(Closed) So tired of being asked why I'm single. :(

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

aintnothinbutabeethang:  You want a pep talk? I’ve got a bunch of happy facts/anecdotes/ideas for you: 

1. Julia Child married Paul Child at the age of 34. They had one of the most beautiful love stories ever. He was 44. AND that was in 1946. I’m sure she got asked the same rude, annoying, obnoxious questions that you do. You should read My Life in France! She didn’t even learn to cook until she was in her 30s. I think she did ok πŸ™‚ 

2. My brother just got married for the first time (at 36) to an awesome woman (40) and they’re super happy. 

3. A lot of this is regional. I’m 28 and I live in NYC. I’m the only one of my friends that’s married. None of my other friends are even engaged and about half of them are single. My friends from my old hometown (small town USA) started asking me when I would get married when I was 21. Half of them are divorced with kids now. 

4. Lots of people have multiple marriages. Just because these people got married in their 20s does not mean they’ll all still be married in 10,20,30 years. 

5. People have trouble envisioning a life that isn’t their own. Darling Husband and I don’t want kids. People feel sorry for us, ask us about it all the time (including at our wedding, yes really), they are convinced we’ll change our mind. I used to get mad about this but the real truth is that they’re happy having kids, they love us, they want us to be happy, and they think the only way for that to happen is kids. We’re already happy! 

6. Everyone has their shit. Yeah, I got married in my 20s. But guess what? Darling Husband doesn’t have a college degree yet. He’s still in school full time (and working full time). His schedule is insane. I’m a freelance writer and make very little money. We’re frugal and make it work but all of our friends go on extravagent vacations all the time and we don’t. We still rent a tiny apartment and live like college students. Those people nagging you might just be trying to justify their own decisions and push aside the things they don’t love about their lives. 

7. Love is awesome! You’re not wrong to wait for something that feels right.

8. Girl, stop that “what if” train right now. That shit will make you miserable because people only play it with things they covet and they forget that there are infinite “what ifs”. Yeah, what if you met your dream guy years ago? OR- What if you were born in a third world country? What if you didn’t have any friends? You don’t spend time worrying and fretting over that so don’t think about the perfect dream what ifs either. 

9. Remember all the excitement in uncertainty! When you were 19 you weren’t worried about not being married, right? You saw the future as a vast thing with millions of options! That’s still the case for you! If you want to move to another country you can. If you want to switch careers you can. If you want to stay out all night you can. You don’t have to worry about factoring another person into your plans! There’s a lot of excitement in that stage of life! 

10. You sound like you’re doing it all right! You should be just living your life!!!! Enjoy the now. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  swonderful.
Post # 17
Member
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Here’s what is bizarre…our society puts an INSANE amount of “value” and “self worth” into the whole marriage and kids thing and it is STUPID.  Like you are successful if you have a husband and children…which is just ridiculous.  Also people seem to think it’s ok to prod their friends and family about being single, or in my case, “when are you going to have babies?”  Plenty of people are HAPPY being single.  My BFF for example.  She wants a husband and kids but she has never been in a relationship.  She’s been on dates sure, but she doesn’t want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship like some of her other friends have been.  She is 28 and honestly one of the coolest people I know.

Just because I am married doesn’t make me any more “successful” than you.  Just because someone has kids and is married doesn’t make them any more “successful” than me.  Our society is insanely messed up…why is “ok” for someone to ask you why you’re single?  Why is it “ok” for someone to ask me when we’re having kids.  What if we don’t WANT kids?  What if we were having fertility issues?

Seriously don’t let these people get you down.  <3 

Post # 18
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

aintnothinbutabeethang:  How unfair and hurtful of your family. All I can say is that it’s utter nonsense. You know the truth, which is that you are a successful person on a very healthy road to happiness. You will meet someone when the timing is right but he will not define who you are.

FWIW my sister was single for seven years and then met a wonderful man at 32 whom I believe she will settle down with when the circumstances suit them both. She had moments of feeling a bit of a spinster, but she never let those moments rule her life. She’s so much more than one half of a couple, as are you.

Post # 19
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I was single for 18 years and now I am getting married for the first time at 51 years old.

