(Closed) So torn over potential move for FI–Help!

posted 4 years ago in Career
Post # 2
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Hi bee! I may be a little sour on this subject because my fiance and I broke up, but please make sure that wherever you are moving, it is a MUTUAL decision. Ask yourself “If I was there alone would I be okay with it?” I moved for my now ex Fiance, and it was the worst decision I ever could have made. I am now in a town I hate with none of my friends and family around me. 

I’m not saying breakups happen to everyone because they definitely are the exception, but don’t make yourself miserable for his happiness. Best wishes!

Post # 3
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

liaeona:  

I would not make a potentially career-breaking detour for a BF/FI; I would for a Darling Husband. Just my $0.02.

Best wishes, Bee.

 

eta: But I know that it’s gotta hurt to see my BF/FI make a relationship-ending move for his career. Sigh. Hang in there.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

liaeona:  

Ah, thanks, so you’ll be married by then. Yes, I’d move with my Darling Husband. He was aware of your misgivings but pursued this job anyway? Just curious.

 

Post # 8
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

liaeona:  

Well, you mentioned that you were torn. What is it that bothers you most about being the “secondary” worker in your relationship? 

 

Post # 9
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee

I would discuss all your concerns about moving with him now so he understands how you feel. Even show him the list you posted here, its very good, logical, and thorough. There might be things he hasn’t thought about. Have you started looking for jobs in DC? In case this does happen, you will have at least started the process. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

It’s interesting that you have the same job at the same company and you’re enjoying it so much and on the verge of a major opportunity there, while he is miserable. Is there any chance his sudden change in direction is a result of your being more successful at the position? Like maybe he’s insecure with your success/higher earning and is trying to undermine it (even if subconciously)?

Post # 12
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Did he apply for jobs in different states without telling you? That would be a red flag for me honestly. My $.02 

Post # 15
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

liaeona:  

I hear you. I can identify.

I’m sensing that you feel almost disappointed that he “promised” you a five year timeline in place and now has changed his mind. But that’s not nice. No backsies. Correct? 

Granted, he could carry forward in this job interview as an exploratory gesture, with a high threshold/target that would have to met to even consider relocating you both at this time. You could quantify that with a % salary increase, for example. What figure would appeal to you?

(And full disclosure: I grew up near DC so my salary better be six figures to prompt me to move back there.)

 

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