Post # 1
Hi bees so of course everything was on track and getting things in order for the wedding and then today happens. So my FH and I live with my parents at the moment actually since last April and before that we lived in an apartment. We moved in here to save money for a house. We don’t have a house right now bc FH’s credit wasn’t so good so we said ok we will work on that and hopefully this year we will find a house. Well I got into a fight with my parents bc everytime I go to do something I can’t bc someone else needs to use this or that, so I got mad and said I feel like I’m in a four walled cell and can’t do anything (I really am getting cabin fever or something) so my dad gets pissed and says under his breath but just loud enough well you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for FH, well FH hears this and is flipping out and now he wants to move back to an apartment and says he will be looking asap and if I come I come if not then that’s my choice. I do not bc we are getting so close and all we worked for would go down the drain. I hate living here but I’m trying to see the big picture. I know how hard it must be for FH and now after that comment I don’t know, I’m so upset and I don’t know what to do and I don’t wanna move out and waste all the money we saved but I also don’t want him to leave either. We also have a child together that also loves here with us. Please help I don’t know what to do or say.
Post # 3
I would talk to your Fiance when everyone is calmed down. But I can see where he is coming from and would probably want to move out too. And if he is serious about moving out then you have to decide what you are going to do (I would go with him). You will just have to find a good deal and really save where you can to be able to buy a house someday.
Post # 4
Ack! I’m sorry- this must be awful.
It sounds like EVERYONE has a case of cabin fever here; not just you and your FH.
My two cents:
First, wait for your FH to calm down. It’s totally understandable that he would be upset about your dad’s comment. When he’s calm, get him out of the house…just the two of you. Go for a walk, dinner, whatever. I’d have a serious talk about long term goals and try to get on the same page. I think that he’ll see your point when he calms down…he can’t see the end for the trees. If you can, look at the budget and come up with an “end time” to leave your parents place…this way you REALLY have a set goal that isn’t vague. Also, tell him you’re going to talk to your parents. Your dad probably needs to apologize.
I’d also talk to your parents about making comments about your FH. While it’s understandable that everyone is frustrated in this situation, it isn’t fair to make low digs at someone, especially when you’re FH is doing everything he can to fix his credit and save money. He’s made/is making changes; this is a really good thing. Also, I think that maybe a formal acknowledgement of your parents’ patience and caring right now may be a good idea. Sort of a “we really appreciate what you’re doing for us, but we REALLY need to talk about boundaries, nights out, etc. We recognize this is difficult for everyone.”
Boundaries also really need to be set. Do you think that your parents also may want some alone time in the house? Having that many adults in one place, with a child, is probably really hard on them too. Maybe try date nights, for you and your FH and a separate one for your parents once a month? It just really sounds to me like you all need to have time apart…and maybe it needs to be scheduled so you have something to look forward to, babysitting can be taken care of, and no one can come up with stuff that interferes.
I hope this helps. I feel for you. This situation is really difficult. Chin up. Try to focus on the long term- a house with your FH and child and great supportive grandparents who visit. 🙂
Post # 5
I think you need to apologize to your parents for the fight and for your FH’s behavior if he won’t do it himself. Though it wasn’t nice for your father to make that comment they are allowing you to live there rent free and I’m sure it’s just as frustrating to them as it is to you at times. This short time you’ll be living with your parents is a small scrafice of comfort to reach your goal of stability and in the end it will be worth it. If you guys make the choice to rent right now that’s a lot of money you’re throwing away that you could be saving for a down payment while your parent’s are generously letting you stay there.
Post # 6
Its very hard living with other people or more so moving back in your parents house, just try to calm the situation over im sure your Fiance reacted like that beacuse he knows its the truth and it makes him feel bad just let him know you know how he feels and you dont want to be there as much as him but it is helping you both out ask him to wait it out just until you both are situated.
Hope everything works out..
Post # 7
If things get really bad, you could always move into a place that has really cheap rent. You can look under the shared rooms on craigslist & have roommates. How far away is your wedding? Think you guys can handle it there until the wedding?
I mean, your parents are doing you a favor by letting you live rent free… maybe if you help with the house chores (idk if you do that or not) or help with the bills a little, that may help. I’m not sure what things they won’t let you do thou. Not to like grovel at their feet, but thank them for letting you live there. They probly think that you should be thankful but they just see you complaining. Don’t get me wrong, I totally see where you are coming from & how stressful that must be on you, feeling trapped at your house…
Maybe go on a small vacation (doesn’t have to be expensive), just a few day “get away” then you won’t feel as trapped.
Post # 8
thank you all for your advice. FH went out and came back and is ok now and actually perfect timing my parents just left for a week long vacation out of state. I def. think we all need time apart, my parents do have a date night once a week and we do pay rent here every month just not as much as we were paying for our apartment. I still buy our own food and FH does his laundry at the laundromat. I def. think he feels terrible about his credit but he is making an effort. My dad does say things loudy when he shouldn’t. FH didn’t say anything to him but he was really hurt by that comment, so I think I will talk with my parents when they get back about making unfair comments. But in the meantime we will all enjoy our time apart for the next week at least.
Post # 9
My mom and dad lived with my mom’s parents when they just got married (for ~3 years). They also had me and my little brother, so 6 ppl in a 2 bedroom apartment. Twas not fun. I obviously don’t remember it, but I have heard so many stories about it. These situations always are very difficult, because no one’s “wrong” per se. You and FH are adults who want independence; your parents are also adults who feel like they should be able to do what they want as they’re your parents and it’s their house (even though you pay rent, etc). It’s never going to be perfect, so just try to minimize the arguments, keep your cool whenever possible, and hang in there – I hope you can get your own home soon.