So tired.

posted 2 weeks ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

That’s completely abusive behavior. And it’s abusive to your daughter as well. “The best thing a man can do for his children is love their mother.”

Post # 32
Member
2658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

This is emotional abuse and as sweet as he may be toward your daughter, the way he treats you in front of her will be very damaging to her over the long term. She deserves better and so do you. 

You’ve done your best and you’ve made valid suggestions like therapy and he refuses. You’ve done what you can and have no choice but to accept that he isn’t going to change. Those moods are a significant part of who he is and he’s unwilling to work on being better. Your choice now is to stay and let your daughter grow up to believe that’s how “good” men speak to women then “love”, or leave. 

 

Post # 33
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

My assessment, as someone who has previously been in an abusive relationship, is that this is not an enrolment you OR your daughter should be in. I understand it feel so hard né impossible to leave him but you should, he sounds emotionally abusive and unfortunately these things tend to escalate. I hope that you find a way to resolve your current situation, you deserve better x 

Post # 34
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

I am sorry you are going through this, bee. It sounds miserable and exhausting.

I read a comment a fellow bee made on another post like this quite some time ago, and her comment resonated with me…. I can’t remember her exact wording but it was something like, ‘Even Adolf Hitler bought his mom flowers on her birthday.’ 

translation: he doesn’t have to be an abusive asshole 100 percent of the time to still be an abusive asshole. He is. And you don’t deserve this. No one does. If he was married to your mom, or sister, or neighbor or someone you love dearly, what would you adivse them?  Probably the same thing as every single responder has said to you here. Get out. File for divorce.

I know it’ll be hard/ difficult/ anxiety arousing but you need a game plan to leave. PLEASE talk to your loved ones about getting you and your daughter out of there.

I would get a restraining order too, bc once he figures out that you are gone, I am sure his behavior will escalate again. 

Post # 35
Member
2764 posts
Sugar bee

LeonardLady :  I am so sorry you are going through all this.

No one wants to feel uneasy in their own home. It should be your sanctuary. 

Everyone has bad days and bad moods. Heck, i’d be lying if i said that Darling Husband and I never took a bad day at work out on eachother. He gets chronic back pain and he can get in cranky moods where he gets snappy. 

But what you are describing is very different. The main ones bring respect and logical reasoning.

Respect – just because we are snappy or short with eachother does not mean yelling/calling eachother names/throwing things in eachothers faces. 

Logical Reasoning – one of us will apologize to the other after realizing we were being irrational. 

Your H doesnt seem to do that. When he apologizes it probably sounds like “im sorry i yelled BUT you did xyz “. And is he unwilling to help you with money even when he isnt in one of these “moods?” what kind of partnership is that?

You and your daughter shouldnt have to worry about what kind of mood he is in when you pull in the driveway. I can understand you are in a difficult position especially with a child involved and you dont want to “take her daddy away” which i suppose is one way to look at it. But how about also looking at it as “Getting her mommy back”

Kids are perceptive and can notice a change when dad is in a bad mood and mom is on edge. Also, the way he speaks to you infront of her is how she will grow up believeing parents/relationships should be. Will she think its normal to sometimes have mommys clothes thrown on the front lawn?

Im not telling you to leave, although i dont think this relationship is healthy. But unless he willing to go to counseling, i dont see how this will change. 

 

Post # 36
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

No, bee, just no. I broke off an engagment with a guy who was always angry about his job and would fly into rages and not a day goes by that I regret it. 

My bestie just left a marriage because of the way he treated her in front of her kids. She has no regrets.

if you canʻt leave for you, leave for your kid. She is learning how a man should treat a woman and I just know youʻd whoop a dudeʻs ass if he treated your daughter the way youʻre being treated. You BOTH deserve better. Do it.

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