(Closed) So tired of this…Long sorry but I need to talk to someone

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Aw, that sucks. If you are ever in the GTA come and hang out. I go through phases of that. Just sort of take it one day at a time. Try not to focus on the lost relationships and just try and make new ones.

Post # 33
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Have you tried meet-up groups? They are usually a good place to find people who have a similar interest so you know you have something in common. Don’t go in looking for close friends, just go hoping for a nice time socializing with others and see what happens. You may find, if you keep going to the same group with the same people, those people develop into friends especially if you have other shared interests.

Also, if you would feel comfortable. Maybe post where you are on here. There might be another bee near you interested in grabbing coffee or hanging out by the pool and getting to know you better.

I recently moved to a new city and it’s hard to make friends. I’m totally consumed by school and it sucks because I’m not close to my classmates so when I do finally have down time and want to hang out, I don’t really have anyone (besides FI) to hang out with. I want to get out and make friends, but I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here, so sadly it seems as though it’s more effort than it’s worth.

Post # 34
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

It sounds as though you have a very giving nature, and that desire to give can bring great rewards if you focus in the right direction. If you donate to a cause you believe in, or help someone who is down on her luck (as you have done in the past), or join in a charitable cause, then do it with no expectations of any return. Just give for the joy of giving and helping. Problems arise when you try to manipulate people into reciprocating with love or friendship or favors. It seems as though we are wired to desire companionship and deep friendship, but it takes a different approach to reach those goals. Wanting too much from a relationship is a killer. I have one friend who is only my friend because I am willing to let her moan about her horrible relationships with other people. Sometimes I sort of zone out while she is going on and on, but eventually she will stop, and we will do something interesting together. She is a very good companion apart from the moaning. But not everyone is ready to put up with her for that reason. If you are not getting the kind of responses you think your efforts deserve, then examine the problem logically. What did you do, and what was the response. If the same response occurs over and over, then don’t do that thing again. Try something else, and note the responses. You might see a pattern developing that you have been unaware of. People probably just drop out of your life without saying anything because they don’t want to hurt your feelings – which, of course, they do by dropping out. So, why do they think you are so sensitive? What can you do or say to reassure them that you will not go off the deep end if they say something blunt to you? Also, as someone else mentioned, at different times of your life you will have different experiences and meet different people who may be more mature than your current acquaintances. I hope what I have said will be helpful, and not hurtful

Post # 36
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am a member of meet up but am soo shy so have not gotten the guts up to go to one yet lol. I introduced my Future Father-In-Law to it and he has gone on a photography meet up, he is a budding photographer, he liked it but not everyone turned up ๐Ÿ™‚

Maybe its an avenue you could explore!?

Post # 37
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Also I can not believe that COW who took your $200 and kicked you out of her wedding party. Thats freaking awful!

Post # 38
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

I wanted to tell you that I’m another Bee in the same situation as you.  Maybe for different reasons.

Ive always been party girl. All my friends were based on that.  Last year I stopped partying and moved away from the dt core, so just popping out for a drink is really tough. And now, no friends.  My three closest ones? Not one is coming to my wedding.  We don’t have anything in common anymore even if we did hang out to be truthful.  I would be So happy to meet someone with somethings in common, like going for hikes with the dog, fishing, bbqing with a beer or two, watching chick flicks and wedding shows. 

My Fiance is deployed with the Army and I am missing him something fierce and losing my friendships around the same time as resulted in crushing loneliness.  Deep down, Im very depressed and sad, though I hide it well.

I hope that you can meet someone soon.  I know how hard it is and I feel for you

 

Post # 39
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I guess when I say get a hobby, I don’t mean to meet people. I just mean to get yourself occupied. I plan on taking up painting canvas after the garage is built and the baby is born.

I think a lot of Bees on here can relate. I sort of think it is part of what draws them to coming here so much. Not always, but a lot of the time… In my theory.

I still feel your lonely pain though. I talk to my cats and dog when my husband is busy, and I see something funny on TV. I think I just randomly started doing it, and they seem to appreciate the attention, hah, so I didn’t bother trying to curb the habit.

