Post # 1
When my fiance and I were looking at venues my best friend of 16 years asked me to let him know when we had a date because our wedding would be a few months before his, and he wanted to plan accordingly.
I let him know as soon as we booked, and then sent the save the dates out shortly after that (this happened a few months ago). He called me yesterday and said that his mom booked his fiancee’s bridal shower the weekend of my wedding and that neither of them will be attending because he will have to entertain family. I am genuinely heart broken about this.. I didn’t say much in way of a response on the phone, but now part of me is angry that he wouldn’t try to change the date, and the other part of me just wants to let it go any not say anything.
Can anyone help me? My fiance is out of the country and I can’t talk to him about it
Post # 2
well that kinda sucks. Why ask if he wasn’t going to work around the date, right? I say Let it go. It sounds like his mom already has this planned out and there is not much you can do about it. At least you will have other friends and family around you that day. Assuming that this is a decent sized wedding.
Post # 3
He probably had no input whatsoever on the date of the shower and I could see it being very difficult for him to try to change the date after the fact. It is very sad your good friend won’t be able to make it, but I see it as something to be sad about, not mad.
Post # 4
Sorry to hear this. I personally think a shower can easily be changed, and I personally would ask my family member not to book that date because you have another engagement to attend. Family members who throw showers should be asking their schedule!!!! Especially since you aren’t getting married until October!!!! I would let him know how you feel and that you are sad that he is missing your wedding. If he doesn’t see what he can do, and it doesn’t get changed, I would just know that you tried and others who are close to you will be there on your special day.
Post # 5
ugh that sucks. A bridal shower date can easily be moved and its not something that takes months to plan. And I agree with vanessa1359:
why ask the date if you werent going to work around it? He should have told his mom to let him know dates she was thinkig of
Post # 6
to me, if this is your best friend then you need better friends.
Post # 7
While I definitely feel for you, are you sure he’s the one scheduling his own shower? Usually the showers are scheduled by a family member as it’s rude for the own person to schedule their own.
Post # 8
doesn’t sound like a “best friend of 16yrs” to me, a best friend would do everything they could to be at your wedding- especially if he says the shower is booked for the same weekend, HELLO! your wedding is a few hours of 1 night! They can excuse themselves for a few hours!
I wouldn’t accept this behavior from my friends. And honestly I would kind of look it as him cutting off the friendship, maybe he’s trying to distance himself from you and focus all of his time on his bride. I’ve had guys do this to me, they get engaged/married and then suddenly we can’t be friends anymore b/c I’m a girl and there’s now B.S. boundaries eventho our friendships were never inappropriate. Either his fiancee is jealous or he’s always has some small lingering feelings for you that he’s trying to avoid.
Post # 9
Tough situation…changing the date might be out of his hands. If he’s generally a really good friend who is there for you etc., I would just let this go and chalk it up to bad timing that he can’t control. I’m sorry he won’t be able to be there though 🙁
Post # 10
Well I would be upset too – I mean what was the point of asking yoru for the date in the first place! I get that his mum did the organising , but why did he not immediately say “oh no ,we can’t do that day, OP is getting married” . I;d frankly ask him and then ask him to ask her to change the date.
There may be something else going on of course as a pp has suggested . Even if he forgot , surely his fiancee would have said , isn’t that the day we are going to that wedding ? We got the STD months ago”
Post # 11
This is so weird. Is it a couples’ shower happening at night (both of which are pretty unusual as far as showers go, since they’re usually for the ladies and take place during the day)? If not, then there’s no real conflict between the shower and your wedding. If he’s saying he can’t get away from his family for a few hours to attend the wedding of his best friend of 16 years, that’s some bullshit.
I agree with the PPs who think that his Fiance is probably trying to create distance between him and OP, which sounds insecure and also totally unnecessary, given the fact that OP clearly has her own relationship and isn’t trying to move in on the best friend.
Post # 12
Yep all of that.
The reason he is not going to your wedding has little to nothing to do with his own wedding shower.
Post # 13
His excuse for not going seems very suspicious. A bridal shower is usually only 2 hours long and in the early afternoon. I’m not sure what time of day your wedding is starting at, but there should be no reason why he can’t come to your wedding. Even if his family is in town, he should at least be able to attend the ceremony.
Post # 14
I don’t see why he can not come to the wedding. Bridal showers are normally just for the bride and earlier in the day.
Post # 15
If your wedding (and the shower) are in October, there’s time to change it. But obviously it’s up to your friend to do so. I would be extremely disappointed in the friendship. I’m generally not bothered or hurt if friends can’t come to my events, but I think something like this would seriously damage the relationship. There’s really no excuse. If they have family coming over the weekend, they (or he, if the shower is during the wedding) can work around that.