Post # 1
and i’ve only been engaged for a little over 2 months.
We’ve been trying to narrow down a venue (as I’m sure some of you have seen) everytime I fall in love with a place FH says he’s not sure or it turns out to be too small or too expensive. I’ve now found a place that I love, the price is right and I thought he liked. We leave, he tells me he like the last place I liked better (yet prior to this he really wasn’t keen on it). Problem is that place is WAY more expensive. We have another appointment to see another place on Saturday but I don’t even want to go, I already have the caterer menus and they’re going to be way more.
He keeps suggesting we just ‘rent a barn somewhere’ yet the place I found is in the city and is a nice barn. He doesn’t seem to get that around here, to get a caterer and rentals to build a site from scratch like that will cost twice as much. We don’t have access to a backyard, banquet halls and hotels are out. Our guests are coming from out of town so getting them way out of the city isn’t an option and I’m spent. I can’t think of anything else. I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent scouring online for clever ideas. I thought I had a brilliant idea about a week ago and then discovered that alcohol is prohibited at that location (we’re not having a dry wedding…we’re just not).
I’m at my wits end, I dont know what else to do. The place we were at last weekend I really really loved. I can totally picture us getting married there, it’s sweet and simple and fun and different and ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Thank you for reading my rant. Had to get that out.
Post # 3
May I suggest to not discard the out of the city option?
My venue was 40 minutes away from the city, ended up being more with traffic. But I provided transportation there and back, a bus, and it was still cheaper (and more beautiful) than anything I could find in the city.
Post # 4
you bees that plan weddings, i seriously want to just give you a round of applause. i don’t know how you guys do it! it’s so much planning, thought, and care. i know the end result is SO worth it but i simply don’t have the patience or endurance!! 😉
good luck to you and your FI. i know you guys will find something and it will be great!!
Post # 5
@MsGinkgo: Finding the right venue that checks everyone’s boxes can be tough. Perhaps if you suggested that he help with finding some places he thinks would work? There are lots of “barn” type venues in southern Ontario, but depending on price, distance and how much/little needs to be outsourced will cut down the options.
Post # 6
@bebero: I can manage up to an hour from where we are but I’ve yet to find anything that we both like. It doesn’t help that FH can’t seem to vocalize what he wants. He’s used the word ‘unique’ before but I have no idea what that means.
We’ve been to
Toronto Botanical Gardens – he doesn’t like it
Spencers on the Waterfront – neither of us like it
Ottello’s – neither of us like it
Estates of Sunnybrook – it’s okay
Dundurn Castle – not really suitable
Casa Loma – too expensive
Paletta Mansion – not big enough
McMichael Canadian Art Collection (his current favourite)
Black Creek Pioneer Village (my current favourite)
Viamede Resort – too far/too expensive
Steamwhistle -close friend was married there last summer so we ruled it out
Just from a cost perspective I’ve ruled out a bunch of others too – my email is packed with venue info, I’m in overload
we’re going to Evergreen Brickworks on Saturday – I really hope we can make a decision soon. My dad has offered to help with the cost (although I have no idea how much help he’s providing – he told us to plan and then let him know what we’re planning and he’ll see how he can help us best).
Post # 7
Why not ask him to provide ome options he likes?
Post # 8
@cdncinnamongirl: he’s not particularly helpful with these things. He’s not a planner. He works in hospitatlity so he spends all day dealing with numbers and forecasts, his personality is very go with the flow (unless he actually has an opinion then he tells you 3 days later). I’m a planner, I’m very much a planner, so for me this process and his lack of communication has been frustrating. Typically in our relationship, I make the plan tell him what it is, and then he tells me if that’s okay – the wedding is a little different.
Post # 9
@JenGirl: believe me, i’ve tried. so far i get nothing but an ‘i dunno’. i don’t think he knows what he wants, he’ll know it when he sees it, i just can’t deal with much more of this. If we wait too long we won’t be able to get a May date
Post # 10
@MsGinkgo: Yeah, I don’t know what kind of relationship you guys have, but I’d tell him it’ about to drive you bonkers and you need his help and sit him down at a computer and ask him to do some searching.
Post # 11
@MsGinkgo: I see….yeah, that’s not going to make it easy on you to plan a wedding! Perhaps you have to just set some boundries so that you don’t keep searching endlessly but still give him some veto power. For example, narrow it down to 2 and say, “Ok babe, it’s one of these 2. Which do you prefer?” and let him weigh in that way.
