(Closed) So tired of this…Long sorry but I need to talk to someone

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I think I know how you feel!

Honestly, I think it is something about our society. In real life, the vast majority of people that I’ve interacted with are flakes. My only friend is my husband.

The best you can do IS get a hobby, and stop relying on anybody. Oh, and stop buying people crap. They don’t deserve it.

Post # 6
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@Corilee13:  I feel for you.  My only real suggestion is to stop trying so hard and appearing desperate.  This might make people feel really uncomfortable.  Yes, it’s important to make others feel important….but…you can do that by showing you care and reaching out to them to see how they’re doing (vs. buying them things).  In terms of building new friendships, I would check in your community for clubs that involve something you enjoy and you’d find people with common interests (running/crafts/books, etc).  HUGS to you!! 

Post # 7
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow, you must be in my mind today.  This is exactly how I’ve been feeling the past couple of days – especially after learning that there was a gathering of co-workers at someone’s house and I wasn’t invited.  Talk about a punch in the stomach.

I wish I had some words of advice for you or the both of us rather.  I sit here and try to figure out what I’m doing wrong as well.  

The rare times I was really close to people was when they were trying to ruin my life somehow.  I became so frustrated that I just gave up after awhile.  Before Fiance, I was really close to a few guys.  I only liked them as friends and of course they ended up liking me more than just a friend.  My friendships with said guys didn’t last long after Fiance and I started dating.

I’m always willing to go out of my way for people.  Always.  Friend, family, etc.  I just never get the same thing back.  I feel so unappreciated at times.  

I feel like a piece of shit.  I wish I knew what I was doing wrong as well, but I honestly don’t know if it is me.  I’m myself majority of the time.  I’m really laid back, sarcastic, funny, etc.  I just want to enjoy life, but no one ever gives me an opportunity.  All I have is Fiance and while I love him, I want to be able to go out and have him miss me since we’re together constantly.

I understand the “get a hobby” speech.  It’s tiring.  I don’t know what more I could possibly do.  I don’t know why people are so turned off by me or won’t even give me a chance.  I think the problem is that most people are so damn clique-y that they don’t want to explore outside of their already formed world/circle.

I thought I found a really good best friend.  She’s my Maid/Matron of Honor.  Ever since I moved a bit away (not too far) to be with Fiance, it seems as if we drifted apart.  She rarely answers my texts or even checks in on how I’m doing.  I’m always initiating.  I understand she’s a single working mom, but there has to be times where she can at least send a little something.

I’m sorry if this is too long and I’m thread-jacking.  I just know how much it hurts. I can’t stand it anymore myself.  I’m almost in tears right now thinking about it – feeling both of our pains.

If you ever need someone to talk to, please PM me.  I’ll be here for you whenever.

(hugs)

Post # 8
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@melisslp: It’s not necessarily trying so hard when it’s the type of person that you are.

I always have people at work, school, etc that will talk to me as well, but no one will ever go beyond that boundary.  I remember as soon as I was done with my two year school – I was never contacted by the girls from school anymore though we were so close during our two years together.  They all ended up going to the same college afterwards and kept in touch.  I was officially an outsider.

Talk about heartbreaking.

Post # 9
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Corilee13:  I think that @melisslp: has the right idea.  People might see the trying so hard bit and run the other way because they think that you’ll be clingy (I’m not saying that’s right; it just might be their interpretation).  Joining a running group might be a great way to meet people.

I’m sorry this has been your friend experience…it sounds incredibly lonely.  🙁  

Are you friends with your FI’s friends?

If you trust him to be honest, you could always ask your Fiance if he thinks you are “doing anything wrong”….not that I think that you are, but it might be good to have another perspective.

Post # 11
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

You sound like a nice girl with interesting hobbies and I’m sure you don’t smell! It also sounds like you make friends easily and that is good. But you are choosing the wrong kind. True friends don’t let buy them a bunch of stuff and then blow you off.

Please don’t be offended by what I’m going to say but you are being a doormat and letting people walk all over you. You don’t need to “buy” your friends. And friendship should be a two way street, so when you’re making all the effort and they’re doing nothing, time for you to split.

There are a lot of selfish jerks in the world who will take advantage of a nice person like you. STOP letting them. Improve your self-esteem and have an “I deserve better” attitude and once you like yourself more, better friendships should be easier to find.

Post # 12
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve been a loner for most of my life, due to moving around quite a bit and such.  It can be difficult and depressing to spend quite a bit of time alone.

I don’t know you personally, so I don’t know what you’re putting out there – it may be nothing on your part and you’re just not finding people that you really mesh well with.  I’ve been blessed with one good friend that I met in high school, but beyond that I only have acquaintances – not many people I spend a lot of time with.  It’s difficult for me to find people that not only share my interests, but people that get my personality and make me feel comfortable.

 

Think about these people that you’re hung out with before, whom you gave money too – why did you want to be friends with them? What did you talk about with them? Were you just latching on to anyone that was there, or did you feel a real connection there?  It could be that people feel you want to hang out with anyone that will give you the time of day, and not them in particular.  

Can you talk to your sisters about this? Is there a family member that knows you that can be frank with you about this?  I would try to have a conversation with a family member that would be honest with me about this issue, and try not to take offense to what they say.  I feel like this comes down to a lack of confidence in your part – you feel like something is wrong with you so maybe that’s what you’re putting out there.

Also, what about your FI’s friends? Are there other couples that he knows you can interact with? Sometimes good friendships come from meeting you FI’s friends.

Hope this helps! 

Post # 13
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Corilee13: I PMed you.

Do you find that you relate more to an older audience than those your age?

Post # 16
Member
7404 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

ok three thoughts come to mind-

1) Are you close enough to your sisters to ask what is up?  Maybe they have an explanation for you- as they are doing some of the blowing off it appears.

2) Are you just picking the wrong kind of people to try to be friends with?  I fear I might be one of those people who “doesn’t want to hang out”.  I honestly enjoy being alone.  I want to do whatever it is (work, hobby etc) and then I want to go home and unwind.  I have politely (I hope) turned down many offers -sometimes multiple ones from the same people- not because I dont like them, but thats just how I am.

3) Some of the people you describe do not sound like true friends anyway.  Sometimes it is better to be alone than be used.

The topic ‘So tired of this…Long sorry but I need to talk to someone’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors