(Closed) So upset at best friend…Vent and advice

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Definitely talk to her!

If she wants it to be “her house”, that’s fine! But then you should be paying for a single room, and not a shared apartment!

Post # 5
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@anneh1990:  Yeah, there is a big difference between sharing an apartment and renting a room. If your are paying to share 50% of the apartment then you should be entitled to 50% say in how things are. If your friend wants total control of her apartment then she should be living on her own or at least only charging you for a room. 


Post # 6
46606 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@anneh1990:  It wasn’t very considerate of her to just move your chair, but it’s not like she hasn’t already told you that she doesn’t care for the chair. I disagree with the pp’s. If you were on the lease you would have equal say in the affairs of the apartment. You are renting from her. It is her apartment. She gets to choose the decor.

Post # 8
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

As long as there is furniture you can use, I agree with @julies1949: , not a big deal. Sure, she should have told you she didn’t want it in there and was going to move it before she actually moved it, but this is one of the issues with living with someone that actually owns the space instead of a regular roomate where things are 50/50.


Post # 9
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Since you’re not good at confrontation, I’d write down what you want to say.  I find that I get less flustered and stay on point when I do that.  You don’t want to end the friendship you just need to tweak it. good luck

Post # 10
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Do you pay half of the monthly cost of owning the space (rent/mortgage/whatever your roommate pays)? If so, then you should get a say in shared areas. Otherwise, I’m going to have to agree with the people who are saying that since she owns it, it is her space.

However, you still need to sit her down and let her know that the way she handled the chair issue is not cool. Regardless of whether or not she owns the space, she still owes you certain courtesies.

Whenever I had roomie troubles, I always wrote down what I REALLY wanted to say and then sort of reworded it into nice speak.  That way I got the angry out without yelling at someone I had to live with.

Post # 11
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@anneh1990:  I’d move it right back.  She can use her words and not be so passive aggressive.

Post # 12
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I totally understand why you’re upset.  In my view, it’s more that your best friend who you have lived with for 5 years was so passive aggressive, and that she couldn’t just tolerate a chair she disliked as a courtesy to you. To me, it less about the money (although that can be used for justification) and more about how she treated you as a friend.

That said, I would try to let it go because you’re moving soon anyway.  Unless more things start happening, it’s not something you’ll care about a year from now.

Post # 15
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Did you ask her before you bought this chair? She might be equally annoyed at you that you bought what sounds like a large chair, that I guess doesn’t match her decor, and didn’t consult her. Since she owns the place, it is hers to decorate as she wants. It sounds like she’s putting a lot of effort into it and wants it to be perfect. I wouldn’t take it personally, it seems like you are craving space of your own (which you’ll get in 11 months) so I would back off of decorating herplace  for now. 

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