(Closed) So torn…IDK what in the h*** to do…advice please

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7656 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

The thing is you don’t know if automatically everything will just be perfect, even if you did it years ago. I think you are just tied of the waiting game right now, and that is why all of this is going on. Waiting is a tough thing, and it sounds like your FI and yourself aren’t really on the same page. It is also tough when you think you may have conception problems. Don’t let that be a factor though. there are many procedures and surgeries out there now to help conceive a child.

Something that you may want to do is if you aretired of playing the waiting game, give your SO 1 year or whatever to propose and if he doesn’t then you may have to make a tough decision.

But in all honesty, I think this “friend” is causing a lot of problems when he should be keeping himself out of it. I’m not too fond of him from what I have read. He honestly shouldn’t be telling you all of this stuff when he knows you are in a serious relationship. I would have a conversation with him because if he says something to your SO or he keeps teetering on the fine line, you and your SO may have bigger problems to worry about.

Post # 4
Member
10368 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

1. doesn’t matter how the friend is acting because it makes him, to some degree, a sleazy married guy hitting on his friend – which means he is not committment/relationship material and you missed out on nothing.

2. If your boyfriend can’t have an adult relationship discussion about your future and actually talk about where he sees you guys and when after 5 years, yes – it’s time to move on.

 

Post # 5
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sounds like NONE of you are ready for marriage…eesh.

 

Post # 6
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@crayfish:  This.  !!!!!!!!!!  Especially your #1 item.  Good grief. 

OP:  You dodged a bullet, you don’t want that guy – he’s trying to get you to help him cheat on his wife.

Post # 8
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your friend needs to back off, perhaps settling down has him spooked and he is looking for some excitement. Not malicious, but not healthy or helpful. There is no guarantee that you could ‘walk into his arms’, who knows what would happen when he has to face a divorce and you, a painful split. 

I agree with most of the other posters about you and SO. I think discount this friend and be clear how you want to move on. Good luck!

 

Post # 9
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

ps. I didn’t see your post! All the best. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you would be wise to tell you friend to stop, it sounds like he’s moving in if you ask me. Maybe just take a little break from wedding talk. Chances are you bf was feeling pressured from your friend not just you. The thing is once you decide how long your willing to wait for him to be ready the pressure will be on anyway. Does he seem close to being ready?

Post # 12
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@kansas_nurse:   I hope all of this leads to a proposal from your
SO for you very soon!  Please be honest with him and tell him you’re getting fed up with waiting and being put off.  You deserve to know his exact intentions and timeline.  Marriage should be a joint decision.

Post # 13
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@kansas_nurse:  don’t let your SO string you along- I agree with a PP that waiting a year for a nailed down yes or no to eventual marriage and kids is reasonable. Anything after that is a waste of your time. This friend sounds like trouble, and I wouldn’t let him get inside your head. It sounds like he jumps in to save the day (when your ex hit you, telling you that you deserve marriage when he knows you so desperately crave it), to look like such a great guy, but really has ulterior motives. I would try to limit contact for a while and focus on your relationship with your SO. him hearing about all this contact with your sleazy friend can’t be easy on him, either. Maybe he thnks you still have feelings for him, and that’s why he’s hesitating to commit?? Not sure. Just a thought?

Post # 15
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Wow, your friend is really sleezy. If he is married, he shouldn’t hit on ANYONE. Especially on his WEDDING DAY. He should not be giving relationship advice. If he says anything to you, I’d say, “you may have put a ring on it, but I am way more dedicated to my SO than you will ever be to your wife.” Marriage doesn’t mean a happy relationship, and it makes me sick that he thinks his 4 month relationship is more significant than your 5 year one.

I think part of the reason your SO got upset the other day is because he was feeling attacked about his intentions with you, and it got his back up. I’d wait about 2 weeks for the dust to settle and have a big chat with him. Let him know getting married it a non-negotiable for you. If you say he’s almost ready to propose, I wish you all the best!

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