(Closed) So tired of being made to feel unloved and unwanted

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
8180 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@ForeverBirds:  So sorry to hear that. My family knows better than to call me for bail money because even if I have it, that ain’t what I’m using it for! Anyway, I can tell you from experience that it is much easier than you think to just distance yourself. Once crazy people realize you aren’t going to play their games, join their drama, give them money, or let them use and abuse you, they quit bugging you! It’s sad to feel this way about family, but I see it as self-preservation. I can keep them in my life and end up killing myself, or I can cut them off and actually enjoy living. It’s amazing how free you feel when you’re not responsible for everyone else’s happiness or lack thereof.

Best wishes!

Post # 4
3063 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I am so sorry you’re going through this. Your attitude about not victimizing her is the exact attitude you should have. My last job was at a women’s prision and I can’t tell you how hard it is watching families of inmate’s give into the manipulation. Because that’s all it is. She knows she was wrong, otherwise she wouldn’t be trying to validate it through you! And she’s further trying to manipulate you by calling you names when you don’t give her the validation she wants to feel like she’s “normal”. Because, frankly, she isn’t normal. No one who depends on drugs to function is normal and deep down, they know it. Please, try your best not to take her words personally, because I don’t think she truly believes what she’s saying. She’s just making up faults about everyone else so she can hide from her own.

Is there any way you can distance yourself from her for now? Are you still living at home? If so, can you stay with a friend? I am very sorry you’re in this situation. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me and I will try to help. I am sure you’ll get great advice and support in the responses!

Post # 5
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ForeverBirds:  Ugh!!! I can totally relate.  My mom is xanny loving idiot too (who also drinks and does drugs) and it wasn’t until I went to therapy for it that I learned what the answer was: set boundaries.

You can only define what your boundaries are for yourself (for me it was terminating the toxic relationship with my mom).  Another good tip is a book I was told to read: The Child Within.

You have every right to be pissed…let it out!  I’m so sorry this is happening 🙁

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