- 2 months ago
- Wedding: December 2014
Ugh. I just need to vent. We’ve been married 4 years and have a 2.5 year old little one. My husband is great majority of the time. He cleans, cooks, and works. He’s a friendly guy. And everyone thinks he is the nicest guy ever. But he has SUCH a short fuse with me. We can be talking, having a nice conversation, and I might say something he doesn’t like or word something wrong and he goes from 0 to 60 in a millisecond. His smile will turn straight to a burrowed brow and he will lash out at me, and stay mad at me for days at a time. I can’t try to talk to him without him cutting me off, or tell me I’m making excuses, or raising his voice. There is no talking things through with him, there is no getting to the bottom of things. He has his ideas of whatever (and it always seems to be me being the bad guy), and nothing I can say or do changes that.
When he’s in these moods, I HATE how he talks to me in front of our daughter. I ask him to stop and he can talk to me however he wants once she’s asleep, and then he just yells at me even more saying that if I wasn’t the problem, he wouldn’t have to talk to me like that. I try to keep me and my daughter away from him when he’s in these moods (he’s never been anything but sweet to her… he loves her so much) by avoiding coming home as long as possible or trying to go in another room. However, I don’t like to let him stay home alone without me for too long when he’s in these moods, because WAY more than once I have come home to find that he has thrown all my clothes out of my dresser onto the floor, or thrown my clothes in the front yard or the driveway. If i forgot to do something, which is honestly 100% completely an accident, he will then “forget” to do something else that is way more important on purpose just to spite me. He likes to get revenge any way he can when he’s in these moods.
He also acts like I do NOTHING around the house. I clean and pick up constantly (I have to, we have a 2.5 year old). I just never mention it to him that I did anything, because if I mention that I cleaned, he gets snotty and scoffs at me saying I only do it for praise. However, if I clean and DON’T tell him, he is unobservant and yells at me and tells me I never do anything around the house. I can’t win.
I know he hates his job. He has a masters degree but works custodial because that’s all he can get. And he takes it out on me because he can’t take it out on anyone else. But I’m SICK of it. He is really a great guy when these moods dont hit. Some months he only gets like this once or twice, and other monthes, like last month, he was mad for like 2 solid weeks, then was happy for a few days, then got mad again for a few more days.
He also always rubs it in my face, or rather, makes me feel guilty when he pays for things. Neither of us make a whole lot of money, but I do make slightly more than him. However, his parents bought him a truck and paid for his college. I have a car payment and student loan payments I pay every month, which essentally gives me less money every month than him. He told me today that he’s “not helping me anymore,” so if I need to, I will make sure that my half of the house is paid, I have gas in my car, and can buy food for my daughter. I’ll do my best do make any payments if he isn’t helping, but I will just have to let everthing else go to collections.
I’ve asked him to go to therapy with me, but he’s very against it. Has anyone ever made it in a relationship like this… made it through to good times? I honestly don’t want a divorce. When these moods arent there he’s so great, and our daughter loves him, so I don’t want to take her daddy away from her.
I walk on egg shells all the time. Afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing. I’m so tired.