(Closed) SO upset with the Minister

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you can and should say something to the minister.  As you said, nothing can be undone to make your wedding day better, but that doesn’t mean that this woman shouldn’t have her bad behaviour pointed out to her.  Let her know what a negative effect her daughter had on your day.  At the very least, maybe you will save a future bride from the same fate.

Post # 4
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry that this happened to you.

If you do a reveiw, I would include what happened, so that other couples are aware of what could happen to them.

Post # 5
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

In this case, I think you should say something to the minister. MILs minister or not, this was someone that was “hired” for the day to perform a service, not cause disruption. She may not see anything wrong with her child running rampant all over someone else’s reception and maybe nobody else has ever said anything to her about it.

Post # 6
46414 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I also think you should speak with the minister. I would not, however tell her what a rude and selfish person she was. When faced with words like that most people would get very defensive and I doubt the conversation would go well.

I would tell her how I was feeling as no one can ever argue with your feelings.I would say :

I would like to talk with you about bringing your daughter to my wedding.

I am  disappointed that  you ignored my request in the conversation that we had prior to the wedding.

 I felt disrespected and upset that you brought your daughter when you expressly said you wouldn’t.

Your daughter’s behavior was a distraction and an irritant and is exactly why I did not want children at the wedding.

I need you to know the effect this had on me and my guests .

Post # 7
271 posts
Helper bee

Wow, that really sucks. I’m sorry, that would drive me up the wall for sure.

Post # 9
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

julies1949 said exactly what I would advise you to say, too. 

As for how to do it, I’d write her a letter. It’ll keep her from being able to argue with you right there.

Post # 11
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

That really sucks. I would go with a letter also but that’s because I don’t like confrontation.

Post # 12
46414 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would phone her. I know this kind of conversation takes practice to be comfortable in person, but I think  a letter might be too formal.

Sometimes it is easier to be brave when you don’t have to look the person in the eye. I would write out what I wnated to say and practice ahead of time so it didn’t sound like I was reading it.

If she apologizes, accept her apology and thank her for hearing you out, then end the conversation.

Post # 13
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Totally inappropriate.

Post # 14
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

whoa, sorry, chica. i’d be livid, too. Not cool.

Post # 15
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow its one thing for a guest to ignore your request for no children but for someone that you are paying for their presence to ingnore your request in my eyes is downright disrespectful! I would right her and email or letter so she isn’t able to argue back with you. And If she does right back in a confrontational way then you have time to think your response over. Good luck! This would really piss me off too! Ask for a refund haha!! Jk

Post # 16
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I dont know if I would confront her about it after the fact. If you do you really need to make sure that your heated feelings dont interfere during the confrontation. If you are still feeling really upset you dont want to say something that you would regret so make sure you are in a calm place if you are going to address the issue with her. At this point though if it was me I would leave it alone. I dont think its worth it in the end and I think it will just cause a lot of hurt feelings.

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