Post # 1
I live with my best friend. We have been roomates fo 5 years. Normally, we get along very well, but things have started to change a bit and I haven’t really said anything. She owns the condo we live in, and I pay her rent. She has done a lot of decorating for the place and is really proud of how it all turned out. Besides in my bedroom, almost all of the apartment contents are hers.
Right before we moved in a few months ago, I bought a chair. I put it in the living room when we moved in. She has told me she doesn’t really care for the chair, but I don’t feel like it’s a lot to ask to allow me to have one piece of furniture in the shared areas of the condo.
Well today I came home from being gone for a week, and there was an easal with a painting where my chair had been. The chair was just put in the middle of my bedroom floor. I am so upset and hurt. I understand that she owns the place, but I pay her to share it. I don’t feel like I should feel I am only confined to my bedroom.
I know it’s just a silly chair, and I really don’t care about the chair at all. It just really hurts my feelings that she feels she can move my stuff without even talking to me.
Post # 3
Definitely talk to her!
If she wants it to be “her house”, that’s fine! But then you should be paying for a single room, and not a shared apartment!
Post # 4
@BrandNewBride: Yeah I really need to. I didn’t want to say anything tonight (and she isn’t home anyways) because I don’t want to say anything out of anger. I am just not a confrontational person and it makes me so nervous.
Post # 5
@anneh1990: Yeah, there is a big difference between sharing an apartment and renting a room. If your are paying to share 50% of the apartment then you should be entitled to 50% say in how things are. If your friend wants total control of her apartment then she should be living on her own or at least only charging you for a room.
Post # 6
@anneh1990: It wasn’t very considerate of her to just move your chair, but it’s not like she hasn’t already told you that she doesn’t care for the chair. I disagree with the pp’s. If you were on the lease you would have equal say in the affairs of the apartment. You are renting from her. It is her apartment. She gets to choose the decor.
Post # 7
@Ruby-Redshoes: Yeah that’s true. I really think she would prefer if I weren’t here because things can’t always be the way she likes them. I want to move out, but my Fiance and I are getting married in 11 months so it feels silly to go rent a place by myself.
I don’t know what she expects me to do with this massive chair in my tiny room…
Post # 8
As long as there is furniture you can use, I agree with @julies1949: , not a big deal. Sure, she should have told you she didn’t want it in there and was going to move it before she actually moved it, but this is one of the issues with living with someone that actually owns the space instead of a regular roomate where things are 50/50.
Post # 9
Since you’re not good at confrontation, I’d write down what you want to say. I find that I get less flustered and stay on point when I do that. You don’t want to end the friendship you just need to tweak it. good luck
Post # 10
Do you pay half of the monthly cost of owning the space (rent/mortgage/whatever your roommate pays)? If so, then you should get a say in shared areas. Otherwise, I’m going to have to agree with the people who are saying that since she owns it, it is her space.
However, you still need to sit her down and let her know that the way she handled the chair issue is not cool. Regardless of whether or not she owns the space, she still owes you certain courtesies.
Whenever I had roomie troubles, I always wrote down what I REALLY wanted to say and then sort of reworded it into nice speak. That way I got the angry out without yelling at someone I had to live with.
Post # 11
@anneh1990: I’d move it right back. She can use her words and not be so passive aggressive.
Post # 12
I totally understand why you’re upset. In my view, it’s more that your best friend who you have lived with for 5 years was so passive aggressive, and that she couldn’t just tolerate a chair she disliked as a courtesy to you. To me, it less about the money (although that can be used for justification) and more about how she treated you as a friend.
That said, I would try to let it go because you’re moving soon anyway. Unless more things start happening, it’s not something you’ll care about a year from now.
Post # 13
@Nostawyn: To be honest, I’m not really sure. She gave me the rate, but I felt weird about asking exactly how much it costs. We do split utilities. I do pay a considerable amount, so I can’t imagine she pays that much more. However, I know that homeownership is expensive so I would imagine she has more costs.
Post # 14
@TGold: Yes that’s exactly what it is. I now feel like a nuisance that she doesn’t want any trace of me living there. I could care less about the chair, but I do feel like it’s not a lot to ask to tolerate one piece of me.
Post # 15
Did you ask her before you bought this chair? She might be equally annoyed at you that you bought what sounds like a large chair, that I guess doesn’t match her decor, and didn’t consult her. Since she owns the place, it is hers to decorate as she wants. It sounds like she’s putting a lot of effort into it and wants it to be perfect. I wouldn’t take it personally, it seems like you are craving space of your own (which you’ll get in 11 months) so I would back off of decorating herplace for now.