because it is exactly what makes YOU happy.  Period.  You should go around flaunting a gorgeous ring that is made of diamond, moissanite, CZ, swarovski, glass, or anything else that’ll make you happy just because it is what looks good on your hand and has meaning to you and your future. Who is anyone to judge something on YOUR finger? Did they buy it? Did they discuss it with you? Did they ask for your hand in marriage with it?  No! They should shove their opinions and congratulate you! And lastly, I believe that if someone asks someone to marry them, then they should get something that the other person will love, wear with pride, cry tears of joy over and hold near and dear, NOT what they personally think the other SHOULD like.  No.  If I weren’t engaged to a man who just happened to walk into my life and change it completely, I would be asking a beautiful woman to marry me and I would find out exactly what she wanted and I would do my best to make HER dream ring become a reality. 

Post # 145
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@Lillianna:  “awful e-ring”

 

wow! that’s just rude! and making excuses not to wear it… wow! I tried not to be judgamental, but just wow…

Post # 146
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Post # 147
Member
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If we took out the “moissanite” aspect and looked at it from the other angle, I think alot of bees would take a different stance.

For example, what if SO wanted to buy a HUGE rock (of whatever sort) and OP felt that it didn’t work for her lifestyle, style, work place, etc…..what then?!? I think many bees would see that she has a right to want what she wants, as she’ll be wearing it every day for the rest of her life (hopefully).  Agreed, I think that ring design often should be a compromise of what both people want, but OP has a right to prefer a certain style (ie. larger stones) just any of us prefer yellow gold, white gold, halos, solitares, etc. I don’t think that an SO has 100% control over choosing what they want if they *know* it goes against the strong preferences of the future wearer of said ring.  That’s just my opinion.

Now, OP (if you’re even still around), I do also agree with most PPs that the *way* you went about discussing it with your SO is very hurtful to him, seeing as he could interpret that you feel like he can’t buy you the ring you really want so you’re willing to “settle” for moissanite. It’s not really about moissanite, or diamonds, or money….it’s about size (for you).  So…for a certain size, and a certain monetary value, diamond may be ruled out.

Post # 148
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

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@KatyElle:  I feel like we’re saying the same thing? You’re pointing out the disparity. People criticize (sometimes) women for wanting big rocks and they don’t criticize men who don’t want to pass off non-diamonds as diamonds. My point is that what women are criticized for is trying to “be impressive” whereas it is hard to criticize men for not wanting to be seen as a liar. Apples and oranges, imo. (Just like if a man came on here saying he wanted to get his Fiance a moissonite and pass it off as a diamond because he wanted her to have a “big rock” and his fi was uncomfortable with that— I think people would DEFINITELY call him petty. And if a woman said that she was uncomfortable trying to pass a moissanite off as a diamond I don’t think anyone would say that was petty. It just so happens that you never see guys here trying to get moissanite over their FI’s objections)

Post # 149
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@futuremrskgt:  Haha thanks!

I really have no opinion on the whole “You’re being fake” issue. I rock a moissy but don’t pass it off as a diamond. If someone feels it diminishes the fact that they dropped bank on a diamond, so be it. Not my problem. I also think the “It’s like a fake handbag” argument is played out.

I haven’t looked into OP’s posting history nor do I have an opinion on women who want a big ring for whatever reason. Most of us want a nice ring and we want others to think so as well. I just think it’s a funny double standard I see all the time. “You’re hurting his pride!!!” and all that.

Post # 150
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Even with a solitaire, Empower yourself, don’t discourage the search.  Search together all shapes and stone options.  Ask him if you can be a part in selecting it so you can share one of the best moments of your relationship together, since you appreciate him putting so much money and thought into it.  ALSO look at pricescope and bluenile and james allen or call a trusted diamond dealer and investigate.  A .96ct G color SI1 oval with a 58% depth can be almost 8x6mm and look like a 1.50ct round.  You do not need to settle, just explore!!!  And the more educated your SO is with options of Mossie, diamond shapes, sizes, makes, clarity, you will have both bonded and invested in your selecting in a personal way.  ENJOY your lives together don’t stress out!

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