(Closed) So upset!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee

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PenelopeHarp:  well that kinda sucks. Why ask if he wasn’t going to work around the date, right? I say Let it go. It sounds like his mom already has this planned out and there is not much you can do about it. At least you will have other friends and family around you that day. Assuming that this is a decent sized wedding. 

Post # 3
Member
8408 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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PenelopeHarp:  He probably had no input whatsoever on the date of the shower and I could see it being very difficult for him to try to change the date after the fact. It is very sad your good friend won’t be able to make it, but I see it as something to be sad about, not mad.

Post # 4
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Sorry to hear this.  I personally think a shower can easily be changed, and I personally would ask my family member not to book that date because you have another engagement to attend.  Family members who throw showers should be asking their schedule!!!!  Especially since you aren’t getting married until October!!!!  I would let him know how you feel and that you are sad that he is missing your wedding.   If he doesn’t see what he can do, and it doesn’t get changed, I would just know that you tried and others who are close to you will be there on your special day. 

Post # 5
Member
5136 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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PenelopeHarp:  ugh that sucks. A bridal shower date can easily be moved and its not something that takes months to plan. And I agree with 
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vanessa1359:  why ask the date if you werent going to work around it? He should have told his mom to let him know dates she was thinkig of

Post # 6
Member
1517 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

to me, if this is your best friend then you need better friends.

Post # 7
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

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PenelopeHarp:  While I definitely feel for you, are you sure he’s the one scheduling his own shower?  Usually the showers are scheduled by a family member as it’s rude for the own person to schedule their own.

Post # 8
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

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PenelopeHarp:  doesn’t sound like a “best friend of 16yrs” to me, a best friend would do everything they could to be at your wedding- especially if he says the shower is booked for the same weekend, HELLO! your wedding is a few hours of 1 night! They can excuse themselves for a few hours!

I wouldn’t accept this behavior from my friends. And honestly I would kind of look it as him cutting off the friendship, maybe he’s trying to distance himself from you and focus all of his time on his bride. I’ve had guys do this to me, they get engaged/married and then suddenly we can’t be friends anymore b/c I’m a girl and there’s now B.S. boundaries eventho our friendships were never inappropriate. Either his fiancee is jealous or he’s always has some small lingering feelings for you that he’s trying to avoid.

Post # 9
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

Tough situation…changing the date might be out of his hands. If he’s generally a really good friend who is there for you etc., I would just let this go and chalk it up to bad timing that he can’t control. I’m sorry he won’t be able to be there though 🙁

Post # 10
Member
10489 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Well I would  be upset too – I mean  what was  the point of asking yoru for the date in the first place!   I get that his  mum did the organising , but why did he not immediately say “oh no ,we can’t do that day,  OP is getting married” . I;d frankly  ask him  and then ask him to ask her to change  the date.

There may be something  else going on of course  as a pp has suggested . Even if he forgot , surely  his  fiancee would  have said , isn’t that the day we are going to  that wedding ? We got the STD months   ago”    

Post # 11
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

This is so weird. Is it a couples’ shower happening at night (both of which are pretty unusual as far as showers go, since they’re usually for the ladies and take place during the day)? If not, then there’s no real conflict between the shower and your wedding. If he’s saying he can’t get away from his family for a few hours to attend the wedding of his best friend of 16 years, that’s some bullshit.

I agree with the PPs who think that his Fiance is probably trying to create distance between him and OP, which sounds insecure and also totally unnecessary, given the fact that OP clearly has her own relationship and isn’t trying to move in on the best friend.

Post # 12
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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FantasticFawn:  Yep all of that.

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PenelopeHarp:  The reason he is not going to your wedding has little to nothing to do with his own wedding shower.  

Post # 13
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

His excuse for not going seems very suspicious. A bridal shower is usually only 2 hours long and in the early afternoon. I’m not sure what time of day your wedding is starting at, but there should be no reason why he can’t come to your wedding. Even if his family is in town, he should at least be able to attend the ceremony.

Post # 14
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I don’t see why he can not come to the wedding. Bridal showers are normally just for the bride and earlier in the day.

Post # 15
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee

If your wedding (and the shower) are in October, there’s time to change it. But obviously it’s up to your friend to do so. I would be extremely disappointed in the friendship. I’m generally not bothered or hurt if friends can’t come to my events, but I think something like this would seriously damage the relationship. There’s really no excuse. If they have family coming over the weekend, they (or he, if the shower is during the wedding) can work around that.

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