- 5 years ago
Fiance and I work in the same job at the same company in the Midwest and started on the same day. Fiance is really unhappy with the job and has started looking/applying for positions elsewhere (namely in DC). I, on the other hand, would like to stay at this job for another several years. I am about a year away from being given a major opportunity that I’ve been working towards for the last few years, and I have told Fiance that I would like to have, at a minimum, 5 years at this job before going elsewhere. We make great salaries and we also just signed a lease on a rental home for a year starting next month. Less than 6 months ago, Fiance was set on staying in this city/state long term so he could pursue political office, but now he’s making moves.
He had an interview for a job last week, and has a follow up interview next week, potentially followed by an in person interview. If he gets the job, he would want to start as soon as August. I could probably go remote for my job, but only for about another year as they wouldn’t re-staff me after my current project is done. This would mean that I would be sacrificing that big opportunity that I’ve been working for and have been told is coming next year. I don’t want to stay in this city forever, and we were both planning to find a non-travel job in a few years once we have kids, but the plan was never to jump ship this soon. I don’t want Fiance to be miserable, and I know that all of the travel that we currently do would be hard on our marriage, but I feel like this is a big ask from Fiance. Obviously nothing is set in stone until he has a job in hand, but even if he doesn’t get this opportunity, he is set on getting a new job in DC.
Pros of moving:
-I get to live somewhere warmer and in a city I would enjoy more
-FI is happier with his job
-We move before kids ever enter the picture
-I have time to settle into a new career and to requalify for FMLA and short term disability insurance benefits before TTC
-We are no longer both traveling 50-75% of the time (though I would still travel the same amount)
-DC has good job opportunities and I would have almost a year to find another job
Cons of moving:
-I have to find a new job within the next year
-There is no guarantee that I will be allowed to go remote
-Cost of living is much higher
-I sacrifice the position I’ve been working so hard to secure
-I don’t qualify for some of the benefits I would get after 5 years at my job (free health insurance, month long sabbatical to a foreign country, stock appreciation rights) or have the 5 year minimum I wanted before looking for a new job
-FI and I will both likely take pay cuts in any new job
-If we get pregnant within the first year of starting a new job, we aren’t covered with FMLA or ST Disability
-We have to break our lease 10 months early
-I worry that I’ll be setting a precedent that I’ll just move whenever Fiance wants to go somewhere new or get a new job. I’ll be sacrificing my career for his, at least in the short term, and I worry I could resent him for that.
We have talked about this, and I mentioned that he needs to consider me in this too. I don’t want to be selfish, and I know that him being miserable is bad for our relationship, but I also don’t want to make a mistake or sacrifice TOO much of myself for him. FWIW, I make slightly more than he does, and moving careers would likely mean a paycut for him, not to mention a perceived pay cut in general since DC is so expensive in comparison. I am so torn–what would the bees do?