It sounds silly, but I had the same issue about lipstick on my wedding day. Yes. Lipstick…I bought so many and tested them out (crazy, I know…what a waste). My Hubs *hates* anything (and I mean anything) on my lips and I stressed about having some colour on my lips while not turning him off from kissing me. Ugh. He finally saw how stressed I was and told me that no matter what I had on, he would love it! It totally took the stress off….it’s a lot of pressure to worry that your new husband won’t want to kiss you on your wedding day! I ended up feeling so relieved, and wore just lip gloss actually. My point is: sometimes our FIs don’t need all the details of making the preliminary choices, they just need the choice in the final decision making. This may be one of those times.
Post # 12
Is he usually willing to change his mind or is he usually very much set on his ways?
If I were you, I would find AMAZING pictures of the Toronto Botanical Garden, email them to him with something like “look at how different it looks with this decor! AND I just got a quote from xxx and it’s three times more expensive”.
My husband would totally fall for something like this and I’d end up convincing him
Many times it’s simply the way you present things
anyway.. good luck! it’ll all be good in the end!
Post # 13
IMO it’s time to draw a line in the sand. I suggest asking him for his top 2-3, and you get to pick one, or vice versa, whichever way he would prefer. Then you guys can both make some tough choices. I think collaboration is great, but at some point, you just have to lay the chips down.
ETA: My FI is an “I dunno” guy, and he’s done very well with being presented with two options and picking one. It’s much less pressure, and you know you’ll both be happy. That said, he said “I dunno” to the top two venues so I said “GREAT!” and just chose one. I feel like people who shrug it along shouldnt’ get much of a say (just as long as they don’t dislike it).
Post # 14
Men, men, men ugh, sometimes. My FI isn’t really doing any planning for the wedding. I’m a planner so I’m the one whose doing everything even though I’ve asked him 100 times to give me his opinion about this and that. I always get the same reply from him. Oh, the wedding is only in a year, why worry about it now bla blablabla. So when time came for a venue, after I had researched places for hours and hours and they were either too expensive nor not what we were looking for, I finally found a nice little room in a restaurant. I went and saw it and put a deposit on it without FI seeing the place. I didn’t care. I knew its what I wanted and if I had asked him to come and see it, he wold have said, ya, eventually we will go see it. He doesn’t realize all the details involved in planning a wedding and thinks we can wait for the month before the wedding to decide on everything.
So, last week i went back to the restaurant and saw the venue again. OMG. It is so much smaller than what I remembered. Oh well, I thought. I still like it and too bad, I’m cutting people of the list of guests. So when I told FI about me going back to the venue and found it out it was much smaller than what I remembered, believe me I had to hear the whole story again from him that i had rented the place without him being there, blablblabla. I’ve been with the guy for 25 years. Sometimes I don’t even hear what he says anymore lol.
I’ve told him that on the day of the wedding if he tells me this is the best wedding he’s ever been too, I would throw him my shoe heehee!
So, if I were you, I would just go ahead and find a venue and rent it on the spot if that is what you really think that would be the best place for your wedding. Your FI will get over it and perhaps get more involved in the planning. Believe me, my FI is a little more vocal now when I ask him an opinion to something relating to the event heheehee.
Post # 15
I agree with PPs… narrow it down to two and make him vocalize a choice. If he just wants to say “I dunno” then he doesn’t need more of a choice than that. If there’s one you really love that he’s iffy on, then as another PP said, perhaps find a pic of it with some great decor or something so he can get more of a visualization of how it would look on the wedding day. *hugs* men can be so annoying…
Post # 16
I’m been showing him pics of my favourite with minimal decor and how gorgeous it is
He’s now saying let’s wait until our appointment on Saturday and then see what we think. He knows how much I love the place in the picture above. The price is SOOO reasonable at least compared to everywhere else we’ve looked.
I just got an email back from one of the caterers for the place he likes best and they seem to be completely unwilling to negotiate and it sounds like the venue has some really strict rules (and charges a CRAZY landmark fee on top of the $1750 rental fee – we’d be looking at almost $5000 in venue rental PLUS food and equipment rentals etc etc. It’s just not going to happen.