(Closed) So upset about this (sorry, long vent!)

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow. I had tubes in my ears as a child–do what you gotta do, man!

I’d probably take him and have them done, but I don’t know what the reprocussions of that would be.

And i’d be VERY against a chiropractor manipulating a child’s spine. That makes me queasy thinking about it. If your son was an ADULT with back problems, yes, put the spine back in order. But a child?! No thx.

But, I think you’ll be fine. Doctors have ordered this is the right thing. The dad is only against it…why? B/c he wants to try chiropractic first? Maybe you can get the doctor to dispell any thoughts that chiropractic would even help or that it isn’t safe for a kid to undergo spinal manipulations or cranial ones.

Post # 4
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I don’t understand – he isn’t paying child support, but wants a say in how your son is raised?  Do you have full legal custody, or is that still being resolved? Is your son’s father employed?  What is your lawyer’s opinion on who has the right to make medical decisions about your son?

 

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this, and hope your son feels better soon.

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Aw, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.  I am not familiar with medicine to guess what may be better for your child.  But I do know, that as a Mother, you have the right to stand firm in what you believe.  That being said, I think you should meet with other doctors, get some expert opinions on what would be best.  Do all the research you can to figure out what you really want to do.  Maybe mediation is what’s best.  If you’re equipped with more knowledge and information than he is, the chances that you’ll be able to do what you feel more comfortable with are much higher. 

I hope it all works out. 

Post # 6
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Go to mediation…do NOT let a chiro touch your sons spine, hes too young.  You have proof that you’ve been supporting and battling all of this, the judges or mediators are likely to side with you.

What an a-hole

Post # 7
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yeah, I have to agree to go with mediation but do your research on it. Personally, I don’t think the sperm donor has any say if he isn’t around for your son or doesn’t even pay for his expenses but that is just me. Have you thought of doing full custody. I would think about it. Speak to your lawyer about your rights. Get that cleared up immediately.

My boss 2 yr old daughter had the same problem as your son and has had the tubes put in. There was only one time that they had to give her a different size from her growing out of them. This was a huge benefit for her because now she suffers less.

As for the chiropractor, I too am against it for my own children but once again, my boss’s daughter also goes through this (and has since birth) and he says it works wonders on her. I don’t knock him for doing what is best for his daughter but I just can’t do it.

Post # 8
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m very sorry about what you are going through.  I know it has to be hard and frustrating.  If I were you, I would do all in my power to prevent the chiro treatment.  I don’t like them, period.  My mom as an adult went to the chiro and because of it she has a pnched nerve that is going to require back surgery.  I couldn’t imagine something like that happening to a child!  At the mediation, I bet the judge will side with you because you are his mother and support him alone. 

Post # 9
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i had chronic ear infections as a child and had tubes in my ears–definitely follow the medical advice! the developmental consequences (ie speech delays) of not treating it can be serious, and i would think the earlier the better.

Post # 10
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think you’d be within your rights to just go ahead and do it your way seeing as that is the advice from the doctor – maybe you could ask your lawyer for advice?

Post # 11
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I am also curious as to why your son’s father has so much of a say in his medical care.  If he’s not providing any kind of support to you or your son then I would think he doesn’t get a say.  I would do the mediation, but come prepared with research and opinions from experts.  I would also see about getting full custody so that every time something medical needs to happen with your son you don’t have to consult his father.  Sorry you’re going through this, I hope your son starts feeling better soon.

Post # 12
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I am in the “why are you even worrying about what he thinks” camp. If the Dr and you thinks that this is what’s best for your son…DO IT. Yeah the sperm donor might get pissy in the end but what can he do…YOU are your son’s legal guardian so legally…he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Unless there is something in writing that say you have to have his approval then you do what YOU think it’s best. There is no reason for your child to suffer while somebody who doesn’t care enough about his welfare to support him financially, emotionally, or physically throws a tantrum.

Post # 13
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

What a crappy situation. But I think that you are clearly in the right here, so you will prevail. Agree to mediation, then gather up all the documentation you can find. Come prepared with mountains of paperwork. Bring studies that cite the risks and ineffectiveness of the chiropractor treatment. Get three written statements by doctors that say that they recommend tubes. Look up the standards of care for this problem. What does the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend? What does the WHO recommend? Get as many pieces of paper as you can that prove you are right. Drown them in documentation. If your ex is as reliable as he sounds, he will probably show up empty-handed with nothing more than his own opinion. There’s no way he will win. Surgery is scary but you will get through it. Gook luck!

Post # 14
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

As a lawyer, first thing: DON’t JUST TAKE HIM TO THE DOCTOR!!! It is deeply unfair, but it will be a bad mark against you in the long run in your fights with the bio. Sorry, just please don’t do that.

Second, what is this guy’s custody status?

Third, have you discussed mediation with your lawyer? A mediator will not make a decision for you. A mediator will help the two of you reach a consensus. An arbitrator will actually make a decision. PM me if you have questions about all of these forms of dispute resolution.

Fourth, (((HUGS))). What an ass. I slightly disagree wtih your position totally against chiropracty (I’m no expert though), but I am so sorry that this jerk is interfering with your ability to care for your son. It must tear at your heart.

Post # 15
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m curious about what his level of custody is as well that he assumes he has a right to fight you on this. My ex for my younger daughter pays child support, but no medical expenses, so I have it written into our custody agreement that my husband & I make all decisions concerning her medically, since my husband pays her insurance. All other major decisions, I discuss with ex. As the primary caregiver of your son, you have so many rights! Mediation is a beautiful thing.

 My daughter has had tubes and they were like little miracles!! They made a huge difference and the surgery was very simple! She’s had other major surgery, but this was super easy!

Post # 16
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m with all the bees saying that you’re not obligated to take your ex’s desires into account unless there’s wording in your divorce or custody agreement stipulating otherwise.  If he wants to actually, um, parent at some point than maybe he can have a say, but since he’s not contributing in any meaningful way his opinion on this matter doesn’t hold much weight.

Talk to your lawyer and don’t be afraid to go to mediation.  He’s in the wrong here, not you, and you’re not obligated to give his feelings special consideration.  

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