(Closed) So upset and emotional right now, will it ever happen? (Sorry…LONG)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It sounds like you have some personal issues to work through before worrying about moving and getting married…. those things will not solve your problems and can bring a whole new load of stress with them!

 

Concentrate on your issues at hand. The rest will come!

Post # 5
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off (( HUGS ))

Depression sucks… I had a severe case after my Divorce.  Good to hear that you are getting help with that.

What I do what to comment on is your statement…

I have also recently had more issues with my weight, I have always had a sweet tooth but over the years it has developed into a serious addiction to sugar and junk food. I am now overweight (5’3″ and 154pounds) but can’t stop, I have also had a slight weight gain due to the medication I am on.

Let me assure you that this is not a HUGE issue…

1- It is not uncommon for those among us who are depressed to eat (over-eat) to compensate for the feelings (lack of feelings) that we are going thru

2- 5-3 and 154 is not the end of the world… despite what anyone else might think !! (Grrrr)

This would put your BMI at aprox 27.3  A healthy BMI is up to 25 (or at 5.3 aprox 141 Lbs)… so about a 13 Lb difference… this is not astronomical… just upping your weekly exercise routine or making small changes can make those “few” pounds melt away

3-Sounds like you have a lifeplan.  And it makes sense… although it does look like there is a lot on your plate for the next few years (BComm – Honours – CPA).  I didn’t read anything in your post that gave any clue as to what you plan to do for FUN… or how you work at keeping a positive attitude.  If you suffer from Depression these are important considerations.

Suggest that you get yourself a notebook / journal and start channelling out your thoughts and by writing things down you’ll be able to see a road map clearer of where you are going, and where you’ve been (journalling is a fabulous tool to combat depression).  By writing things down you can find some balance in your life… and work towards a plan.  I found it a good way to plan out my exercise, track what I was eating… and even plan for FUN TIME with friends, family etc.

It doesn’t take long, before the life you “envision” can become a reality (lol, what’s that old saying… “Fake it until you make it”)

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 7
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

You’re still really young.

 

Secondly, I’d wager a guess that your boyfriend isn’t ready. I read a book recently called “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others.” It’s a lot more complicated than this, but basically says that men have something called an “age of commitment” at which point they’re ready to settle down. Odds are, this isn’t going to happen while you two are living with your parents. It’s probably not going to happen before he knows that he can provide for both of you. So it might do you good to encourage him to pursue better opportunities, get out on his own,  and achieve financial independence, rather than try and convince him to get married right now.

I understand your frustrations, but with so many couples breaking it off because of money, it really will be better in the long run to wait until you’re both in better financial shape. Plus, you’ll be able to afford a better wedding then πŸ˜‰

Post # 8
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

P.S.- As a former fat girl: South Beach diet. It works, and if you follow it, it gets rid of your sweets cravings.

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

@Jacqui90:  I think your Boyfriend or Best Friend is who he is, as we all are.  HE has to decide he wants more – you can’t do it for him unfortunately.  I think if you marry him, it needs to be with the knowledge that he might be in a job like he has now forever.  I suggest focusing on getting your self healthy, becoming independent (ie not living with your parents) and seeing if your Boyfriend or Best Friend decides to also grow up.  At that point you can decide if you are going to be happy marrying him as he is.

Post # 13
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Get yourself well first and the rest will fall into place!  No rush you are young and have plenty of time to get it all together.  

 

Maybe develop a plan of action with a timeline you can both work towards.  It helps motivate me to see things down on paper personally.

Post # 15
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

For the weight stuff, read Kat James’ the Truth About Beauty, Eat to Live, and Wheat Belly. They present information about nutrition and weight loss that lay people do not yet know. They are amazing books. They do call for a change in diet but if you use them you will lose weight. Kat James used to be obese and addicted to food and completely changed her life.

If you cut out processed foods (basically a huge part of the American diet) and white flour/white sugar you will lose a lot of weight AND I think your mood will improve. There is a growing body of evidence that links chemically-food with chemical imbalances in the brain. Sugar is my drug of choice (next to alcohol lol) and I know it has an effect on how I feel: drains my energy, makes me cranky, feel so guilty after I eat a lot of junk, wreaks havoc on my skin, etc.

The best and easiest thing you can do for yourself is start LOADING UP on raw vegetables. If you eat a meal, make most of it veggies. Meat and pasta and carbs should be the side dish, veggies should be the main course. And they ARE good. Vegetables will never give you the rush of processed foods because they are not drugs, they are “god’s food” as my mom calls it. It’s sort of like the difference between a volatile, unhealthy relationship with great sex, and a loving, sustaining relationship that isn’t showy. Start slow. Let’s say you want a chicken sandwich. Halve that chicken sandwich and fill half your plate with lettuce and veg. Skip the croutons and the dressing which ruins the purpose. Top salads with blueberries, strawberries, light feta cheese, lemon juice/olive oil, cracked pepper, nuts, avocado, shrimp WHATEVER. For fats – eat nuts and avocados. Screw fake fats and anything that has the word “hydrogenated” on the label.

Take at least 20 mins. to eat your meal – that’s how long it takes for your body to realize it is full. I can scarf a lot of food in that time and then realize how much I ate when I’m too full. FIBER is the key to weight loss because it fills you up, slows sugar absorption, and moves things through you quicker.

Dude, I can go on forever, but I think you should start with the weight stuff. It’s something you do have control over, it will improve your mind-body connection, which will help your depression, and it is completely do-able. Don’t freak out about it or obsess, just start incorporating better habits and go from there. Weight loss is 80% diet, 20% excercise.

Trust me, I have a long way to go toward the healthy body that I want but it’s just a matter of starting. Tons and tons of luck!!!

Post # 16
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

And I hear you on wanting to get married and basically wanting your life to *start* (been there, there now) but you gotta work on making yourself happy. When you are feeling better about your life, doing activities that bring you joy (reading, writing in a journal, hiking, crafting, whatver) you may feel differently about the decisions you wanna make. Ultimately, wherever you go, there you are, and you may be disappointed if you move out and get married and then find yourself still depressed. Finding the right person and getting married is great but you’re the only one that’s going to be there from beginning to end. The most fundamental relationship you have is the one with yourself – all others stem from that. I have known many depressed people in my life and it always baffled me that they were generally compassionate, reflective, down-to-earth, and all around great.

Unfortunately it’s the narcisstic assholes of the world who seem to never get down on themselves haha.

One of the bees mentioned journaling and my mom is a believer in that. She has always said to write down the kind of life you want. List things you want to happen in your life, the type of house you want, what would go into your perfect job. It may sound stupid but when you express to yourself what you want it clears things up….okay, I’m rambling.

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