(Closed) So upset :(

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 213
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@brush1027: I know it’s weird to be giving advice considering the situation I’m in, but what concerns me most about this is not that this doesn’t love you (based on his actions, he doesn’t). It’s that he doesn’t even respect you. He should never have told you that he was sick. He should never have accepted the medicine. He should never have texted, or made you move out, or continued contact with you, frankly, let alone invite someone into your home shortly after that happened. Your fiance is setting you free to find someone who will love, cherish, and respect you (don’t get me wrong, he is doing it in a horrible way). Please take this opportunity for yourself, difficult as it may be.


Post # 214
6458 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Are you going to get a lawyer?  

Post # 215
1441 posts
Bumble bee

@brush1027:  And I HOPE that you will sit by and be in mental place where you can gloat over him struggling to pay all the bills and do all the things that have to be done to make a house run.  

I know you moved out because the house was “his”, but you may have some rights to part of that house simply because you were married.  Because of his behavior, you deserve whatever you can get out of the relationship.  Please see a lawyer.  There is something to be said for keeping it as simple as possible, there is also something to be said for not being a doormat and leaving the relationship with what is due to you.

Post # 216
29 posts
  • Wedding: April 2013

Instead of medicine, get him something along those lines. Then he ll start to respect you and not treat you like a dormat.

Post # 219
6458 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@brush1027:  And that is why you need a lawyer.  He broke his marriage vows, not you.  HE is the one in the wrong, not you.

Post # 220
19 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am so sorry this is happening to you.. believe me eventually he’ll see what he did and realize how much of a mistake it was but sadly men take forever to brighten up 🙁 Karma will come back to him because it always does and i’m sure one day he’ll wake up and notice he left his wife for a STRIPPER.. she’ll probably do exactly what he did to you and when it dawns on him that your the one he should have been with you’ll already have moved on to someone who deserves your love <3  I think because he cheated there could be a way for you to still get the house even if he bought it before the wedding.. this is why you need a lawyer because they know how to get around these rules and know how to give you the best options. I would seriously get a lawyer if I were you.

Post # 221
1047 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I just saw your update and WOW! I guess some of the other bees were right about another woman in the picture.

My Brother-In-Law left his LT Girlfriend for a stripper, who is now my Future Sister-In-Law. Brother-In-Law had “barely” broken up w/exGF and went to a club and met this girl. His reason “my exGF wasn’t having sex w/me.” Ridiculous I tell you! Future Sister-In-Law has since quit stripping (she’s due any day w/twins) b/c Brother-In-Law started to become jealous of her rubbing all over other guys…we told him this would happen but he said he wasn’t the jealous type. He is extremely paranoid now of her starting up her job again.

Your DH will no doubt become jealous of her and it will eat him inside…but that’s his burden. I know you’ve been debating whether or not to stay w/him and work this out. But ask yourself this “IF he were to stop all contact w/her and try to work on the marriage, will YOU be able to get past this?” You might but it’s gonna be a long and painful road…and you are still young and I worry it will literally suck all “hope” out of you.

If it’s definitely over, please please get an attorney and file right away. I think your friend was right about the division of assets in FL but I’d still get legal advice on that one. I was looking it up and found this:

“Gifts, trips, apartment rent, car payments, and dinners for a non-marital partner are all considered a waste of marital assets. The court may reduce the adulterer’s share of martial assets to compensate the other spouse for this waste.”

So if you have a joint account, check to see if he spent money somewhere you don’t recognize. The courts will most likely require you both turn over personal acct. info so if he used that, they will be able to tell.

I’ve been divorced so I know how this goes and since neither of you both have filed, the state doesn’t have a “separation date” to go by and if he’s carrying on w/her like this, he will be screwed!

If you wanna talk, PM me…and be good to yourself!


Post # 222
1580 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@brush1027:  I’m so sorry this is happening to you, what a slimebag! But you know what, his loss is your gain! If this marriage is definitely over, you will, before long, find someone else who can appreciate you and is worthy of your love while he will, without a doubt, soon learn to regret his mistake. 

Like PPs before me have said, do talk to a lawyer. I’m a lawyer but I’m not American so I’m not familiar with the laws in your state. What your friend said about the house and the division of assest sounds realistic to me, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t other advantages you could gain from talking to a professional. If you’re concerned about how much hiring a lawyer would cost you, look online and ask around – some (female) attorneys I know would take on a case like yours pro bono or charge you very little because they would be so outraged! I completely understand you went to get his medicine because you still care for him. That’s why I think it’s all the more important you talk to a lawyer – you need someone who’s on your side but is capable of being firm and not swayed by emotions. He did you wrong and made your life harder in every aspect – do not let him get away with it!!!

Post # 223
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

ITA about talking with a lawyer.  This guy just screwed you over royally in your marriage, please don’t let him do it again financially.  We know the kind of morals he has, so you need to be protected.

I’m pretty sure you don’t want to see any money or other asset that is rightfully yours being enjoyed by ex and the stripper.

Btw, you may have some financial interest in the house even though he bought it before marriage.   If your mortgage payments, repairs, maintenance, etc came out of a joint account to which you contributed, you just may have some interest.  Of course, only an attorney can advise you about that.

We all just want you to take care of yourself and right now that means seeing a lawyer.

Post # 224
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@brush1027:  All I can say is … what a piece of shit.  It’s been 3 weeks since he’s told you he doesn’t love you anymore.  And there’s already another woman in YOUR house?!  What a piece of shit.



I don’t necessarily agree with lawyering up if you think you two can just settle this yourselves.  If you have no rights to the house than that’s that.  You don’t have children together so there’s no custody battle or child support issues.  I say get all of your belongings and split.  Split like there’s no tomorrow.  I understand you still love him and you still want to take care of him.  But let him be the one to file for divorce if you don’t want it.  Let him be the bad guy here (since he is).  That stripper doesn’t mean shit to him (excuse my language but I’m pissed!!!).  He will realize what he’s done.  You will have dreams about it, you will feel sick about it for a long time.  But you need to take care of yourself.

Post # 225
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honey, you do not need to be his default.  You are worth alot more than that and you deserve to be someones first and only choice for life. DO NOT let him decide to cheat on you with some hoe, and then come crawling back when he realizes his life was easier with you. 

He should be with you because he was happier with you, NOT because you made him dinner and took care of him. 

Stop contacting him. Know you are worthy of love and being loved COMPLETELY. Start the divorce process. 

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