(Closed) So upset about this situation with S.I.L. … how would you handle it?

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I agree w/ Mr. Bee. Have your FH deal with things moving forward… But if I were in your shoes, that unwanted lady would not be there come wedding day.

Post # 19
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Awww.  I think you just made my day, MsHR.

Post # 20
5493 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know you’ve already smoothed things over and that’s great.  But seriously, where does you Future Sister-In-Law get off inviting people to YOUR (plural), wedding?  Is she married?  If not, I would invite your friends to her wedding.  A little vindictive but……>:-)

Post # 21
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Ugh, that sounds awful. =/ If it helps any, I’m on your side the whole way. Your Future Sister-In-Law should not get to expect to have every person on her invite list OK-ed — she shouldn’t even have expected an invite list!

I would give your Future Sister-In-Law an ultimatum: either she calms down, or that person is definitely getting axed from the list.

Post # 22
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I’m so glad this seems to be resolving satisfactorily, but should something like this ever happen again, my question to you would be, if this girl had been just some random friend and not the cousin of your worst enemy, would you have let her come? I am guessing yes, since you’re letting the other FSIL-friends come.

It seems very Romeo-and-Juliet to say you hate a whole family just because one person in it did something reprehensible.  If someone held me accountable for the actions of my first cousins (or even my sisters! or parents!) I would be really upset. We can’t help who we’re related to. You can just make the best of what you’re dealt. Glad it’s turning out okay.

Post # 23
62 posts
Worker bee

I agree with what’s been said – you SIL should not be inviting people to your wedding, period. And if she is, she should be asking with a pretty please and ecstatic if you say yes to even a couple of her friends. I was invited to my brother’s wedding, it never would have occurred to me to try to invite my own friends!

Seriously, there should be some kind of pamphlet you can hand out to people when you get married, since reading these boards a lot of people (not the bees, their guests and family, I mean) seem to be absolutely clueless! No, you cannot plan your own wedding announcement, invite your friends, add people to your RSVP, or make menu requests when you go to someone ELSE’S wedding people, for crying out loud!

Good luck with however this pans out. At least it is just the cousin of this girl and you don’t really know her. It would be really awkward if it was her sister or something. 

Post # 24
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Wow – so sorry you’re going through all of this. 

I think it’s inappropriate for anyone, even if it is your SIL, to invite guests to your wedding. 

Hopefully your fiance will talk to her when thinks have calmed down.

We’re all here for you!

Post # 25
169 posts
Blushing bee

why is your fiance s sister, inviting ppl to YOUR wedding??? thats the first and foremost question. YOU and ONLY YOU, and a lil bit of your fiance, have ctrl over the list NO MATTER WHO IS PAYING.You graciously, allow your parents to invite friends and distant relatives if they are paying if not YOU DO NOT INVITE ANYONE you do not want. and i m sorry your fiance s sister does not invite anyone. period.

Post # 26
45 posts

like many ppl asked, you haven’t cleared it up in your posts, why is your fiance’s sister inviting ppl? is she paying for your wedding? did she raise your fiance by herself as a parent? hmmmm seems strange, and we’re all curious,

 and also in your original post you said your Future Sister-In-Law said "ITS NOT YOUR WEDDING ITS OUR WEDDING … they all like you and say nice things about you. Just take me off the list if you take my friend off the list."  uhm? OUR? you’re marrying the FSIL?? im very confused

 either way…sorry you had a screaming match, sounds like your situation is resolved, kudos! im just curious though..

Post # 27
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yep, glad to read that there is resolution to this situation.  I agree with many of the other bees on here that it is super weird that your Future Sister-In-Law is requesting who should be invited to the wedding.  Still, your relationship w/ your Future Sister-In-Law is important so it is good that things are smoothed over.  Just remember that this is your wedding and that you can draw the lines where you see fit.  If people get overly emotional about it, say it is about the budget or about the venue restrictions or something like that.  Don’t let people’s weird expectations skew your vision and hard work for your day!

Post # 28
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You are very generous to even let your Future Sister-In-Law have her own "guest list". I personally would hold my ground and say no but it may not be worth the headache in your situation. I wonder what her problem is? Let us know how it turns out!

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