Post # 31
happbeetogetmarried: I’m so happy you found your man too! There’s something about free spirited men isn’t there with their carefree and outgoing personalities? In my early 20s I looked for a partner who I could have fun with. If it worked out, great! If not, I’d go hang out with friends and focus on my studies/hobbies. In my late 20s I looked for a guy with not only a sense of humour and adventure, but with an added dab of maturity and stability haha I sound like my parents – aaand they were right! It’s great being with my SO who’s a clown at times but mature when it comes to more serious matters. It wasn’t easy finding him, but I’m so glad I resisted the temptation to settle and now we’re both as happy as a pair of merry clams.
Post # 32
Thought this post was very timely:
Some great ideas for comebacks in the comments as well..
You really have two options: make them feel awkward and let them know you think they/the question is rude (which they are/it is) or let them know that question is neither helpful and it is hurtful to you.
Post # 33
<address>OP – I went through this at 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, and 35. AND I felt like all of my formerly single girlfirneds suddenly had all of the annoying answers for me once they got married. I don’t have answers but I will tell you I met my husband at 35.5 years old. We got married 3 months before I turned 38. I am his wife #2 and I am super happy we met later in life (“Later in life” makes us sound elderly – ha) and not when we were in our early 20’s and he was married to somenoe else and I was running around making dumb but fun choices with cute guys, lol.</address><address> </address><address> </address>
Post # 34
My friend told her nieces, at 31 years old, single, with no potential boyfriend, “if I become an old maid and not have children of my own, please take care of me.” She meant it. Her own mom believed it. A couple of months later, she met her man. Got engaged 6 months later. Now, after 3 years they have a beautiful healthy toddler, she’s working her way up in her career and they have a part-time business. My other friends dated left and right in their 20s. They’re in a similar boat, but had to go through so many heartaches and sleepless nights because of broken relationships. My friend who didnt settle and waited for the right man was enjoying her life while the others were crying their hearts out. Think of all the pain you’re avoiding by not settling. I think that the more you celebrate life and develop your potential, the more you attract the right kind of man and you won’t have to “settle”. I had to wait as well and so glad I did. I’m 34 btw and started dating at almost 33 and will be married soon. The relationship I had prior to this was at 29 years old. Almost 4 years of being asked the same question, while a lot of my friends were getting married left and right, but I’m so glad I didnt just settle. No playing games, my fiance and I knew what we both wanted and since we’re pretty established,. I didnt have to nag him regarding marriage, he was ready. Definitely worth waiting for him. And by waiting I meant enjoying my own life and developing myself as a person. It seems like you know how to live a full life so keep at it. You have so much going for you.
Post # 35
aintnothinbutabeethang: You’re always going to have the dickheads like my brother who says, “any girl not married by the time she’s 27 has something seriously wrong with her.” Live life your way, you’re the only one that has to live your life- I wish I had realized that years ago!
Post # 36
EDubbs: Thanks for the laughs 🙂
I vote for “pick yourself up by your bootstraps and start living your life.”
We could all be tormented into paralysis by our past missteps, no matter how small, if we allow it. If you regret things that happened before, design your life now so that you won’t have those regrets again.
Post # 37
aintnothinbutabeethang: I do not understand why we are in 2016 (almost) and being an unmarried woman at 30 is still something to be ashamed of. #1- 30 is not old. #2- being single is not the worst possible scenario #3- the mindset that a woman is the “pustule on the butt of the world” simply because she is single is the worst mindset to EVER have!!! Don’t think that about yourself! If you think those negative things about yourself, you are handing over the permission slip for everyone else to think that about you as well! Be confident! I am married young, but even if I hadn’t married young, I wouldn’t have cared! I don’t need some man to define who I am as an individual!
Post # 38
aintnothinbutabeethang: ” I could sit around working at a job I hated waiting for mr. perfect to show up. Or I could pick myself up by my bootstraps and start living my life.”
1. There is no Mr. Perfect. We are all very imperfect human beings. You just have to find the one that “fits” . If you accept that you will never find a perfect prince than you start looking at people realistically. Every time you go on a date you will look at how you fit together into each other’s life and what could come out of it, how you cab make it work, not sit there and have a “perfect prince” checklist going…. you can be “perfect” for each other even by being totally imperfect by society standards.
2. You dont just sit and wait for “the perfect prince” to show up and sweep you off your feet…. life us not a fairytsle…you have to go look for him… enroll in activities, go to places, sign up to dating sites, go to grad school, look everywhere. And when you find him dont expect him to be perfect and know everythjng tou want and like and do everythkng perfectly. You gotta work at it, communicate, grow together… make your own fairytale together.
3. Dont settle but keep a open mind. My motto when datng was be myself, look for “perfect for me” not just perfect… and dont expect what you can’t give… (as in if you are a couch potato dont look for a gym buff, if you are a low earner dont look for a millionaire, if you are average looking dont look for a supermodel, if you are a party animal dont look for a quiet book worm, if you cant promise to be faithful, dont expect it for him, etc etc…” look for someone who realistically fits.
I found my Fiance on plenty of fish dating site. Yes I had a checklist but it was short and realistic: Must be local, ages 30-40 (I was 26 when we met, I like them older) must noy be shorter than me (personal pref). Average looks. Must be family oriented. As in done with the party/single phase and is looking for a girl to marry and settle down with. Must want kids. Must have a job (i didnt care if he was making $15/h an hour or 100k+ a year) just that he is able to support himself and together we would be able to survive as a family. Must like/want pets. Must not be an alcoholic or drug junkie and be STD free and not a criminal. And not impotent. And not religious because I am not and it’s not something I want to deal with… (raising kids religious,sundays church, sunday school… blah blah no thanks) be he has to have morals as in he believes in marriage and non cheating… hinesty and communication and compromize. There! Short, sweet, and realistic. And when we found each other and realized we fit and fell in love. We made it work. We make it work. We keep ironing out the imperfections and we remember the bottom like, we love each other and want to be together and want to have a family. Everything else is a work in progress. There is no perfect people and no perfect relatioships.
Post # 39
You are all so wonderful! Your responses defintely helped!
swonderful: This list was awesome. Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response!
amanda3334455: I do hear that when it’s right, it happens fast. It was one of those things I’d roll my eyes to. It’s nice to hear it actually happens. 😛
BrideK2Wings: I actually just moved to grad school, and keep thinking “what if I had stayed in x.” Thanks for the encouragment. 🙂
HoneyBee663: I hope so! 🙂 (and thanks for saying I’m young :p)
ana2017: I agree, no one is perfect. That is why I have the dreaded “what if” scenarios playing in my head about things I’ve ruined. But now I know better how much “perfect for me” people are to be appreciated. Thank you for your response!
Post # 40
aintnothinbutabeethang: You’re welcome. Well you cant change the past. All you can do is learn from it and move forward 🙂
Post # 41
I think it’s silly for people to act like being single is something that needs to be fixed. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not having a boyfriend/girlfriend. While romantic relationships are great and all, there is so much more to life, like hobbies, pets, travel, friends, family, new experiences, career, school, spirituality, etc. You can live a rich, full life with or without a SO.