Post # 1
I’m sure a lot of my fellow ladies in waiting can relate to this particular story:
My SO and I are going away for our one year anniversery on Friday. I have successfully avoided any engagement conversations for the past 5 weeks. How have I been able to do this? By convincing myself it’s going to happen when we go away of course! Giving myself an “end point” to keeping my big mouth shut (a feat in and of itself) is the only reason I’ve been able to do it.
So now that we’re oh-so-close to our vacation, I have to totally switch gears and try to convince myself it’s NOT going to happen to help curtail some of the inevitable dissapointment if it doesn’t. You know, expect the worst, hope for the best.
So now my mind is totally torn. If I spend time convincing myself it’s NOT going to happen it gets harder and harder to keep my mouth shut, but if I convince myself it IS then I’m setting myself for a world of dissapointment if it doesn’t.
Gah! Waiting really REALLY sucks right now! At least I get a week and a half off of work. :p
Post # 3
Try setting a new date to not say anything! I know it’s hard, but if you give yourself a goal and meet it, maybe you could reward yourself with something fun…like a pedicure or something? If you keep giving yourself these mini goals with rewards at the end of them, it might help you not say anything…and could help your time waiting go faster!
Post # 4
You’ll be fine. Just give yourself one week to drop everything waiting related. Try not to convince yourself either way just be like “I’m gonna enjoy my anniversary, have fun and show him just why he chose me” I’m sure if it doesn’t happen you’ll be sad and may feel the need to restrategize but for the time being try to focus on the task at hand having a lovely getaway with SO.
For the record I hope you come back with something sparkly if not there’s lots of other opportunities. Enjoy your trip.
Post # 5
@2PeasinaPod: Good idea. Convince yourself of a new, later date
Post # 6
Try setting a new date to not say anything! I know it’s hard, but if you give yourself a goal and meet it, maybe you could reward yourself with something fun…like a pedicure or something?
Very true. Unfortuantely, I’m a total spa junkie, so I get regular massages, facials,pedicures, ect, already. I’ve already filled up the week following our weekend getaway with them! We’re going away for the weekend then I took the following week off of work to “play housewife” (I’m the primary breadwinner in our house so I know I’ll never actually get to be a housewife or Stay-At-Home Mom, hence the “staycations” I like to take every few months.)
Maybe I’ll bribe myself with some new suits for work or something.
Post # 7
Shopping! If you already do the spa thing, get your butt shopping. New shoes, new dress, new suit, new handbag. Of course, if it doesn’t happen I’d say go for a full spa day. Body wrap, new hair color/style, makeover perhaps, maybe with a girlfriend? Or maybe start thinking about planning a fun beach getaway with a friend or something else that you can look forward to and think about and start planning instead of dwelling on his incessant pokiness. Should take my own advice I think….
Post # 8
Oh how frustrating =)
I would be the same way.
I agree convice yourself of a new date. Think of this as only a a 1 year anniv. vacation and nothing more.
Best of Luck,
Post # 9
I agree with the suggestion to do some shopping to get your mind off it! Go get yourself some really nice new things that you love to distract yourself. Then, instead of focusing on getting proposed to, focus on how much fun you’re going to have on your anniversary. Just enjoy the time you spend with the person you care about most.
Post # 10
I’m really glad you’re getting some time off of work too. You need it. Keep pampering yourself, whatever it takes.
I wish I had advice over not getting my hopes up for the anniversary but I was a mess too, as you know. I found out it’s not happening on the anniversary (tomorrow) and that actually helped. I was disappointed for a bit, of course. I wish I had better advice for you. I know that as soon as this anniversary is over I’ll still have to deal with my expectations, and how to bribe myself to not obsess over it and bug him now that the anniversary thing is off the table. I’m going to worry about it next week, that’s how I’m dealing for now. Because I have dinner tomorrow to look forward to, and then I’m out of town for work. And then this weekend we’re going on a trip that I planned as a surprise for him. So there’s a lot going on. That’s how I’m putting it off. We’ll see how well that works and/or how long it lasts….
And Happy early Anniversary!
Post # 11
First of all, I am impressed that you have gone five weeks without engagement conversations! For me, a week was a huge success.
I can absolutely understand your story. There were so many times that I thought, “Oooh, this is the perfect opportunity for him to propose!” I drove myself nuts countless times. I’m not too familiar with your situation, but have you and your guy talked about when you see things happening? For me, I assumed that my SO and I thought the exact same way (before sitting down and talking about where we see things heading). When we actually had the conversation, that helped me calm down a lot (though I still worked myself up in a tizzy from time to time).
My big piece of advice is to take things at face value. I was the champion of turning things that my SO said into what I wanted them to be, or find some small, minscule thing that could be interpreted into PROPOSAL. As soon as I would feel the engagement wheels starting to turn in my mind, I would tell myself, “Stop, right now, this is just <insert celebration/event here>. You are going to enjoy this for what it is.” With my SO, he said that he wouldn’t propose on a holiday, anniversary, etc., but I managed to tell myself that he was just saying it to throw me off. And, true to his word, he chose a totally random day that surprised me (and I thought I had everything figured out!).
However, back to the original point, when I would self-talk, I found it easier to enjoy the day for what it was. I was a bit upset when it didn’t turn into an engagement, but not nearly as much as I was when I wouldn’t talk to myself like that. I hope that makes sense, and doesn’t make me sound crazy :-).
Post # 12
I found our winter holiday so hard not to get my hopes up about… and it didn’t happen. I sucked it up and just managed to enjoy myself for most of the time. The only time I felt down was when I was out walking by myself when SO was tired at the hotel. Keep busy would be my advice… whatever you need to do to make that happen.
Post # 13
Lezlers – I like the shopping idea – nothing better to get your mind off things than a day at NM hehehe 😉 I also hear you on the primary breadwinner thing, I’m in the same boat.
I’m headed on a trip next week to California. Unfortunately it’s for my SO’s brother’s wedding. Doesn’t look like this will be an opportunity for anything 🙁
Post # 14
Thanks for all your replies, bees! We’re leaving tomorrow. I think I may have done a little TOO good a job convincing myself it’s happening this weekend because I cannot, for the life of me, get it out of my head! Gah!
Just enjoy the trip, just enjoy the trip, just enjoy the trip….
Post # 15
Oh, and I totally just got home from shopping. Didn’t help. 🙁
Post # 16
Definitely just enjoy the trip! Remember Mr. Bee’s plan!! Besides the trip is almost here and there’s nothing you can do if he doesn’t have the ring (except ruin the trip).