(Closed) So torn!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Try setting a new date to not say anything! I know it’s hard, but if you give yourself a goal and meet it, maybe you could reward yourself with something fun…like a pedicure or something? If you keep giving yourself these mini goals with rewards at the end of them, it might help you not say anything…and could help your time waiting go faster!

Post # 4
2317 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

You’ll be fine. Just give yourself one week to drop everything waiting related. Try not to convince yourself either way just be like “I’m gonna enjoy my anniversary, have fun and show him just why he chose me” I’m sure if it doesn’t happen you’ll be sad and may feel the need to restrategize but for the time being try to focus on the task at hand having a lovely getaway with SO.

For the record I hope you come back with something sparkly if not there’s lots of other opportunities. Enjoy your trip.

Post # 5
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

@2PeasinaPod: Good idea.  Convince yourself of a new, later date

Post # 7
1390 posts
Bumble bee

Shopping! If you already do the spa thing, get your butt shopping. New shoes, new dress, new suit, new handbag. Of course, if it doesn’t happen I’d say go for a full spa day. Body wrap, new hair color/style, makeover perhaps, maybe with a girlfriend? Or maybe start thinking about planning a fun beach getaway with a friend or something else that you can look forward to and think about and start planning instead of dwelling on his incessant pokiness. Should take my own advice I think….

Post # 8
398 posts
Helper bee

Oh how frustrating =)

I would  be the same way.

I agree convice yourself of a new date.  Think of this as only a a 1 year anniv. vacation and nothing more.


Best of Luck,

Post # 9
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I agree with the suggestion to do some shopping to get your mind off it! Go get yourself some really nice new things that you love to distract yourself. Then, instead of focusing on getting proposed to, focus on how much fun you’re going to have on your anniversary. Just enjoy the time you spend with the person you care about most.

Post # 10
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’m really glad you’re getting some time off of work too. You need it. Keep pampering yourself, whatever it takes.

I wish I had advice over not getting my hopes up for the anniversary but I was a mess too, as you know. I found out it’s not happening on the anniversary (tomorrow) and that actually helped. I was disappointed for a bit, of course.  I wish I had better advice for you. I know that as soon as this anniversary is over I’ll still have to deal with my expectations, and how to bribe myself to not obsess over it and bug him now that the anniversary thing is off the table.  I’m going to worry about it next week, that’s how I’m dealing for now. Because I have dinner tomorrow to look forward to, and then I’m out of town for work. And then this weekend we’re going on a trip that I planned as a surprise for him. So there’s a lot going on.  That’s how I’m putting it off. We’ll see how well that works and/or how long it lasts….

And Happy early Anniversary!

Post # 11
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012


  First of all, I am impressed that you have gone five weeks without engagement conversations! For me, a week was a huge success.

  I can absolutely understand your story. There were so many times that I thought, “Oooh, this is the perfect opportunity for him to propose!” I drove myself nuts countless times. I’m not too familiar with your situation, but have you and your guy talked about when you see things happening? For me, I assumed that my SO and I thought the exact same way (before sitting down and talking about where we see things heading). When we actually had the conversation, that helped me calm down a lot (though I still worked myself up in a tizzy from time to time).

  My big piece of advice is to take things at face value. I was the champion of turning things that my SO said into what I wanted them to be, or find some small, minscule thing that could be interpreted into PROPOSAL. As soon as I would feel the engagement wheels starting to turn in my mind, I would tell myself, “Stop, right now, this is just <insert celebration/event here>. You are going to enjoy this for what it is.” With my SO, he said that he wouldn’t propose on a holiday, anniversary, etc., but I managed to tell myself that he was just saying it to throw me off. And, true to his word, he chose a totally random day that surprised me (and I thought I had everything figured out!).

 However, back to the original point, when I would self-talk, I found it easier to enjoy the day for what it was. I was a bit upset when it didn’t turn into an engagement, but not nearly as much as I was when I wouldn’t talk to myself like that. I hope that makes sense, and doesn’t make me sound crazy :-).

Post # 12
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I found our winter holiday so hard not to get my hopes up about… and it didn’t happen. I sucked it up and just managed to enjoy myself for most of the time. The only time I felt down was when I was out walking by myself when SO was tired at the hotel. Keep busy would be my advice… whatever you need to do to make that happen.

Post # 13
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011


Lezlers – I like the shopping idea – nothing better to get your mind off things than a day at NM hehehe 😉 I also hear you on the primary breadwinner thing, I’m in the same boat.

I’m headed on a trip next week to California. Unfortunately it’s for my SO’s brother’s wedding. Doesn’t look like this will be an opportunity for anything 🙁

Post # 16
375 posts
Helper bee

Definitely just enjoy the trip! Remember Mr. Bee’s plan!! Besides the trip is almost here and there’s nothing you can do if he doesn’t have the ring (except ruin the trip).

Have fun!

The topic ‘So torn!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors