Post # 17
Thanks for the encouragment Melissabegins and lilyfaith! I think he will, too. It may take talking to some other people who aren’t involved in the situation. If they agree that continuing a relationship with her would be unhealthy for our marriage, he might realize that it’s not just my hurt/anger/bitterness talking.
Post # 18
Um I would want this lady out of his life because she is clearly disrespecting you. Seems like she knows she is causing problems for you two and continues to do it every chance she gets to be in town. I feel like she posted that comment on his facebook to piss you off as a matter of fact and i’d be furious. Its just plain disrespectful and she needs to include you back in their relationship or their relationship needs to be thrown out because you dont deserve to stress out about anything like this, good luck
Post # 19
I agree with all of the posters above. This woman is toxic to your marriage, and it’s not healthy for him to stay in contact with her when she has made it clear to both him and you that she doesn’t approve of your marriage. Letting your husband know that will hopefully make him come around. If anyone even tried to disrespect my husband to me, I would certainly let them know that it’s not goint to be tolerated, and they had better find someone else to sound off to. I would hope that my husband would do the same for me.
Keep us updated after you talk to him about this again! I really hope that he sees how toxic this woman is to your marriage, and if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll sever all ties.
Post # 20
She already admitted to him that she doesn’t think that his marriage should be his first priority. She’s told him that she is not willing to have any sort of contact with you. This is a no brainer. He needs to stand up for you and tell her that if she is unwilling to accept his wife, and does not think that his marriage should be his number one priority, then she is not someone that he is willing to have in his life. If she really “loves him lots!” then she would support the things that are important to him, namely: his marriage.
Post # 21
tammyt112 — that could be true. It certainly did piss me off, whether or not she intended it to :-P. But that’s part of the problem with them staying friends; it still hurts every time I see that she’s commented (which hasn’t been often, but still….). Maybe when I’ve truly worked through the process of forgiveness that’ll feel different, but maybe not.
2PeasinaPod — She hasn’t necessarily said that she doesn’t approve of our marriage, just the way we approach marriage and our roles as husband and wife. Which could be the same thing, I suppose :-P. And I’ll definitely keep you updated :-).
greenleafmountain — I don’t know that she’d say his marriage shouldn’t be his first priority (she hasn’t really said one way or another). They stress the importance of marriage, but moreso the importance of being in “kingdom order” in your marriage (ie. the husband leading and the wife submitting) so she believes that should be priority. Her son (who was also at this lunch yesterday) did say that while a husband should lay down his life for his wife, he shouldn’t lay down his life or his calling (implying that to leave their church — and to do what his wife wanted — would equal giving up who and what he was supposed to be). So I guess in that sense, they believe that “marriage” (but not the wife) should be priority. But yeah, I get what you’re saying and agree, especially with the part about her supporting the things that are important to him and where God’s leading him if she really cared 🙂
Post # 22
About this submitting thing…..it concerns me. I think one thing that a lot of places in the world have in common that are havens for bad is the oppression of women and I’m so glad you’re standing your ground against it.
While a marriage should not be headstrong battle of will, the focus of the Bible seems to treat marriage as an equal union where men and women have the ability to thrive by uniting the strengths of two into one.
Some examples follow of the powerful role women play (even over men), especially during Jesus’ ministry:
– A woman was chosen to help bring Jesus into the world.
– Women were chosen to see the empty tomb and deliver the good news of the risen Christ, while men disputed their testimony.
– Jesus chose a woman to spread the Word to the Samaritans
– “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28)
“She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.” (Proverbs 31:16)
– “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one.” (Mark 10:6-9)
– “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.” (Eccl. 4:9-12)
– “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25)
– “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Mark 10:45)
Jesus did not seem to have a gender bias in whom he chose to lead, teach and spread the Word. Mary literally delivered the Word to the world.
There are passages in the letters that appear sexist and I’ve read a lot about how the words aren’t translated right or just the opinion of the author or whatever but when two things appear in contradition in the Bible such as “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence”, I go with Jesus’s teachings because he certainly didn’t have women be silent.
Post # 23
@troubled- I like the way you think! 😉
For someone who talks about how submissive women should be all the time, this woman seems very assertive herself. I also think it’s pretty bold of them to assume that they know for sure that their church is his calling.
Good luck OP. I’m just glad you guys have geographic distance on your side. Things will get easier in time for him, I think.
Post # 24
Great advice Ducks35! I completely agree!
Post # 25
super bizarre, because i had almost the exact situation happen with me last summer! same deal…this “mother” figure from my guy’s church/work coming between us and attacking me and our relationship…i completely feel your pain and frustration!
i will definitely be praying that he makes the right decision. purging your lives of toxic people, such as this woman, will bring so much more peace and happiness to your relationship!
Post # 26
Wow I’m sorry :(. It sounds like a “home church” that one of my old really good friends started going to. It was actually a cult. I’m glad you guys don’t go there anymore :).
Honestly, I think that woman is WAY out of line. I don’t think you’re making a big deal. I believe a woman is to submit to her husband & be led by him. But submission isn’t acting like a robot & doing everything he says without thought or care. At the same time, the husband is to love his wife. Not just make her do whatever he wants. Its not the husband leading & the wife submitting. The husband does lead, but its moreso the husband LOVING & the wife submitting. Anyways, that was kinda a sidetrack to what I wanted to say…
I think you & your husband should talk about this again. Say how you feel about how you want him to stand up for you & that you will stand up for him. He married you, you come first, you come before others & especially that other woman. The Bible says the man leaves his parents to be with his wife (I’m sorry, I’m really bad at paraphrasing/ scripture location but I COULD find it if you’d like). Not that you never see your parents again, but you’re away from their authority/covering. You are your own family. I really hope that woman leaves the two of you alone.
Post # 27
deifnitely a weird situation. but I think you shouldn’t stop him from being friends with her still especially if she was such a big part in his life. but he should definitely address it with her. sometimes grown people can be so immature. But you dont want to cause any problems with you and him by asking him to not talk to her anymore. I say just talk about it and ask him to talk to her. and then put it all in God’s hands. He knows what he’s doing. 🙂
Post # 28
It sounds to me like this woman is manipulative of your husband. I don’t think he doesn’t love you. I do think he doesn’t have an idea of what proper Christian boundaries are. Buy him a book on the topic.
Oh, and stop fighting that woman. The more you address the issue with her, the more she understands she bothers you, and the more she will try to p*ss you off.
Do question your husband. Ask him how he would feel if he were in your shoes, getting that treatment. He might have a change of heart.
The solution is in your husband’s heart, not hers, not yours.