Post # 407
This post just confuses me. I didn’t want a diamondat all. I’m afraid of losing it. I didn’t want to spend the money, and so forth and so on. After years of this debate he finally told me he just couldn’t marry me until he put a diamond on my finger. It was his opinion that it was traditional and important. So we went to the jewelry store. We live together andour finances are combined. The look on the sales persons face was priceless, when she offered us help, and I said yes he wants to buy me a diamond e-ring and I don’t want to pay a penny More then $500. We started looking, and he was going big while I was going small. we finally agreed on a beautiful diamond with stunning bling and clarity. It was closer to his idea of what tospend, and further from mine. But the diamondit’s guaranteed, and if it ever falls out it will be replaced for free. In the end, I had to accept that a real diamond was important to him. He it’s traditional, and to him this is tradition. It doesn’t matter if he bought into some sales propaganda or not. The fact is, as many girls picture their dream wedding, many men grow up picturing some day placing a diamond on the hand of the girl of their dreams. I had to realize that my e-ring was a gift from him, and he intended on a diamond. To him any thing elsewould have been less then. Maybe you and your SO could shop together for a diamond. Sometimes a smaller ring with good clarity is quite blingy. It just seems to me that the feelings of the man you love should far exceed the size of a stone. And personally I would be heart broken if any gift I gave someone I love was passed off as something else. I would really feel like it wasn’t good enough. I wish you both the best. And I really hope you can talk about this, and work it out.
Post # 408
Even if he’s moving in with me for the wrong reasons, I don’t care because it means I won’t lose my home. I was the one who pushed him to move in because I need help with the bills – initially he said it’s not his responsibility to rescue me from a bad situation that isn’t his fault, but eventually (after much begging and tears) he agreed.
ETA: I never said I pay all the bills. I said I provide for myself, and he doesn’t support me because he doesn’t earn heaps of money, so he has none left at the end of the month after he pays for the things he wants. I said he doesn’t have money to spare for a diamond (although he could cut back on his spending or sell stuff and save up enough money if he really wanted to) and I don’t want him to get into debt for an e-ring. All of this is perfectly true – despite earning $50k he spends every cent and had nothing left over, so he can’t support me and he can’t buy me a diamond ring. I just accepted this, but when I actually analyzed my feelings I found I was really resentful that he can’t support me or buy me a ring, because I need help and I think he would be able to if he didn’t spend so much on himself.
Thanks to everyone who has tried to be helpful – this thread is getting ridiculous now, and I won’t be posting here any more if I’m going to be accused of lying.
Post # 409
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Enjoy. I did the same thing and it was the worst mistake I ever made. Thankfully I miscarried and he showed his true colors after 3 years of marriage.
You shouldn’t have to beg someone who loves you to help you out of a bad situation. At the very least work on creating a support network of friends and family that you can trun to when this guy gets tired of you, because he will. Sorry everything is so negative but we’ve all seen it and/or lived it and we’re just trying to help you avoid wasting years of your life on it.
Post # 410
Can you get a roommate? There’s got to be more than one solution to this than him moving in with you.
I’ve sort of given up on this thread, but you’re setting yourself up for a lot of misery. I think you’re just not ready to leave this guy because you love him and you hope it’ll get better. You’ve got a bunch of people telling you it won’t, but you’re ignoring that. Oh well. To quote Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
Post # 411
ok it seems I only read the first page and commented when I saw the comment box. I commented about rings and this conversation clearly took another turn. sorry, but I just can’t keep up.
Post # 412
you guys have an incredibly dyfunctional relationship. Losing your home is a much preferred out come to you guys making this bad situation more complicated by living together. Its crazy how obvious it is to everyone reading this but you refuse to see it.
Post # 413
@Lillianna: I’ve done my share of nice things to show him how great it would be to spend his life with me. I’ve done it for years. I’ve given, and given, until I can’t give any more.
Can you give any reason you say you love this man? Cause he’s looking like a totally seffish asshole to the rest of us….
Post # 414
At the request of the OP this thread is closed.