(Closed) So tired of this…Long sorry but I need to talk to someone

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

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@Rouquine:  If you scroll back a bit and look at the OP’s second comment within the thread, she said  – God I have even tried to bribe people to be my friend with “I’ll pay for everything if you just come hang out with me”. –  This to me, seems unnatural and not just a form of being “nice”.  Yes, it’s nice to buy someone a pair of earrings…but, to buy them their entire wardrobe or something is too much.  I believe friendships are all about a natural connection and bond where you’re able to communicate freely. 

P.S. I am just offering my advice.  Not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. 
 

Post # 18
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

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@2ndtimeacharm and rubick:  Very well said!  Great advice and questions to ask oneself.  I think this will help our Bee-Family.  Smile

Post # 21
Member
9478 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@Corilee13: My brothers/cousins do the same to me.  We used to be a really, really close family.  I was told to not let it bother me because people do grow up and go their separate ways, but we’re family.  We should make time for each other.

Post # 22
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

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@Corilee13:  Thanks for sharing that with me.  It’s probably best to set a “date” first and then offer to buy something once you’re there.  This is always a pleasant surprise!    This actually just happened to me yesterday!  I met up with a friend/co-worker to start setting up our classrooms.  We went to Chick-Fil-A for lunch and “out of the blue”, she offered to pay for my lunch.  It was so sweet of her and unexpected.  Try that method next time, my Bee friend.  Smile

Post # 24
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I wish I had advice for you, but I don’t because I’m pretty much in the exact same situation, and if I knew how to fix it I would tell you! I’ve never really had close girlfriends either. There was one girl I worked with last year and we hung out quite a bit, I gave her rides while her car was in the shop for months, bought her Christmas presents, etc. I thought we got along great but then she moved to a different job in January so it wasn’t so easy for us to see each other and I’ve only seen her once or twice since then. (We live like 10 mins from each other.) For awhile she didn’t answer my fb messages or texts; recently she started answering and said she wants to have lunch but when I try to set up a time she never gets back to me. So I’m pretty much giving up because from the start of that friendship all the effort has come from me. I quit my job of three years last month and so have started to lose touch with a lot of people there that I thought were my friends even outside of work but apparently not. Right now there are only two girls that I can really call my friends – and by friends I mean they text to see how I’m doing, answer my messages, and actively make some effort to hang out occasionally. I rarely go out anywhere since I have nobody to go with and spend most of my nights alone on the couch. I’m hoping it will get better as I get older and my peers get more responsible, but I don’t know.

Post # 25
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I kinda know how you feel.  I have friends but they are all consumed in their own lives.  I had one friend in college and we were always trying to get a group together to go out and no one ever wanted to do anything but sit in their apartment and watch a movie.  Which is fun sometimes but not EVERY weekend.  

I also think I attract flakey people.  I’ve always been the type of person who if I agree to do something, I’m going to do it no matter what else comes up.  I used to think everyone else is like that too and when people cancelled on me it was because they didn’t like me.  But after years and years of this I now think it’s just that a lot of people aren’t considerate and don’t think about others naturally.  I know that sounds mean, but I don’t know how else to word it.  It sounds like maybe you are the type of person who can easily invest and commit to relationships, and most people (in my opinion) aren’t like that.  So I don’t have any advice for you-sorry!- but want you to know you aren’t alone!  I agree with PPs and picking the wrong type of friends.  :-/

Post # 26
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2012
Post # 28
Member
2575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Gosh.

 

I wish I lived close to you, I would be your friend! And most certainly NOT for what I could get out of you.

((hugs))

Post # 29
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am in the same boat – i changed schools 3 times in my schooling life due to my parents not being happy with it – and yes, as a teenage girl it isnt easy making friends when ur shy and new … hence the fact that i too now have no friends …. and to make  matters worse – there was a huge fight in the family btwn my parents and my aunts and uncles that i dont even now have family (except for my mum, dad and bro but they r all totally annoying and psycho) ………… and yes – my Fiance is my best friend in the whole entire world ….

All i can say is dont worry bout it – dont buy ppl things, dont try too hard and dont go chasing them – im not sure how old u r but im assuming ur in ur 20s like me – by this stage everyone has their own group of friends already and they r pretty tight nit – all ppl u meet will be only acquantances … dont get too upset bout it coz ull just get sad all the time …

do what i do and if ur not spending time with the Fiance then get a pet or go to the gym or shop …. i do things on my own all the time and its kinds nice – altho yes i always still do wich i had friends but hey – that was the life that was paved for me 🙁 … move on and enjoy ur future life with ur Fiance 🙂

Post # 30
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I just want to throw out another perspective, I am in introvert who is also extremely upbeat – I hate negativity. My personality type is INTJ.

I find it difficult to connect with people as it is, but those whom I do, for the first months are on a short leash, if they start becoming a chore to be around by being overly negative, I cut ties with them, I find negativity extremely draining and I can not be around it.

Unfortunately I have found many people are inherently negative about their lives, work etc – which must suck for them 🙂 but I am not going to waste my time listening to them whinge about their lives. I dont tell people to stop being negative because thats not my place, but I stop hanging out with them.

Is there something in your attitude turning people away?

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