Post # 40
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Oneeleven: *hugs* wow, thats probably one of the most relatable posts I have read on the bee to how I was feeling when I got engaged…I was a party girl too

๐Ÿ™‚ It gets better, I promise! Both to you and the OP. I get sad too, but try to keep busy, and the way I look at it….its the phase in your life where you have found that one person who will always stick around…and you want the kind of friendships that do the same, but the old ones werent those kinds of relationships, because you werent looking for it before. It happens alot, now you just have to get yourself out there to see where people who want lasting friendships are. I have made life long friendships on the bee, it really helped me meet people and interact with them. Im pretty sure I will be inviting some to my wedding, and even though they might not make it, the fact that I have those kinds of bonds feels awesome for me. Its also helped me form bonds outside of WB, and just get into the swing of things again. Im much happier now because of it.

Dont feel like you have to rush into finding friends, or feel like you are nothing without them. I rather wait until my life changes a bit more so I can interact with more people (I just got a job! THat’ll help me with meeting new people).

Maybe you can get used to loving yourself on your own for a bit. I know that sounds hard when you are so lonely, but the time will come when you are a lot more social and busy.

Post # 41
Member
10713 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your life sounds exactly like mine. =( My Fiance is all I have. People are friends when they need something, no one ever wants to go anywhere with me. I don’t know how many people are actually going to show up to our wedding… I have nightmares everynight. 

Post # 42
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yup, right there with ya’ll. 

Now, that’s not to say I don’t have an open invitation for gaming with a few friends, but it’s so hard to do when you’ve got two kids.  The last time I was home on a weekend without the kids, I went and watched fireworks with a friend… at his invitation. 

Other than that, the few friends I DO have either have weird working schedules, kids (one of my BM’s), or lives too far away and works during the week also.  Makes it hard to hang out with friends…. and it sucks when our kids are staying at my parents.

I am fortunate in that the friends I do have, though they live so far away, will chat with me on IM, will text, email, and are people who invite me to things, despite the kids.  Heck, they often say “bring the kids”!!! 

I’m soooo sorry you’re having to deal with this, because I know what it’s like!!!  Having no friends to come over and hang with, or help with wedding stuff (only happened with one Bridesmaid or Best Man ONCE), or do stuff with SUCKS.  I’m hoping when the kids are older, it’ll be different. 

Lots of hugs!!!!!

Post # 43
Member
5092 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Corilee13: Sending you HUGE hugs.  Hugs hugs hugs.  I know how hard it can be.

There are SO MANY people in your position. The trouble is, they’re all alone, so they don’t find each other!  That’s exactly how my husband is. He wants more friends, and he tries…but somehow it just doesn’t work. There is NOTHING wrong with him, just like I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with you.  He’s so brilliant, and funny, and anyone who’s known him for a long time knows that…but none of them live around here. And he can be kind of awkward at parties, meeting new people, etc., because he’s nervous. It makes him feel so bad about himself – he once said to me that he sometimes feels like our cat is one of his closest friends, and that makes him feel like a loser. But he’s not…it’s just hard.

I don’t have a solution, but I just wanted to send you some good thoughts. I know a lot of people meet friends online these days, through boards devoted to similar interests, gaming, etc.  I’ve never done it, but I hear it can be great.

Also – would it be possible to get a dog?  In addition to companionship, you could take it to the dog park and hang out with people there.

Post # 44
Member
5092 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Corilee13: p.s. This might sound weird, but could you ask one of your parents (whichever one you’re closer to, if you’re close to either of them) about it?  Maybe they would have some insight.

Post # 45
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I can totally relate and I know how bad it sucks. However, I have not always been like this. I was a socialite (mainly becuase I was a crazy partier) but now that I have calmed down its like no one wants to hang out with me. We recently moved and so its even worse. Darling Husband is my only friend that lives within 300 miles of me…. I have one friend that lives 300 miles away. thats about it. I think the same things that you do. Why doesnt anyone want to be my friend? I also have fun hobbies like you but always do them alone or with Darling Husband. I am so sorry that people use you. ๐Ÿ™ that is awful! Do you happen to llve in Chicago? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Oh, I have recently started using meetup.com and am going to my first meetup soon! YOu should check it out!

Post # 46
Member
6350 posts
Bee Keeper

I just want to give all of you a big hug.

I second the recommendation for meetup. I met some really fun, cool people through the site. My mom even met her best two friends there.

If it’s any consolation to all of you, I think you are all pretty darn wonderful. 

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