Yes it does hurt when people ask why you are single, but I always retorted “Because I don’t want to be divorced like so-and-so” and give examples of those close to you who are divorced. That ususally shuts them up real quick especially when it’s them who are divorced too.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  happy_face. Reason: added words
Post # 20
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

A friend of mine once complained to an older colleague about being single at 30, while all her friends had gotten married in their twenties. “Oh honey,” she replied. “The only thing you’re missing out on is your first divorce.”

I think you’re awesome for not settling and taking your life by the horns. I’m sorry your family was so rude to you. Some people are just bored with their lives, so they want everyone to make the same miserable choices as them. It sounds like you’re on the right track.

Post # 21
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

aintnothinbutabeethang:  alright, I was feeling the exact same way at 30!! I was angry I had wasted precious time on losers and afraid I would be too late to start a family. I compared myself to everyone else and didn’t understand why it wasn’t happening for me. And yes, I wanted to drop kick anyone who would ask me why i was still single, and even worse, I wanted to kung foo anyone who would tell me “you will find love when you least expect it” arhhgggg Shut up!!  

But now, I’m going to be that annoying pain in the a** and say it. It’s true. it really does happen when you least expect It. At 30 I met my fiancé. I’ve just turned 32 and am planning my August wedding, and have just stopped taking the pill to prepare my body for baby making for right after the wedding. And funny enough, I’m wondering if I found him quick, cause all of my girlfriends (hotties, good jobs, good families, just all around total catches) are all single!! We’re in a new generation now where 30 is the new 20, and we shouldn’t feel the pressure when our parents tell us about how at our age they were married with a house and 10 kids already. It’s just not like that anymore!! We are a different and unique generation that takes things slower. Maybe it’s cause woman can have equal jobs now so we’re busy building careers, maybe it’s cause people are afraid to commit to one person cause it always seems greener on the other side of the lawn with social media and the options in a partner seem endless, whatever the reason is, we are moving at a different pace. And it’s great cause we get to experience things and try/see things our parents didn’t get to. 

But, I definitely believe there is someone out there for everyone. So in the meantime, enjoy your circumstances now. Friends, family, partying, traveling. Whatever it is, cause it will all change when “he” does come along. And not for the worse, but just different. 

As for people asking you why you’re still single. Here was my answer, and it always seemed to satisfy their curiosity: 

“I’m single cause I’m waiting for my future husband to screw up and learn from all his mistakes on other women, so he is ready and perfect for when he meets me” πŸ™‚ 

Post # 22
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

I’m 30 this year and although I’m getting married, sooo many of my friends of the same age are single or not close to marriage or children. You’re still SO young! I get that its hard not to compare when everyone around you is doing the same thing, but you’re doing amazing things! You have so much time ahead of you and so many exciting things happened!!! You’ll find someone for sure, but just have fun right now πŸ™‚ 

Post # 23
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Please, please, please don’t listen to people who get you down! I spent loads of time in my 20s dating guys that were total idiots because people said I was too picky. Eventually I decided I’d rather be alone than with the wrong guy and then I met my husband. He is literally nothing like any of those guys, and I am so incredibly glad that I didn’t settle.

I don’t think you should stop dating though. Maybe try to meet people through mutual interests though, because otherwise you dealing with a pool that’s just so large that you’re bound to meet people who simply aren’t right for you. 

Post # 24
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

aintnothinbutabeethang:  This was me aged 26… I had been single for 5 years. My standard answer to the ”why are you single” question was ”Tell me who I should be dating? – do you know anyone that would be suited to me?” That shut people up because they realized that unless they were suggesting to set me up with someone, it was a pointless comment.

At 26 I then met my husband.. at 27 we owned a property together, at 28 we were married and now at 29 we have a little baby boy. When you meet the right person things can happen fast πŸ™‚

You will meet someone, honestly you will. In the meantime, enjoy having a glass of wine in the evening, watching fun programs, sleeping till noon, going out shopping etc etc. Once you have joint financial responsibility and children, it will be hard to even find time to cut your nails and wash your hair, let alone go out shopping.

