(Closed) so torn… (LONG)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think I would be willing to entertain continuing a friendship with her until she gets help for her alcohol and anger problems.

Counseling/anger management and AA are what come to mind.

There is never an excuse for physical violence.  “I’m sorry, I was drunk” is a total cop out.

Post # 4
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think it was a series of drunken-related events that escalated way too far.  I think you said it well when you said is an hour of bad drunken decision making worth losing a friendship of 10 years?!  IMO, no, not at all.  No, it does not excuse her behavior, and no physical violence is NEVER ok.  However, what did she do to you?!  You were a witness to all of this, not the victim.  I would completely understand if the two who were the victims dropped out, but not really you.  In that regards, it sounds that maybe you have already let a few people influence your decision?!

Now, going forward, she has apologized – the bride – to you. I would now make the time to sit her down and tell her that it is a) unacceptable.  b) uncomfortable, and c) if she ever drinks to the point she becomes violent, then it could ruin your friendship!  And then, move on from it.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
902 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t have any friends that are girls besides my cousins and we don’t drink… so I can’t really say what I would do or feel but I can suggest this..

Is this normal behavior for the bride and her sister when they are drinking?  If so, then you shouldn’t be so shocked.  And secondly, that is not the kind of behavior I would want to be around.

If it is not, then it could just be the alcohol because some people are just stupid when they drink.  She has reached out and apologized to you, has she apologized to the other BMs?

Why not ALL of you get together and sit down and TALK through this WITHOUT ALCOHOL!  10 years is a long time and it is hard to say if its worth throwing away over a situtaion that we dont know the full details on.

I hope you the best of luck!!

 

Post # 7
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@myfavouritechords

And that makes sense, certainly!!  I just know, from personal experience, I have seen my best friends get completely outta control, of which made me uncomfortable, due to alcohol.  I always have been a firm believer in communicating the issues, and coming to a resolution (in any close relationship) before walking away.  If you sit her down, and she is defensive, then I would walk away.  If you sit her down, and she is open to what you have to say, and the boundaries you set, I would give it another chance?!  If you are absolutely uncomfortable being in the wedding, then she would have to understand/see that is a consequence to her behavior.  However, I would still consider going to her wedding.  Again, my opinion completely!!

Post # 8
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Dunno if you live in the same city as the bride/wedding, but I’d back out of being a bridesmaid but go to the wedding and sit in the back, and maybe not be there for the reception.

You don’t want to throw away a relationship, but it’s not you who crossed the line- that was a decision made by the bride and her sister.

ps: GAH. What is wrong with people where they start punching/attacking their supposed FRIENDs??

Post # 9
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

With two black eyes, I would think that T could have gone after the bride and her sister for assault.

Is the bride remorseful for what happened or is this “oh i had too much to drink no big deal” sort of thing? 

Post # 10
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I see that you’ve already taken down the main post, but I just want to reply briefly.

I’m interested to know if you have ever seen her act out like this before either with or without influence. It seems strange if this is the first time in the 10 years you’ve been friends that something like this has happened. Not that it excuses her behavior, just another piece to the puzzle.

I know you probably don’t really want to publically discuss this anymore, so feel free to PM me if you want. Happy to talk about it with you privately if you wish. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow.  I am sorry you had to be a part of this.  What a mess.  I guess I would have to ask, is this something that has happened before — poor judgement and violence when drinking?  If it hasn’t been an issue, then maybe it was severe stress and alcohol to make a horrible one-time combo.  I would def never be friendly towards the sister (sounds like she’s TOTALLY out of control) but if this is one of your better friends, then I would go to the wedding, but not be a bridesmaid.  You don’t have to do the “all or nothing” approach with this by the time of the wedding.  Go, and afterwards see if you can patch things up.  If you don’t go, then there is a limited chance that you’ll ever work things out.

Yikes.  Good luck.

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