Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor turns out to be Bi-polar and bratty and refuses to seek help. She is miserable and makes me miserable and she wants to have my bachlorette on a Thursday.
My other bridesmaid is my “BFF” of 13 years who in all reality moved to the West Coast a few years ago, is practicing an alternate lifestyle that consists of drugs and I really don’t know her at all anymore.
The third bridesmaid, L, is the only one I don’t regret because she’s a great friend and my fiances best friends/best mans live in/serious girlfriend.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish I would have thought hard because now my absolute best friends N and D who WANT to plan my damn bachlorette and bridal party don’t get a slot. I went with safe, obvious choices and managed to leave the close friends out.
Post # 3
There’s nothing that says you can’t change your mind about who is in your wedding party! You still have time! I’m in a bridal party that has some of the same stuff going on… the bride has removed the Maid/Matron of Honor from her duties and has assigned them to someone more responsible (the Maid/Matron of Honor is an alcoholic and drug user). She would have removed her and another bridesmaid if she would have found out about their new personalities earlier. One Bridesmaid or Best Man has refused to walk into the ceremony with a Groomsmen, bought a dress a size too small b/c of vanity and blames the bride, want to wear a tiara, refuses hair and makeup and has complained about everything from day 1.
If it were me, I’d cut them out completely. I’ve learned a long time ago that if your friends aren’t there to help you, they’re probably hurting you. On your wedding day, you need supportive people who enjoy your day and can celebrate with you! You don’t need to worry about their attitudes and behavior. If you can’t cut them out completely or are afraid to, at least reassign the duties.
Post # 4
@staceynrick: i was going to suggest this also….i completely agree!!
i was in a wedding….the bride has been my friend since the 9th grade, her Maid/Matron of Honor was my childhood best friend from 3rd grade all thru and up til high school graduation….all 3 of us kept in touch but i grew apart from them and they stayed close….she asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and went into this talk about how she feels she’s been closer to her Maid/Matron of Honor more since high school than me and that she hoped i understood, which of course i was, i at no point felt i deserved the title….anyways, all thru the planning process all the BMs were there for her and whatnot, but i kept hearing how she was having “this this and that” trouble wit the Maid/Matron of Honor….she even asked me for advice a few times about whether she should remove her or not, i suppose it was that bad….she didn’t and on her wedding day, she still had trouble wit her, and now she hasn’t spoken to her since….. :-/
again, i agree that its not too late to make a change….
Post # 5
You can always add the other two girls as bridesmaids. As for the other two, if they’ve already purchased their dresses, I don’t see how you could kick them out unless you pay them for the dresses.
As for the bipolar and bratty Maid/Matron of Honor, most people with legitimate mental illnesses do not believe they are sick and therefore won’t seek help. It’s just part of the disease. If you’re really concerned about her well-being, I suggest you talk to aa family member who can get her help.
Post # 6
@cosmocity: oh i am so sorry to hear all of that! my heart goes out to brides who are dealing with crappy bridesmaids. My advice is the same as what others have said: change your party! you don’t want those girls in it, cut them! the last thing you want is to have that cloud hanging over your day when you know that these are not the girls you want to spend that time with. Hopefully, since it’s so long before your wedding right now, they haven’t bought their dresses yet so you won’t have to refund them. but if they have, do it anyway and cut your losses. it’s far more valuable to have girls who actually support you by your side then to keep these girls just to save yourself some money. Also, do you want to look back at your photos with a sense of regret, like “ug here I am with that brat” instead of “omg i love all my girls so much!” I can’t help but smile when I look at my wedding photos with my BMs, they are all very important people in my life and made my planning process and the day-of so so special! you deserve that too!!!
Post # 7
Thank you so, so, so much for the responses. I felt terrible, I can NOT believe I asked girls I barely know anymore! I felt like they were “safe” and obvious choices because they’d been in my life for so long, but in reality I hardly know them. I didn’t realize it was ok to ask girls to step down. I learned from my mistake for sure!
I talked to each of them and said “I’m nt longer having bridesmaids, it’s something we’ve decided not to do. I still want to see you on the big day, thanks for saying yes, blah blah blah” and they were both like…didn’t seem to have an opinion. Didn’t seem mad or sad or anything. They’re both out of state so maybe they weren’t surprised? I dunno. But as of now it’s true, I want to start from scratch and wedding party will come last if I go that route!
My fiance and I are starting at square one with the planning because I was so excited we started making plans and he was agreeing with everything and next thing I know we have a bridal party I don’t want, a venue we don’t want and I realized I was moving WAY TOO FAST.
We have nearly 7 months, now that I’ve let my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man go I will think long and hard before we make any more choices.
Post # 8
@Twista: I have some mental health issues as well, it runs in the family, I’ve been there in every way I can since realizing how bad she’s gotten 🙁 She’s dealing with same MAJOR stressors right now and I encouraged her to take insurance through work which she texted me saying she did and it will kick in October 1st. I don’t think she can be there for me but more than anything I think the added stress on HER is only going to do more harm to her mental state.
Post # 9
hey girl, let the nice people do the bachelorette party. Don’t worry about offending the other bridesmaids as they probably couldn’t care anyway!! Simply explain to them that these nice girls who you’re friends with have come up with some ideas. Keep the bridesmaids you’ve already chosen but don’t be afriad of other fun people stepping in. Enjoy you day!