(Closed) SO thinks I'm ungrateful for wanting a moissanite

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 92
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@Lillianna:  “Of course I’d prefer a diamond if we had enough money to buy one, but if the choice is between a 0.5ct diamond and a 1.5ct moissanite, I’d rather have the moissanite because the amount of bling is more important to me than the type of stone is. It hurts his ego because I want to get a large moissanite (which he can afford) and pass it off as being a large diamond (which he can’t afford).”

Your Fiance doesn’t want you to be fake.  He doesn’t want people to think he spent a ton of money on a huge diamond when he didn’t.  It’s obvious that you don’t want a moissy because you like moissys, you want one because your Fiance can’t afford a diamond.  There is another thread on the bee about how large engagement rings can potentially hurt your chances of being hired for a job too.  I suggest you give that thread a look.  Your Fiance could very well be thinking about a lot of the points raised in that thread.  He could also be thinking about how his family and friends (who know his financial situation) might react if they see you with a big fat rock that you’re passing off as a diamond when they know he’s not in a position to spend that kind of money and still be responsible with the rest of his finances.  He might also just not like the idea of you being dishonest about what type of stone it is.  If you had an emerald or some other stone, it would not look at all like a diamond so he wouldn’t need to worry about anyone thinking he’d spent more than he should have on it because it would be impossible for you to pass it off as a diamond (which you clearly intend to do with a moissy).  I’m totally with your Fiance on this one.  Either get a smaller diamond that he can afford or go with a different stone all together.  You obviously don’t want a moissy because you like them, you want a moissy so you can pass it off like it’s a diamond (or at the very least so that hopefully some people will think it’s a diamond, even if you don’t straight up lie about it).

Post # 93
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@yellow7404:  Uh, I think you’re misunderstanding my intent. I’m referencing that the OP mentioned she didn’t want to be criticized for having a small diamond, which I took to mean that she was being influenced by social pressure.

As far as her Fiance goes, he seems like he’d be embarrassed if other people knew it was a moissy or whatever because he’d take it as some sort of statement about his financial status. My point is that IF she proudly proclaimed, “Oh, it’s moissanite–isn’t it fabulous?!” then more people would interpret that as he got her the gemstone that she wanted, and who could have a problem with that? Yes, there will always be some idiotic people who like to assume that anything not a diamond, especially gems like moissanite, must mean there are financial issues, but that’s not only catty and unbecoming of them, but also really completely idiotic. You can determine nothing about a couple’s finances through a ring. Zip. Zilch. Nada. And that’s why you shouldn’t bother with people who think that way.

 

Post # 94
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t get it – why does it matter WHY OP wants the moissanite? So someone wanting moissanite because it’s a gem in it’s own right is great and ethical, but it’s downright materialistic to want moissanite because bigger sizes are easier to afford…huh?

And I also never understood why people get offended if others pass their moissanite or CZ off as a diamond – who cares? I have CZ rings I wear sometimes for fun and if someone compliments me on the ring I’m not going to launch into a breathless speech about how it’s really a CZ and not a diamond.

OP, if you want a moissy so you can get your dream size, I think that’s totally fine. It’s your ering and you should love it! But I think you are really going to have to do some work to convince your SO that moissanite is “OK” to have in an engagement ring. Maybe bring up its durability, fire, and sparkle. I think you should order a moissanite so you can see if it’s even what you really want for your ering – you might not even prefer it once you’ve seen it in real life, or you might LOVE it and you can show your SO how much it sparkles. That alone might sell him. Then you can send that stone back and decide what size, shape, etc. you like. I can understand him being hurt by the size of moissy vs. diamonds thing, so show him it’s not just about that.

If in the end he’s still dead set on a diamond or other gemstone, I’d just compromise as best you can now and buy yourself a nice honking moissy right hand ring later, or get one as an anniversary/holiday/birthday present later down the line. He won’t care about the stone on any ring other than your ering.

Post # 96
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@CorgiTales:  😉

Post # 97
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

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@AllTheGoodUsernamesAreTaken:  Wow! Really fantastic points!!!

Maybe he doesn’t want his family ( who knows his fianicials) to assume he took out some 20,000 loan to buy you a ring?

Maybe he thinks if you were a big huge diamond, that people will feel he is financially irresponsible?

Maybe he assume people will think its fake, and that would embarass him?

Maybe he wants a real stone because he wants it to be passed down from generation to generation as sa valuable momento..?

You can get a .5 diamond and get a massive halo around it that would take up your whole finger. Design a ring together— but please, just telling him ” what you can afford real-diamond wise isnt big enough, so buy me a moissy so I can pass it off as real to people” is hurtful.

 

 

 

Post # 98
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@athame1983:  Exactly.  I’m still reading through all the replies so my first comment was in regards to the OP’s first post without considering anything that’s been said since then.  I totally understand her FI’s stance on this and I agree with it.  Some people like moissy’s in their own right, not because they look like diamonds.  It sounds like the OP wants a moissy because it looks like a diamond, not because she likes moissy’s.  I think that’s a bad reason to get a moissy, which is why I was trying to say in my post.  I would be hurt too if I was in her FI’s shoes.  CZ are made only for the sake of immitating diamonds.  Moissy’s are not made for that reason, although some people use them the same way.  Moissy’s are made because a lot of people prefer them, not because they want something that will immitate a diamond.  If the only reason the OP wants a moissy is because they can’t afford a diamond of that size and she wants an immitaion diamond, then I don’t think she should get a moissy.  Hopefully this post makes that more clear.  🙂

Post # 99
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@Lillianna:   they’ll assume that any white stone e-ring is a diamond.

You realize this is the major issue…if you wanted a different stone to have a different stone this would not be an issue, likely even with your potential Fiance

BUT the fact that you want to pass off a different stone (any stone apparently) as a diamond people are having issues with it….and so is your potential Fiance

Live within your means, be proud of who and your Fiance are…the rest falls into place…if you don’t, you will always be living your life in a lie, and unhappy

Post # 102
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

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@Lillianna:  I totally forgot about the Amora Gem! Do you know about it? You should totally watch the videos and read a little bit about it. It’s going to be amazing and if you are going for a diamond look, it will be even better for you than moissanite.

http://www.amora.net/

You could let your SO purchase you a diamond ring now, and when the Amora Gem is available to buy in the US, upgrade the diamond to a larger Amora Gem and have your original ering diamond made into a pendant. Just an idea!

Post # 103
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@andilovesjosh 
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@futuremrskgt:  personally, I don’t think much of someone who lies about something just to make themselves feel better about it. Personally. If I wanted to buy a cheap clear plastic thing I could get out of a quarter egg machine (this is not a comparison of moissanite) and pass it off as a diamond, you’re saying you wouldn’t think any lesser of me?

lying about the stone you have …*shakes head*

that aside, the OP is missing the point of an engagement ring.

Post # 104
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

You’ve gotten about 100 responses to this post. Almost universally people think you should either accept a diamond ring or choose a different stone that he is okay with (i.e. a colored one). If nothing else, this should tell you that his feelings are normal and valid. We don’t always get what we want in life. I have lots of stuff I want that just isn’t going to happen because I don’t have the money! But that’s life… work within your means and don’t turn your engagement (which should be an overwhelmingly HAPPY time) into a poor memory for you and your future husband.

Post # 106
Member
732 posts
Busy bee

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@strawbs:  I don’t know, I try not to let things other people do (that don’t affect me) bother me.

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