That’s what I decided to do at 26.. I just had faith that my guy would come along one day, and made up my mind to truly enjoy and appreciate my own company and freedom while I could. I met my husband shortly after. It’ll happen for you πŸ™‚

Post # 25
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh and by the way things can change fast. Two of my siblings were making jokes in my direction about being single, and now things have turned around.. I’m the one whose married with a child and they’re both single because their relationships didn’t work out. So.. don’t base your happiness on other people.. things can change in a heartbeat.

Post # 26
Member
1919 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

aintnothinbutabeethang:  Props to you for living life!! Keep traveling and continue with school! Just tell those nay sayers that you are loving the life you have. You’re not too old to have a family and it can still happen… BUT keep being you and living! I think it’s so sad to see people becoming lazy, couch potatoes stuck on the “woe is me” complex.

Just to share… I met my Fiance 3 years ago while living in the 2nd state I had moved too after many travels, I will be 37 at our wedding and I am soooooo happy I never settled or stopped living.

Props to you!!

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  BrideK2Wings. Reason: typo
Post # 27
Hostess
8491 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

aintnothinbutabeethang:  Oh bee.

 

I know how tough it can be. I turned 30 in March, single, everyone seemed to make a big deal of it, with even my own mother saying was I sad about being single and 30. Although it sucked that I wasn’t where I thought I would be, I used the time to reflect about my friends who had sadly passed away and would never even get to see 30, let alone get married and had kids and this really made me realise that I needed to be grateful of my position. In a relationship or not.

 

I have a great job, a loving family, great friends, I like to think I am a nice person to be around so hopefully one day I will find someone, but I realised I needed someone to COMPLIMENT me not to COMPLETE me. I would rather be single and happy than in a crappy relationship or divorced or raising a kid alone because I had settled for a relationship with someone that wasn’t right.

 

I walked away from my ex and have now been single for a year and a half. I know how annoying the questions are. A friend asked me last week if I would think about adopting a baby, you know, if I didn’t find anyone??!. WTF I am 30 – still plenty young. Even my colleagues like to make jokes. One asked me if I had been husband hunting on the weekend and I said no and then he asked me why I was STILL  single and I told him that I am pretty f’ing awesome in my own right and don’t NEED someone and more to the point I am yet to find anyone who meets the same awesome standard that I am of! ha ha. I was joking of course but, kind of not. Why settle?? Screw that!

 

Another Christmas alone is coming, soon I will turn 31, who knows if I will meet anyone soon, but I will tell you, I am happier being alone than having to put up with some bullshit relationship just because people perceive you to be of more worth, or have your shit together more if you have someone.

 

I always joke that by the time I get married my friends will be going through their first divorce.

Best of luck to you bee, if you ever want to PM just shout.

 

P.S. I have two cats and they haven’t eaten me yet! πŸ˜‰

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Mrs_Beer.
Post # 28
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Girl I felt the same way you feel when at 29, yet another relationship failed.  Life has a funny way of working out, I am engaged now, however, I still miss those nights of just chillin with my dog and a glass of wine on the couch.  The grass is always greener that is for sure.  

One thing about the tables, they always turn.  Soon enough you will be in a relationship, so enjoy the now!!

Post # 29
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

floranfauna:  lol so funny what I was looking for in my 20’s! I loved musicians, surfers, and starving artist… And if they didn’t have a job?! Even better, more time to hang out with me. So glad you found your man! What were you looking for in him? Just curious, since our taste change as we get older. 

Post # 30
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Don’t beat yourself up over past relationships and ‘if onlys’! If it wasn;t meant to be, ti just wasn’t.

And listen to your gut. If you’re happy, and getting to do everything you’ve wanted to do, it sounds like you’re seeking out your own happiness and fulfillment, which is actually a really attractive thing to have going for you. It means any guy you meet in the futurewill be a great addition to your already full, hapy life, and you’ll be a strong, independent, sexy partner! πŸ™‚

And thirty is super young. You’re a baby! πŸ™‚ Enjoy singledom and childlessness whilst it lasts. You get to pick what’s on TV, eat what you want, go where you want, and you don’t have to wipe dribbly noses or stand on spiky plastic toys.

In five years, when you’re arguing with your partner and trying to get your kids to eat heir vegetables, you’ll wonder why you ever worried!

 

The topic ‘So tired of being asked why I'm single. :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors