(Closed) So upset – Fiance started smoking again!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Quitting is really hard – though it sounds like you’ve been trying to get him on the right path – the patch, the doctor’s appt will definitely help – you mentioned that is was like pulling teeth. Anything related to quitting smoking is like pulling teeth so it sounds like you’re already doing better than many. It’s been 1 week – sure the sooner he quits the better, but my suggestion to you is, don’t make this about the wedding or the honeymoon – talk about a source of stress! Instead, make it about his happiness in quitting. Remind him of all the positive effects he saw when he quit the last time, stress how healthy he is because he quit before and how healthy he’ll remain. Again, quitting is really hard so I wouldn’t link it to the wedding even though that is really hard for you not to do. Also, if possible, give him some other suggestions for stress release (as nicotine is a wonderful one) that don’t involve drinking. While drinking is not bad, it’s linked with smoking for so many people and can make it harder to quit. Perhaps he should go for a run every day this week, see a movie with a friend or whatever you guys do together to relax.

Post # 4
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’m a smoker who has quit for periods of 1-2 years and have gone back with the stress of the wedding. My Fiance absolutely hates it, smoking is NOT the norm in our families or groups of friends, so I am always hiding it and ashamed of it and how nasty it is. However, it IS a drug and it IS addictive. My fiance and I just talked to our premarital therapist about this issue the other day. She told him the best thing he can do to support me is to let me know he wants me to stop but to accept that it’s a personal thing. The only way your Fiance will be able to stop again is when HE wants to and is ready. Please don’t nag him, it really doesn’t help and only adds guilt. It is very easy to start smoking again and has always taken me only one or two bummed cigarettes and before you know it I’m buying them again- so what he did is definitely normal. On top of that the wedding stress is sure to throw him over the edge and into smoking again. Don’t take it personally. If HE really wants to quit again, suggest he talk to his doc for a prescription for that drug that helps you quit smoking. But I can’t say it enough that the best way to support him is to not nag him and let him do this on his own. Smoking is a very personal thing and it’s not as easy to quit as non-smokers think it is. Just be sensitive to that. 

Post # 6
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Haha, ok good I’m glad you haven’t nagged him, I wasn’t saying you had just letting you know not to! My Fiance says something almost every time I have a cigarette and it drives me nuts… !! Good luck, it’s definitely a hard thing but if he did it before, he can do it again! 

Post # 7
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My mom went on Chantix and was able to quit! You need an Rx for it.

Little by little let him know that you don’t like certain things. Then you aren’t overbearing. Personally, I dated a guy who chewed and it totally grossed me out, so I can totally see hwere you’re coming from in that kissing him is probably likened to an ashtray. Don’t make yourself do it, though, if it disgusts you. It’ll be a bigger and bigger turn off and that might cause more problems

Post # 8
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

My mom smoked for about 25 years before she went on Chantix.  There are definitely side effects, but for her (and our family), it was worth it.

Post # 9
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Just to give a little perspective from his side, he did not quit 2 1/2 years ago.  Every single day that he chose not to have a cigarette, he was quitting.  Unfortunately, after you’re addicted, it is a choice every day of your life not to smoke.  It’s hard.  And it can be easy to fall back into because giving in is easier than choosing not to smoke every day.  I know that seems like really backwards logic, but that’s how it feels.  I would be more concerned about the friends he was hanging out with in Vegas who pressured him into it, because those are the friends who will pressure him into it for the rest of his life!

Post # 10
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Just hugs, I have no advice, my Fiance just quit again last month for the 3rd or 4th time since I’ve known him. The kicker with us was that he listed himself as a non-smoker on his profile (on Match), boy was I POed when he started again a little bit after the first month of dating. 🙂

It’s hard, frustrating and annoying, but you just have to support him and hope for the best. Good luck to both of you!

Post # 11
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

Two drugs… Chantix & Zoloft!!!

I never thought that my Fiance would quit smoking after 30 years. He swore for the first five years that we were together that he would (it was my ONLY complaint!). But then he went and saw his doctor and he prescribed Chantix & Zoloft together and he was able tow quit in 2 weeks. His doctor currently has a 95% success rate with the two drugs together and 5 other coworkers have quit since he did almost 2 years ago.

Most smokers smoke because they have anxiety hence the Zoloft and I am sure with the wedding that close it is stressful. 

Good Luck! 

Post # 12
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Quitting is tough and like has been mentioned, it’s something that has to be done every single day, but it does become a bit easier over time. I second the idea that you should be concerned about the friends who pressured/ led him to smoke again rather than him for picking up the addiction again. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but please try to be patient with him and support him and his health that he try to quit again. ((hugs))

Post # 14
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Best of luck! If it doesn’t take this time, try to be forgiving… my understanding is that it’s especially hard to quit smoking during stressful times b/c of the effects that smoking & nicotine cravings have on your stress levels. For addicts, smoking relieves stress, and cravings *really* heighten it. Given that, 1 month before the wedding might be an *especially* hard time to quit, since there’s a lot of external stress anyway. I do really hope that he’s able to quit now, especially since it’s so important to you, but the timing will be really hard.

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